Snapped - told DP he’s lazy , he says I’m BU

[AnAfternoonOfWineAndChocolate]

I just snapped this morning. This is a snap shot of the last few days but every day/weekend is pretty much the same.

DP works very sporadic hours but probably amounts to a day & a half a week. His job is v lucrative so he is happy as long he has enough to do what he wants.
I work for myself from home but not a job that requires 24/7 in front of the screen.

Thursday : DP gets up at 12ish. I made us a late breakfast (it’s always cooked). He drives into work for an hour then spent the evening at a end of season sports social. He came home to a roaring fire, said he was still hungry & could I make him supper.

Friday : Again he got up between 12-1. We drove to the supermarket. Returned home. I made a marinade & prepped meat for Saturday dinner. I cooked our dinner.

Saturday: I cooked breakfast, he then drove to pick his DCs up. I cleaned/tidied the house, prepped fire etc. They stopped for lunch on the way back. He watched back to back rugby. I made homemade EVERYTHING for dinner. 1 of his DC didn’t eat anything as she’d gorged on chocolate they’d bought at the garage on the way back (she was meant to share with everyone but didn’t).
I cleaned up. He put a match to the already prepped fire.

Today : I make tea/coffee. He texts his DC from bed & tells them he was going to shower so they needed to get up & help me by laying the table for breakfast. He has now gone to the club & will have drinks/lunch there.

I do all the dishwasher/washing machine/put bins out/cleaning /tea/coffee etc.

He will open a bottle of wine & prep the fire maybe once a week.

I snapped & lost it this morning. He said I need to calm down & he would do stuff eventually. I think he is just fucking lazy.

Are you really suggesting, eggysmom, that those sort of things take up as much time as cleaning and cooking?

No - I was wondering if he dumped those other tasks onto her also!

Having a fire is odd because it is 2018 and the most inefficient methid of heating a home. It also adds to the op woes as she has an additional task in prepping and cleaning the fireplace.
FYI he is not lazy but you have enabled his attitude by not telling him to poke it years ago

It was no surprise to find he had kids with a previous -mug- wife.
Sounds like she had a narrow escape
I suppose the money is attractive.

I don't understand why, if he can earn great money on 1.5 days per week he wouldn't work a bit harder and work twice as long and earn double!

Does he have the world's greatest cock or something? I don't understand why anyone would skivvy for an adult like this when a) they don't appreciate it b) they're sat being a lazy arse most of the time.

Fuck that.

I'd just stop doing anything for him. If he asks why you say because it wasn't appreciated.

OP, stop your martyr routine. Stop pandering to this overgrown manchild and grow a spine.

Next weekend, go off and stay somewhere nice to be pampered, a relative, friend or hotel, b&b, enjoy spa treatments, watch a film, relax and enjoy yourself. It sounds like he gets to eat out at clubs and enjoy a relaxing social life while your at home slaving away for his return, simple don't be there on his return next weekend, just tell him your having some much needed 'me' time and leave him to it, he will soon realise he needs to do more

When my grandma was 90 she heard my youngest sister had moved in with her (then) boyfriend and said ‘isn’t it good that you can try living together before getting married these days, then if they don’t measure up you can decide not to make it permanent.’
I think she nailed it, no further advice needed.

He came home to a roaring fire, said he was still hungry & could I make him supper.

So, erm, you say..... No?

To be a bit blunt, you're doing that thing of being a martyr and expecting him to notice and feel guilty. He hasn't and doesn't.

Snapping and shouting about all you do won't really help although it probably felt good. You've probably been silently seething about this for ages!

Sit down with him and divide the chores equally? Then it's all black and white.

I'm also curious about his job. I can't imagine a lucrative career that only requires a day and a half of work a week.

Yes he is an idle lazy git. Stop enabling him and tell him to get his finger out and do the fire/washing/cooking/cleaning up.

He came home to a roaring fire, said he was still hungry & could I make him supper.
Er there's the fridge...

why did you tell him to make his own supper?

also, what's so unusual about having a fire?

didn't you tell him I mean

Did he grow up in a house that had domestic staff ? Why is he treating you as if that is what you are ?

My brain can't compute alucrative job that involves a day n ahalfs work Anyway stop doing everything for him what does he do for you ?

He is lazy, you’re a mug. I hope you raise any sons to understand that housework is not just women’s work!
Stop enabling him to be so fucking lazy. My husband works full time (long) hours, I work part time, but my DH helps with the housework when he is home and does more than his share.

Why did you tell him to pick something up on his way home if he wants something to eat?! Why can he not come home and make something nice for the both of you, rather than bringing home a takeaway? Or did you mean the former - because you're lousy at expressing yourself if you did?!

I'm thinking it's one of those well paid jobs that no one really knows what they do but they get paid a lot MrsJ like Business analyst or "Brand Ambassador".

So who looks after his children while he is watching rugby and out at his club ?

And yes, tbh, you sound like a martyr. It is irritating when people are silently resentful and then get cross apparently out of the blue. If you don't like doing all the work and genuinely want something to change, then don't do all the work, explode and then sulk under a duvet, because he'll just assume something intensely offensive and aggravating, like you're being a bit hormonal at the moment or something. You need a proper conversation if you want real change, not to play into his hands by acting like a resentful mug.

Having a fire is odd because it is 2018 and the most inefficient methid of heating a home

Don’t talk bollocks.

I'm thinking it's one of those well paid jobs that no one really knows what they do but they get paid a lot MrsJ like Business analyst or "Brand Ambassador"

Ah right so a lot of twitter sharing and hashtaging on instagram nice job if you can get it but it seems to have turned him into an entitled git

We have an open fire every night in winter and it's totally fabulous, I don't get why anyone would think it's weird though.

Why are you making a cooked breakfast every day?! Tell him to have a banana or something.

Lady Monica wood burners have made a comeback and lots of people have them .You make it sound like using a phone box.