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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for repayment

54 replies

deffonamechange18 · 18/02/2018 13:20

Long story short I agreed to loan a close family member the cash to allow them and partner to join a big family trip. Was happy to do so to have them there. Agreed repayment was the month following the trip. At the end of the month following the trip I enquired and mentioned I now had to pay the trip costs on my credit card - I was told original promised repayment month wasn't possible and would following month be ok? I agreed but it hasn't been mentioned since
Do I leave it and wait and see or do I have to chase this ?

OP posts:
Fudgesauce · 18/02/2018 13:22

If you leave it they will never pay and you will feel embarrassed to keep asking. Put it in writing when you expect payment and don’t move from it, or accept the loan was a gift and chalk it down to experience.

Sparklesocks · 18/02/2018 13:25

I think you have to chase, they’re taking the mick and hoping if they leave it you will too. How long ago was it last mentioned?
You could just send a breezy message explaining the credit card thing and that you have been expecting it since XX Date, re-send the bank details as a reminder?

GetsPostByOwl · 18/02/2018 13:46

Chase it. Make it clear that the credit card needs paying off now. It's not money you had and lent, it's a debt you owe on their behalf.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 18/02/2018 13:50

Sadly it seems like you'll have to chase it. It was very inconsiderate of them to a) not repay you as agreed and b) not even tell you they had no plans to repay you that month.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 18/02/2018 14:13

Chase it and give them a firm date to repay. Add a little note that if they don’t pay by this date, you will incur credit card costs they will also have to pay.

Kikashi · 18/02/2018 14:26

They are CF's and probably have no intention of paying - you will have to chase. Guilt them that you are incurring credit card charges and remind them they promised to pay. Ask them how do they suggest they repay you? Take anything offered.

IME never, ever lend family unless you are prepared/able to write the loan off.

Gazelda · 18/02/2018 15:21

Chase it and explain the charges you are incurring.

londonrach · 18/02/2018 15:30

Chase it. Id do a white lie saying you getting charges as bill not paid which you cover if cf could pay the amount he promised it 7 days.

BackforGood · 18/02/2018 15:43

You need to chase it, and explain that interest rates on credit cards are really high, so the debt is increasing.

Ragwort · 18/02/2018 15:45

Chase it but don't be surprised if you never see it again, we lent a large sum to a family member for deposit & first month payment on a rental property, full or promises to pay it back etc etc - we never saw it again ............. and it is very difficult to pursue the 'legalities' of it all when it is close relatives. Sad.

Lesson learned the hard way.

DancesWithOtters · 18/02/2018 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 19/02/2018 03:54

Yes they are deffo CFs in fact I have the rage when I think about the fact that whilst on trip they borrowed money for, they swanned off on a shopping spree returning with a number of designer bags and no attempt to hide or explain - so clearly didn't think twice about how that looked to me!
The trip was early December and I emailed towards end of Jan (agreed payment would be received in Jan) and mentioned CC bill had come in. Was asked if I could accept it in February and hasn't been mentioned since. I think I'll give it til nxt week and say it has to be paid now - I do in fact know they've had some money / payments come in this month so they are good for it. Unless they prioritize paying off their own cc for their shopping spree of course Hmm

OP posts:
snakeshun · 19/02/2018 04:29

Don't wait til next week op. Chances are they will just spend all their money or come up with excuses.

emmyrose2000 · 19/02/2018 05:02

Definitely pursue it. Also point out that the longer they leave it, the more interest they're going to have to pay as obviously they're not expecting you to pay extra (interest) for THEIR debt?

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/02/2018 05:02

As snake says, don’t keep waiting. Email them now and remind them they owe you the money and ask what date you can expect to see it. Also confirm payment method. You can be breezy and nice about it. The point is to not just let it slide. If they don’t commit to a date or don’t make payment by the date committed to, then you get a bit more demanding.

Do not agree that it’s OK for them to let it slide any further at all. If they try that just remind them they have already taken the money for far longer than you originally agreed if necessary you can mention that since you saw they had the means to shop well on the trip so you see no good reason for them to expect you to further fund their lifestyle.

KC225 · 19/02/2018 05:17

Persue it NOW but key it be a lesson that if you have to out it in a credit card then you don't have to lend it. They should have putbutbon a credit card but I guess they have no credit ....... Wonder why

Good luck OP.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/02/2018 05:58

Don’t wait. Send them an email. Get as much as possible in writing. Don’t give up either. Cheeky fuckers borrowing money to go on a designer clothing spending spree.

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 19/02/2018 18:43

Hi all thanks for confirming that I'm not mad to be annoyed about this ! It is a VERY close family member if u see what I mean. I know there's been some temporary financial issues which is why I was happy to lend initially and also to put it off a bit more.
However a few things then made me feel I was being taken the piss out of - the spree on the trip, another one over Xmas blatantly in front of me, a long weekend expensive trip taken since then, finding out their flights were paid for by someone else, finding out they have a half term trip booked when again flights were paid for (but presumably they'll need a weeks spending money!), knowing they have a cash injection coming in and the zero follow up. If I'd ever borrowed money I'd be scrambling not only to pay it back but to keep the loaner up to date.
I just found my last communication about it at the end of Jan and saw the response was I should have it the following week - nothing said since. I've just asked again.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/02/2018 18:45

Start ringing up, it’s easy to ignore emails.

LemonSqueezy0 · 19/02/2018 19:11

Don't give up- the other people who have lent money to them since you subbed them for the holiday might shout louder and therefore be paid back first. By not Insisting on payment you'll be marked as someone they can continue to fob off and take the mickey out of...

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/02/2018 19:14

Don't give up! You really should've said something when they were treating themselves, though.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/02/2018 19:19

Do not wait until next week. Do it now. If they try to delay, be a pest, be hugely woe is me. Do not be all nice, quiet and understanding about it.

Oh, and don't lend money to a known CF again but you have probably worked that out already.

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 20/02/2018 00:44

brilliant yes I know I think I was so gobsmacked at the time ha ha !
Ok so I've been told "this week" I'll keep u posted

OP posts:
Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 20/02/2018 00:47

I was ok to agree originally as the trip was booked 6months ahead before any money issues. It was an expensive trip due to the things we chose to do. But the shopping and spending on other things (presumably racking up CC debt of their own) is just shit.
The point is I'm NOT desperate for it but they don't KNOW that and could likely be in a bind about this- but it's like a presumption that I don't need it so it's not a priority !!

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 20/02/2018 00:53

Ask for it today. Then keep chasing. Tell them you want it by a specific day in about 5 days time. Chase it again on that day. Call, make a pest of yourself. They have no shame, why should you pussyfoot around them

And make a mental note never to lend them money again. They sound like, a bad risk to me. Sorry that will not be possible " would be a good comeback to any further requests (and they will come- they sound hopeless with money)

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