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Original poster

To ask for repayment

54 replies

deffonamechange18 · 18/02/2018 13:20

Long story short I agreed to loan a close family member the cash to allow them and partner to join a big family trip. Was happy to do so to have them there. Agreed repayment was the month following the trip. At the end of the month following the trip I enquired and mentioned I now had to pay the trip costs on my credit card - I was told original promised repayment month wasn't possible and would following month be ok? I agreed but it hasn't been mentioned since
Do I leave it and wait and see or do I have to chase this ?

OP posts:
Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 07:43

Update! So was told a week ago that I'd get it this week and method was even discussed - so I considered that to be Sunday - shocker it's now Sunday (early hours Monday) and it's not been mentioned yet again nor obviously been paid. I didn't really expect it to be tbh
So what are my next steps? Bearing in mind this is a CLOSE RELATIVE! But that i also know from a mutual close relative that they had some money coming in from various work stuff around now?
To me it's distasteful to have to keep asking especially considering the relationship. I find it insulting actually that I'm having to do so as I know if I was the borrowing I'd be all over it and desperately updating the lender as I'd be embarrassed about it - but I'm definitely not willing to give up and let it go.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 26/02/2018 07:47

They’re just going to hope you give up asking, you need to keep asking - make it uncomfortable for them, I know it’s not nice as it’s a relative but if you’re not firm and clear they will continue to take the piss (and yes they are taking the piss out of you).
Why are you being so protective about the relationship being affected when they don’t offer you the same courtesy?
Text/call now to ask about payment.

C0untDucku1a · 26/02/2018 07:49

Phone them and ask what time the money is going into your account. Is it an interest free cc account? If not, add the interest.

Ragwort · 26/02/2018 08:01

Can you go and see them and just discuss it face to face? I know it's going to be awkward but you are going to have to say something like 'I am really disappointed that you haven't yet paid back the £X I lent you but you have booked another holiday/whatever.'.

If I am brutally honest I think it is unlikely you will see the money again, we lent a close relation over £1X as a rental deposit and have never been repaid more than £100 - and they have since left the rental property (so what happened to the deposit? Confused) and spent huge amounts on totally unnecessary stuff - like a pedigree cat). Like you we don't actively 'need' the money but it is very, very disappointing to be treated by family members like this. We have just mentally written off the money now, in the interests of family harmony.

BrownTurkey · 26/02/2018 08:08

Phone up or ideally go round in person with someone to back you up, and ask ‘ok, so I lent you a substantial amount of money, you have not yet repayed it which as you can imagine is causing additional costs for me. I see that you spent money freely on that holiday and on subsequent trips, and yet you have not prioritised paying me back. I do not want to fall out with you, but honestly what am I supposed to do? This is not OK. I want the money paid today - what do you need to do to arrange that?’ I feel outraged on your behalf - and they need to learn that they can’t keep doing this, otherwise they will end up not speaking to anyone and maybe materially well off but probably not, as they clearly can’t manage money.

Kikashi · 26/02/2018 08:08

Text or email and say you hope the money is being paid in today as you are desperate for it. That is what CF's who borrow without intention to pay back usually say. Your relative may have rationalised that it is "dead" money to you and that you can easily afford to have subbed them.

It's a horrid situation to be in especially when you were being kind to them.

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/02/2018 08:09

Have they got an Xbox, video games etc
I would be suggesting loading as much stuff into your car to take to CEX as part payment.

buddhasbelly · 26/02/2018 08:11

There's an episode of Frasier where he lends roz some money and then she goes out getting spa treatments, shopping etc. Martin's advice was not to comment on purchases etc but of course Frasier does
Anyway...the end of the episode is rid writing Frasier a check which she then borrows of someone to fulfil it...

Anyways, you'll need to keep chasing. They've shown through their actions so far that they're not going to be proactive about it so you'll need to vigilant about chasing. But also be prepared that they may just keep avoiding.

You could suggest a staggered repayment but the problem with that is, it's all too easy for someone to think oh namechange has received half, that's more than we were ever going to pay, surely she'll forget the rest, what's X amount between family?

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 08:14

Sadly live far away so in person not possible at all. When I asked a week ago the reply was we will pay you this week and the method was agreed. In my mind I decided Sunday was the end of the week so wait and see
This is what I plan to send tmrw

"Feel very uncomfortable to have to ask again but will you be sending me money for XXX as agreed today ?
I’m fielding my own CC payments for things I paid for as gifts for DH on the trip in December and need to settle all of that ASAP

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/02/2018 08:17

I think you are still being far too polite, why not phone up directly and have the conversation rather than endless texting?

I know it is difficult, I have been there. Sad.

RestingBitchFaced · 26/02/2018 08:18

Stop assuming and ask when this week it will be repaid, sounds like they keep fobbing you off. Also ring and speak to them, it's harder for them to wiggle out of it then.

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 08:18

rag am way more assertive that way lol
But yes I know what you're saying

OP posts:
Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 08:20

resting well the kicker is "this week" when repayment was agreed ended today !!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 26/02/2018 08:20

Well you've learned the hard way OP. Have you never read any of the hundreds and very similar threads on MN over the years?

Never loan ANYONE money unless you can afford to write it off because a lot of the time that's what ends up happening and it soils relationships and friendships. I know you were trying to be nice but...

However, putting someone else's debt on your own credit card, which is what in effect you've done, is really financially stupid and irresponsible.

TheHobbitMum · 26/02/2018 08:22

Definitely keep chasing
OP although I sadly think they'll keep coming up with excuses! Complete CFs

Muchtoomuchtodo · 26/02/2018 08:28

You need to be upfront and tell them just how all of this is making you feel.

I know that text/ email is easier as it gives you a chance to think about your response but it's now getting to the stage where you're going to have to phone them. Have a think of how the conversation might go and be prepared. Write a few key phrases down that you can keep coming back to 'When will you be paying my money back?' 'You don't have the money? Well funnily enough neither do I!' 'This situation is upsetting me and you need to pay me back the money that I lent to you.' etc.

Is it a sibling? Could a parent apply pressure for you too?

Keep us posted op, I'm cross on your behalf.

bakingaddict · 26/02/2018 08:33

Give them a tally of their possessions you expect if they are reluctant to pay you back. Why you would get into CC debt for someone else without drawing up a loan contract does astound me.

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 08:35

shatner will have to fess up to being the slowest learner ever since I'm 18 months off loaning a "friend" some money in an "emergency" when she was on holiday and called me in a panic. She gaslighted me for a few months then totally ghosted me! It was a pretty small amount but it was more the principal.
This time ok I'll specify (I didn't before in case she's on here but no longer care as may do her good to read) my DSISand BIL on a long planned trip for DH which when booked they had money for but at the time had run into some issues due to deciding to quit jobs and start a joint business. So I didn't really think twice
But now I hear from DM who is unaware "oh we subbed them this and paid for that" and "oh BIL is due this money" etc
I also don't want to involve DM as suspect she'd pay it for them and don't want her too. I'm younger if it matters !

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 26/02/2018 08:38

Make a huge nuisance of yourself, OP. Scrap the "feeling very uncomfortable to have to ask again", you've no business feeling uncomfortable as you did nothing wrong. It's them who should be ashamed! Call them, don't text/email. Call them every single day until they've repaid you. Be persistent, make them want to pay you back if only to shut you up Grin

Original poster
deffonamechange18 · 26/02/2018 08:40

baking reality is I'm NOT going into CC debt for this and I suspect they know that which is why I'm not a priority but they don't need to know that and it's my reason for chasing (though I know I shouldn't need one)

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 26/02/2018 08:44

Set up a WhatsApp group for the entire family who went on the trip. Give the payment request timeline and date of credit card bill say you've been unable to pay the credit card and can everyone please chip in until C.F. Can afford to pay as it's racking up interest.

InfiniteSheldon · 26/02/2018 08:46

Sorry slow typing and crossed with your updates. I think you can whistle for it they ain't going to pay and you have no leverage. C.F. Indeed

ShatnersWig · 26/02/2018 08:46

OP Now you've told the full story I can't believe how gullible and foolish you have been. You lost money in similar circumstances before but then went and repeated the mistake with someone else? Clearly financial foolishness runs in the family as your DSIS and BIL shouldn't have quit their jobs until AFTER the long planned trip. Why on earth would you give money to people who did that? Seriously? They were stupid and you were stupid too.

Backscratchesforever · 26/02/2018 09:00

I would be firm, and text and email and call everyday asking for it. I would also start mentioning that you will have no choice but to add on top the credit card fees and interest as it is affecting your credit history.

Ex lent his DB and SILmoney for a family holiday, he proposed on holiday with a huge ring he brought over there on the trip. Ex did this out of a loan he got for a car. He never saw the money 10 years later, and they were minted whereas we didn’t have a pot to piss in.

I’d never lend money to family, unless a legal contract was written up first.

Doubletrouble99 · 26/02/2018 09:14

If they say sorry can't pay just now I would say right I need the interest I've been charged now. I would also at that if you can't pay in one go do you want to pay in 3/4 instalments and pay the interest? Then if they agree write up an agreement and get them to sign.
Been watching too much Judge Rinder!!!

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