Snapped - told DP he’s lazy , he says I’m BU

[AnAfternoonOfWineAndChocolate]

I just snapped this morning. This is a snap shot of the last few days but every day/weekend is pretty much the same.

DP works very sporadic hours but probably amounts to a day & a half a week. His job is v lucrative so he is happy as long he has enough to do what he wants.
I work for myself from home but not a job that requires 24/7 in front of the screen.

Thursday : DP gets up at 12ish. I made us a late breakfast (it’s always cooked). He drives into work for an hour then spent the evening at a end of season sports social. He came home to a roaring fire, said he was still hungry & could I make him supper.

Friday : Again he got up between 12-1. We drove to the supermarket. Returned home. I made a marinade & prepped meat for Saturday dinner. I cooked our dinner.

Saturday: I cooked breakfast, he then drove to pick his DCs up. I cleaned/tidied the house, prepped fire etc. They stopped for lunch on the way back. He watched back to back rugby. I made homemade EVERYTHING for dinner. 1 of his DC didn’t eat anything as she’d gorged on chocolate they’d bought at the garage on the way back (she was meant to share with everyone but didn’t).
I cleaned up. He put a match to the already prepped fire.

Today : I make tea/coffee. He texts his DC from bed & tells them he was going to shower so they needed to get up & help me by laying the table for breakfast. He has now gone to the club & will have drinks/lunch there.

I do all the dishwasher/washing machine/put bins out/cleaning /tea/coffee etc.

He will open a bottle of wine & prep the fire maybe once a week.

I snapped & lost it this morning. He said I need to calm down & he would do stuff eventually. I think he is just fucking lazy.

You have a fire? Heavens above where do you live 1872?

Stop doing everything for him

Stop doing stuff for him. Don't cook him breakfast. Don't make him brews. Don't wash his clothes. Force him to realise just how much you do for him.

Incidentally, who does the gardening / decorating / DIY / regular checks on the car etc? Is that shared, or you also?

What has the fire to do with anything? They're hardly rare.

Yanbu Op, he has a lovely life by the sound of it.

@Buster72 why is having a fire odd? I'm currently coveting them but we are planning on moving somewhere hot.

Incidentally, who does the gardening / decorating / DIY / regular checks on the car etc? Is that shared, or you also?

Are you really suggesting, @eggysmom, that those sort of things take up as much time as cleaning and cooking?

Do you wear a black outfit with a white apron? You are not BU you need to stop doing things for him.

He sounds lazy but you are facilitating it by waiting on him hand and foot and running around after him and his kids.

Do you have any DC of your own OP?

I am wondering why you would tolerate what sounds like a life of servitude.

You're like a little servant. Plating up vooked breakfasta and dinners ans suppers to him 365 days a year.

You're being taken for a mug, love. He may as well live in a boarding house. Why would he change?

From the sounds of your life you really don't have much to moan about.. ..if you still feel hard done by just say 'no' to him. It isn't hard

Just stop doing stuff for him and give him specific jobs if needed. My DH isn't lazy but just doesn't think to put dinner on sometimes. He now has certain jobs he does regularly that he sticks too...ironing on a Sunday night as it's mainly his work shirts, stacking the dish washer and tidying the kitchen after tea, etc. He'll put washing in or hang it up if I ask or leave a note. He'll also get up and sort the kids breakfast etc. I use to do everything but now we have a happy medium. He just didn't realise how much I was actually doing and it doesn't come naturally to him to just think 'ooh the wash basket is full, I'll put a load on..." etc.

He's not a DP, he's a lazy lodger with 'benefits'!

Cook meals at times that suit you. If he doesn't like it, he can cook his own supper.

Why are you cooking meals for him and his kids if they've eaten already or don't want them? If he gets back from the club and says he's still hungry then point him in the direction of the toaster. Stop doing so much for him when he is capable of doing it himself. If you've cooked the meal then leave the dishwasher for him to do.

Why are you doing all this?? Just stop waiting on him.

If you want him to do more tell him. I think many people would sit around if they thought they could get away with it, you just need to tell him it's his turn to cook instead of just doing everything and begrudging it.

@Buster72 Yes, the OP is clearly posting from 1872. Because fire is so over as a way of heating one's home... HTH

Why are you doing all this stuff? Just stop. Just don't do it.

What's his lucrative job that only requires 1.5 days work a week to live comfortably? I want that job!!!

he was still hungry & could I make him supper.

When was this expectation set? I can't imagine ever doing anything but laugh out loud, if DH ever said that to me. Maybe as part of a conversation that included what he was going to do for me, or we took turns and it was my turn. Even then....

Thanks all - I know I’m a mug.

I like a tidy house so I guess I do it rather than sit in a mess.
I’ve just raided his wallet, walked to the corner shop & bought myself an overpriced bottle of wine & slab of chocolate.
I messaged him that if he wants dinner he’ll have to pick himself something up on the way home, that the dishwasher needs emptying because I am spending the afternoon under the duvet reading the papers.

I do all the dishwasher/washing machine/put bins out/cleaning /tea/coffee etc

You’re the one working FT, he’s working very part time, so all of this stops.

Like Tatiana said. He works part time, you work full time. He does the bulk of the housework and childcare.

He is lazy yes.
Do you have central heating? The fire seems to be a big chore for you, does it power your hot water or is it just a luxury?