DH weekends away?

[namechange9988]

I just would like some other opinions on "heated debate" dh and I have just had! I don't know if i abu or whether he is...!

Context, he is going away on a 4 day stag to Portugal in May, he's been on many a stag for long weekends the last few years, he was away for a long weekend last year with friends to watch rugby in Paris, none of which I've ever had a problem with. Nights out aren't super often but again something that is never a problem. He's just asked me how I feel about him going away for the weekend for another sporting event two weeks after the stag in Portugal, I won't say What as to not give too much away but it's an event he would play in (socially, he used to be professional) but it's basically a pi** up weekend which is aimed at a much younger crowd, probably more 18-mid 20's, he's mid 30's (I know as I've been before when younger and it's well known for it) he would go and on a team for some boys (all early 20's oldest) that he employs in his current business and also play the sport.

I said that no I wasn't really happy with that, considering the situation and considering the stag two weeks prior. We also have two DC, 3 and 6 months. He's now got all shirty about it and annoyed I suppose because he assumed I'd be all for it. AIBU?!

I had a weeks holiday abroad last year, with female relatives. DH did not demand a week away for him so I could go.

I have had various weekends away in the last couple of years, DH has never had an issue.

Currently, I seem to be having more nights out (not many, maybe 4 or 5 in the last 6 months) DH has had none. Again, he has never expressed that this is unfair and it is now his "turn"

Just the way it is currently.

A few years back it seemed to be the other way around. Due to the fact more of his friends were getting married and a few of them had weekends away for the Stag.

I think as long you can afford and he's not going away two weekends every month then it's fine.

I do think he is a bit unreasonable to ask for your opinion and then get shirty when he doesn't like the answer though.

It'd be a fuck less tough for her if the baby's father acted like the father of a baby and toddler rather than a single man. And it is not over-anxious to not want to leave a 6 month old while you go gallivanting for a weekend.

I've no problem with my DH socializing etc. Personally I wouldn't be happy if he had a 4 night break and then wanted another whole weekend straight after. When's the family time? A one night stay over is a lot less bother imho.

Wouldn't bother me either. I don't have to give permission to my DH nor the right to take permission away. Neither do I have to 'ask' to have weekends away myself. We discuss things as adults. But yes he could go in the knowledge that I was happy with it

The usual mantra is that it’s OK if you get the same away time.

However, if you don’t want to go away yourself (for whatever reason), then I think it’s a bit mean to stop him.

I don't do men that enjoy stag events.

I think the second weekend is too much and too soon after the stag weekend. By the sounds of it, it is just an excuse for another piss up, it’s not like they’re close friends?

YANBU. When you’re at home with very young children, basically the only difference between your weekdays and your weekends is having your partner around to help you out. 2 long weekends so close together is a bit much IMO.

As long as you can afford it I don't see the problem he's an adult and you want to stay with the children.

I think yanbu and I'd say the same to my dh in your shoes. I'm presuming he works in the week and you're on maternity leave so weekends are when you get a bit of a break from being solely responsible for 2 small children, which cam be exhausting and monotonous. I would limit my husband working away to once a month with a 6 month old. He'd have the occasional night away socially too- fine. A four stag stag followed 2 weeks later by a 2 day piss up? No fucking way. It's not about making him miss out or not giving him his freedom, it's about respect for the work you do at home and consideration of your needs.

OP it doesn't sound like you want your DH to lives in each other's pockets, or that you have issues with his hobbies or any of the other comments made by the cool wives on here today .

You sound really supportive of your DH but I agree that this second weekend away is very different than a stag do for friends or a hobby weekend. It's a piss up with guys 15yrs younger than him. A 6 month old is hard work, especially with a toddler at home too so after such a close stag weekend I'd be making the same call as you. YANBU.

Love all the cool wives.. "oh id be totally fine with this"... i wouldn't at all! My husband works 1 in 3 weekends so our time together on a weekend is limited as it is so this would be a definite no!

And i think when you have children you SHOULD ask your partner before gallevanting away for the weekend, given they'll then be doing all the childcare!

I’d suggest to spend the weekend away together instead or he goes next year when he won’t have the stag do as well.

That’s not really on. I wouldn’t even suggest it to my wife.

Also highly unprofessional of him to go on a piss up weekend with his employees.

It wouldn’t be a problem for me.

wouldn't bother me at all with no children or teens but a 6 months old and a 3 year old are bloody hard work.

If you let him go, make sure you arrange your own long weekend away. you say he won't have an issue with it (probably because he assumes you won't go in any case) but staying away for a weekend yourself might be a wake up call

Personally I would be fine with it but if you are not that is what matters

I wouldn’t have any problem with this, but to protect yourself from him taking advantage I would say well go if you like but I’m not entirely happy about it. That way he won’t think you are up for this weekend after weekend. They can have the ability to take advantage can these social butterfly husbands

It wouldn’t bother me at all, I’d be planning my weekends away with friends.

Reading selected snippets to my DH who has a raging post-Twickers hangover (@Anyfucker, I particularly liked your’s). I totally empathise OP. You are not being unreasonable. My DH has many good points and I love him so, but his social life is essentially unchanged after DD, who is 3. Stag dos and all many ‘boys’ tours’, ‘German football tours’, ‘6 Nations double-headers’ (i.e. Paris then Rome in one weekend), FA Cup pilgrimages and Champions League juants. It drives me mad. He is away for two weekends in a row in May (admitedly one is a family wedding abroad that I can’t attend as too close to my due date but no suggestion that the rugby weekend after would be cancelled). He is a CF. He was in Dublin last weekend for the rugby but was annoyed yesterday that my hair appointment was eating into pre-match time.

Needless to say he thinks your DH is being entirely reasonable!

Of course he’s fine with you going away. Afterall, it’s hypothetical and therefore doesn’t have to deal with the actual reality. Too much in my book. There will be another sporting event. When you become a parent, you make choices. I’m chronically ill and dh does a couple of long weekends a year tops as I struggle to manage.

I think it really depends why you’re not happy with it. If it’s because it’ll be a struggle to cope with children on your own then YANBU and he should understand. If it’s more just a feeling of “but you’ve just been away” and it’s simply bad timing that the two things he wants to do are so close together, then I think YABU.

Providing we could afford it I wouldn't be bothered. Ironically I think if it were the other way around though my DH would have a problem with me going. I think it's just bad luck that it's all fallen at the same time. Sometimes we have months like that where a lot of events seem to match up.