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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH weekends away?

69 replies

namechange9988 · 17/03/2018 22:55

I just would like some other opinions on "heated debate" dh and I have just had! I don't know if i abu or whether he is...!

Context, he is going away on a 4 day stag to Portugal in May, he's been on many a stag for long weekends the last few years, he was away for a long weekend last year with friends to watch rugby in Paris, none of which I've ever had a problem with. Nights out aren't super often but again something that is never a problem. He's just asked me how I feel about him going away for the weekend for another sporting event two weeks after the stag in Portugal, I won't say What as to not give too much away but it's an event he would play in (socially, he used to be professional) but it's basically a pi** up weekend which is aimed at a much younger crowd, probably more 18-mid 20's, he's mid 30's (I know as I've been before when younger and it's well known for it) he would go and on a team for some boys (all early 20's oldest) that he employs in his current business and also play the sport.

I said that no I wasn't really happy with that, considering the situation and considering the stag two weeks prior. We also have two DC, 3 and 6 months. He's now got all shirty about it and annoyed I suppose because he assumed I'd be all for it. AIBU?!

OP posts:

ohfourfoxache · 17/03/2018 22:57

I assume that you’ll be leaving the dc with him to have your own numerous weekends away?

Justdontknow4321 · 17/03/2018 23:07

No I wouldn’t be happy with it and would also say no.
Stag do no problem but going away 2 weeks later is to much.

Butterymuffin · 17/03/2018 23:09

What ohfour and Just said.

Scrumptiousbears · 17/03/2018 23:11

Only if I got the same amount of weekends away with my friends.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 23:13

Yanbu, he's taking the piss.

AnyFucker · 17/03/2018 23:13

A big fat nope from me

He's a family man now. Or has he forgotten this ?

Fruitcorner123 · 17/03/2018 23:15

Chances are with a baby at 6 months the OP won't be having many weekends away. I thing YANBU and he was wrong to assume you would be fine with it. However he did ask rather than just write it in the calendar so he sounds like he will accept your poor however reluctantly.

Fruitcorner123 · 17/03/2018 23:15

your POV not your poor (stupid autocorrect!)

OwlinaTree · 17/03/2018 23:20

It's a bit much with him having just had one mini break, to then have another straight after it. I'd say I wasn't happy really. If it's an annual event he could go next year. A stag is a bit different, it's a one off, so I suppose if it was another stag I'd be more likely to accept it.

Life changes when you have kids. This is one of the ways it changes. He has to accept that.

YellowFlipFlops · 17/03/2018 23:22

The only thing that would bother me would be the cost. If money wasn't a problem, I wouldn't mind, on the understanding that I would get to go away or have days out or whatever at some point too.

GrooovyLass · 17/03/2018 23:30

As long as you get two weekends away virtually on the trot too...

eridanus · 17/03/2018 23:30

well maybe if he has nothing else he is going to go to for the rest of the year, as in trips that require overnight stays, you could probably say ok, but let him know that's it for some time to come? I completely understand your annoyance especially with a 6 month old and him getting shirty about it is probably a reason to say no. But if nights out are rare, sometimes things just fall together inconveniently and as long as he is prepared to give you back the same time if you want to do something, maybe it is not unreasonable of him to ask.

MagicNumbers1234 · 17/03/2018 23:35

Yanbu. That's a lot of expensive trips away for one member of your family to spend on themselves.

Quartz2208 · 17/03/2018 23:37

Nope not all at

arethereanyleftatall · 17/03/2018 23:41

It's fine for me as long as you get the same opportunities.
But dh and I are on the same page with still enjoying our hobbies with dc.

HeddaGarbled · 17/03/2018 23:45

No, YANBU. He's pushing his luck. A social weekend abroad without his family, once a year is just about acceptable, if you can afford it, and if you have family holidays too, and if the option is also open to you if you want it. Any more than that is selfish.

Original poster

namechange9988 · 17/03/2018 23:47

Thank you for your replies! I was starting to wonder if I was being really unreasonable about it. I don't do anything like weekends away or nights out, I have a lot of anxiety about leaving DC's, which is my fault, he says he would never have any problem with me going away, which I do believe but also don't know for certain as it's not something he's ever contended with!

OP posts:

MegBusset · 17/03/2018 23:47

Going against the grain here but unless money is an issue (in which case of course he would have to pick and choose his breaks) this wouldn't bother me at all. DH and I don't have to live in each other's pockets, I have no problem with him having weekends away and think it's healthy to maintain independent social lives. Yes, that's tough for you at the moment with your baby but that won't be forever.

LovingLola · 17/03/2018 23:54

Your anxiety about going away is your issue and you should deal with it and not use it as a stick to beat your husband with.

Duckeggbluetin · 17/03/2018 23:58

They are just babies it's hardly abnormal to feel nervous about leaving a 6 month old and a three year old overnight.

Original poster

namechange9988 · 17/03/2018 23:59

I wouldn't say I use my anxiety to metaphorically best my husband, he goes away a fair amount with friends, goes out, is very social which is not at all an issue in our marriage! This thing I'm asking about bothers me for the reasons stated!

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/03/2018 00:07

It is hard to be an extrovert married to an introvert.

Do you need to go out more together? Childcare?

kubex · 18/03/2018 00:09

Wouldn't bother me at all.

The second trip with his staff sounds like a good team building opportunity that will result in increased productivity.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 18/03/2018 00:12

Unfortunate they fell in the same month but I'd have no issue with either and would be very if my DH said I couldn't go to two events in a month.

I think it's good to maintain interests and friendships as no relationship is guaranteed and all to often people drop everything and are left with no one when the relationship breaks down.

Presumably he can afford to attend both without going into debt for them as finances aren't mentioned.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/03/2018 00:16

Yes, that's tough for you at the moment with your baby but that won't be forever

It is also his baby

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