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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really pissed off with my family

91 replies

Familysucks4 · 08/03/2018 17:18

It was my son’s birthday recently. He is teen, he has HFA. I only mention it as he has been having a really rough time with school, hormones, feeling quite down etc.

He got 2 birthday cards. 1 from me, the other from my next door neighbour. No card (or gifts) from his dad, Nan, 3 brothers (older not at home), grandad, my sister, my adult nephews, my best friend, no one. Not even a phone call or a text.

I always buy presents, cards for all of the above. I always visit my sister for example, take gifts, wine, card etc.

My son for example even buys his dad, Nan, brothers cards and little gifts out of his pocket money on their birthdays.

It’s upset me that no one has bothered or even realised they have forgotten. My son would have noticed, but is too polite to mention it. He has really low self esteem.

Would you say something? To everyone? Or just not bother being considerate when it comes to their birthdays anymore? Or rise above it?

It probably sounds a bit petty. The final straw was I visited my best friend today. It’s her birthday next week, she asked what we were doing for her birthday. I usually make her a cake, take wine, gifts, card etc. She knew it was my son’s birthday and didn’t even bother texting to wish him a happy birthday.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 08/03/2018 17:25

I've had a cull this year. Sick of marking birthdays, anniversaries etc and not getting as much as a text in return. Don't bother your shirt, and if any of the cf comment, tell them why. YANBU.

sparklepops123 · 08/03/2018 17:35

No I'd be fuming . My mil didn't bother acknowledging my sons birthday this year. I was looking online the other day to send her a bouquet for Mother's Day and thought no I'm not sending any!

MachineBee · 08/03/2018 17:37

That’s rubbish OP. I’d be upset too. I would think twice now about sending anything more than just a card for those who forgot. Some might even just get a FB msg.

Icantstopeatinglol · 08/03/2018 17:37

I’d be telling your friend you’ll be doing the same as she’s did for your sons birthday! How cheeky. It’s hard, id feel like screaming at them but in the other hand taking it as a sign to not bother for their birthdays either.

Namechangetempissue · 08/03/2018 17:40

That's awful. I'm not one for making a huge deal of birthdays, but his own immediate family to competely ignore it? I would be furious -and telling them I was.

martellandginger · 08/03/2018 17:40

I would kick all their arses in to touch. maybe not friends but family certainly. ask them if cards and gifts are no longer happening and see what their reaction is. To many people on here buy stuff for everyone's birthday with not so much as homemade card in return. At least you have a nice neighbour.

GeorgeTheHippo · 08/03/2018 17:41

I'd say something. That's so sad for your poor son.

Original poster

Familysucks4 · 08/03/2018 17:47

My son got his Nan a Nan card and flowers on mothers day last year too. Father’s Day cards and gifts. My son is so considerate. I’m really pissed off that his dad and Nan haven’t bothered. His dad has only recently (last year) resumed contact, after not seeing ds for 5 years.

He knew it was ds’s birthday, as ds messaged him the week before. Takes 2 minuted to pop a card in the post

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 08/03/2018 17:48

I would make sure that family know he received two cards and one was from a neighbour. It is pretty useless. You don’t give to receive but he’s a child still and remembers them.

SnowOnTheSeine · 08/03/2018 17:49

That is appalling !

I'd tell them how hurt you both are. Shame them

Original poster

Familysucks4 · 08/03/2018 17:54

I felt like crying for my ds. He has no friends. A visit from someone would have been nice. We had a birthday dinner in McDonalds, just ds and I

OP posts:

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 08/03/2018 18:00

I’d be livid with your other sons. How could they ignore their brother’s Birthday? That’s horrible.

Ninoo25 · 08/03/2018 18:00

That’s awful. YANBU. My MIL always buys a card and present for my eldest, but has never gotten so much as a card for my youngest. She is always invited to their birthday parties. She never comes, but she does know when it’s their birthdays because of the invite, so it’s not like she doesn’t know when my youngest’s Birthday is. For some reason it pees me off more than if she ignored both of their birthdays. Some people are so weird and rude 😡 She’s only little now so hasn’t noticed, but she will start noticing in the next couple of years and I think she’ll feel hard done to!

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/03/2018 18:04

What a shower of bastards hugs for you and your DS op, I'm sure he is a lovely lad.

Lovestonap · 08/03/2018 18:07

Yeah, I'd go public with how outraged I was. Normally I'm a bit 'rise above it' with stuff like this, but for your entire family to ignore his birthday? What message does that send to him? They could redeem it by giving/sending him something now before it's too late.

noenergy · 08/03/2018 18:08

That's awful.

Maybe you should have reminded your sons or organised a special family dinner for him.

DavidPuddy · 08/03/2018 18:10

It might have been petty mentioning something were it for your birthday, perhaps.

But I don't think bit would be the slightest bit petty bringing it up for your son's birthday. Sometimes people deserve to know when they have let us down and deserve to feel that shame.

They have done an awful thing, but it is you and your son carrying the full burden of it. Don't accept that; pass it back to them.

Original poster

Familysucks4 · 08/03/2018 18:12

Notall I don’t know where I went wrong with the other 3 (one is a half brother) 2 of them don’t bother with Christmas either, for me or ds. One of my older ds’s did visit at Christmas and got his brother a gift. Possibly too wrapped up with their own lives.

OP posts:

bushtailadventures · 08/03/2018 18:12

What utter bastards!! I would have to say something, at least to his Dad and his brothers. I'd also not be bothering to remember anyone else's birthday this year, see how they like it.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/03/2018 18:13

That’s really shit of them all. I would say something even if it’s a group message to them all saying that you’ll no longer be doing gifts but a heads up that they had already stopped so you could have known would have been nice
bloody bastards!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 08/03/2018 18:15

Ninoo25 I would tell her that if she can’t treat the kids the same then don’t get the older one something if I were you!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 18:17

That's so awful. What's wrong with some people?

I think I would say something, yes. And I wouldn't bother buying them anything when it's their birthday either.

bettytaghetti · 08/03/2018 18:21

Knowing what they are all like, did you not think to prompt them with a text to make sure they contacted your son? I know you shouldn't be their social secretary, but for your son's self-esteem perhaps you need to do this sort of thing.
I would say to your friend that you didn't think you were bothering with birthdays anymore since she hadn't said anything about DS's birthday.
YANBU though and they are all selfish twats.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 08/03/2018 18:22

In that case OP I would have a word with all 3 of them. Perhaps together. Sit down with them all and tell them how upset you and DS are that they all forgot his birthday and ask that they put it right and maybe they could take him for a birthday meal? I would also suggest you all start spending time together more often for special occasions. Obviously they have their own lives but they can take time out to acknowledge their mother and brother at Xmas and on birthday, Mother’s Day etc.

ohohoops · 08/03/2018 18:23

I would mention it but more in a I am worried about DS as he only got a card from me and neighbour. They can draw their own conclusions about how he must have felt and might be more thoughtful next time. I do also text my family on the day if they forget my kids' bdays (not fussed if they forget mine but can be a bit crap myself so am always grateful for reminders!)

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