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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance going to brothers

64 replies

Needsleepnow87 · 11/02/2018 09:24

My grandma is quite wealthy and she is passing on her house to my DF who is also mortgage free on his own house. However, she is demanding that when my her and my DF dies, both houses are split equally between two of my brothers. I also have 3 sisters and we will only get anything that’s not in property (not much).

My grandma is old fashioned and believes that wealth should be kept with the men, who will carry on the surname.

Does anyone actually still think like this nowadays?

OP posts:

PositivelyPERF · 11/02/2018 09:27

What does your father say about that? At the end of the day she’s not likely to outlive your parents and they can do whatever they like with, what will become, their money. Hopefully your father has the sense to play along in case he gets written out of the will.

Hoppinggreen · 11/02/2018 09:27

It’s ridiculous but her money and her right to do what she wants with it.
What will happen depends on her will and your Dad, if she leaves the money to your Dad outright he can do what he wants with it.
I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know how or even if it’s possible for her to make a will telling your Dad what he has to do with the money in HIS will
What does your Dad think?

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 11/02/2018 09:28

How ironic, given the "name" was not the one your grandma was given at birth! Where did she get the money/house from?

Unless there is a trust in place, if she leaves everything to your DF he can leave it to whoever he wants if there's any of it left when he dies.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 11/02/2018 09:30

It’s her money and her right to leave to whoever she wants. However, if she leaves it to your dad it’s then his. And it’s his right to leave it to whoever he wants. Hopefully he will do the right thing and split it equally
Amongst all of his children instead of just his sons.

GreenSeededGrape · 11/02/2018 09:31

This is happening in MIL famiky and I was outraged on her behalf but she seems ok with it.

My df is only son with 3 sisters and their inheritance was split between 4. I would find it unfair regardless of 'It's her money' train of thought.

Bet it's her dd looking after her in older age and not the ds

ineedaholidaynow · 11/02/2018 09:34

Think she could give your DF a life interest in her house and then state what happens to the property after his death. But if she leaves it to him outright she can't dictate what happens to it.

And she can't dictate what happens to his own house.

honeylulu · 11/02/2018 09:34

The only way that will be enforceable us to leave a life interest in trust to your dad (with the remainder on his death padding to your brothers). This means your dad can't sell the house, only receive any rental income. It's a huge pain to administer and much less common now.

If she leaves it to your dad outright with just an expressed wish that he passes it on to particular people that won't be legally binding.

My childless BIL left his house to his parents when terminally ill and said he didn't want his sister to have it (they had fallen out). However as his parents were wealthy and sister on benefits they later gave it to her anyway.

italiancortado · 11/02/2018 09:36

Does anyone actually still think like this nowadays?

Yes, your grandma.

Mine has an unequal way of leaving her money but it's in favour of the females . I think that's because we have children and our brother doesn't. So that makes sense.

Original poster

Needsleepnow87 · 11/02/2018 09:37

My grandma and grandad (now passed) worked hard their whole lives to have what they have now.

My DF doesn’t agree with it but doesn’t want to just dismiss her wishes. I think he plans to change his will so that her house is split between brothers and his for the sisters (but there’s More of us and his house is worth less).

OP posts:

k2p2k2tog · 11/02/2018 09:38

Can she legally do that? Once it's passed to your father, then the assets are his, to do with as he wants. Unless she's set up some complex trust arrangement.

SuitedandBooted · 11/02/2018 09:39

Um, she is a woman, how did she get the sole right to the house in the first place?

She presumably inherited from her husband, and even her parents. If she felt that strongly she should have given the house to her sons when her husband died!

Ridiculous nonsense - hopefully she will just leave it to your father without restrictions, and he can be a decent human being, and split it between ALL his children.

MaggieFS · 11/02/2018 09:40

Well each to their own, but I would be telling that her plenty of women keep their surnames, and you might have considered it, but if she wants to cut you off then fine, and I hope DBs know they need to do 100% of any future care for her or DF. (I'm fully aware you don't care for loved ones on the basis of expected inheritance, but this would piss me off a treat).

wisterialanes · 11/02/2018 09:40

One of my close friends married into a farming family and everything seems to go to the eldest male. She said that was quite common and accepted.

GU24Mum · 11/02/2018 09:51

As others have said, your GM has absolutely no say whatsoever over your DF's house.

Frankly, if she wants your brothers to have her house, she may as well just leave it to them. If it goes outright to your father he can do what he wants with it though will have to decide how bound he feels by your grandmother's wishes (and how much pressure you brothers may/may not put on him).

Andrewofgg · 11/02/2018 09:57

She can set up a trust to achieve this, but only as to her own house, and if she does, she does. If she doesn't your DF can do as he sees fit, but don't blame him if as regards her house he honours her wishes.

Slartybartfast · 11/02/2018 10:03

THAT SOUnds very oldfashioned.
how old is your granny?

CountFosco · 11/02/2018 10:03

One of my close friends married into a farming family and everything seems to go to the eldest male. She said that was quite common and accepted.

Yes, I'm a farmer's daughter. When he died, my brother who is running the farm got the bulk of the inheritance and DSis and I got token amounts (about the same as the grandchildren). It's very common but I'm not sure about 'accepted', it's just that most reasonable people don't want to tear the family apart fighting over the inheritance. DSis and I had to sign away our rights to our legal share of the inheritance (in Scotland so you're not allowed to disinherit children). We're lucky, my parents are wealthy and so although DBro got the vast bulk of the inheritance DSis and I will still get way more than most people ever get from DMum but it will still be about 1/10 of what DBro has got.

Slartybartfast · 11/02/2018 10:04

and what does your DF think about this arrangement? can he change it?

honeyroar · 11/02/2018 10:04

This happened to my friend. Her father moved in with her for the last eight years of his life. She had a tiny house and four adult children, plus serious arthiritis and a business to run, but she squeezed him in and cared for him perfectly. Her and her dad became really close, they were adorable. Yet when he did, the bulk of his estate went to her two brothers (who hadn't been able to cope with him moving into their big houses with their families) and she got her mother's trinkets. They were a very aristocratic family, and that's "how it's done", but I thought it was awful, and there wasn't an inch of class about the whole process.

ijustwannadance · 11/02/2018 10:04

She can't make your DF only leave his own house to his sons.

She could just leave her house to them instead though.

honeyroar · 11/02/2018 10:04

Died not did!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 11/02/2018 10:05

Her will, her say- but she can't actually force your DF to write his will to her expectation. Unless you're leaving an estate or a farm which one person will inherit and run and you're trying to preserve it, it's a very old fashioned view, although we've had similar in my family. Sexist twat of a Great Uncle.

TattyCat · 11/02/2018 10:14

Your DGM may find all her wealth going to pay her future care, so nothing left to give. Happening more and more often now.

Imverypleasedtomeetyou · 11/02/2018 10:18

Wow. I didn't realise it was still 1900!

This would infuriate me. Obviously I know it's her money to do as she wishes but for only the 'men' in the family to benefit would make me so angry. Seems almost ironic we're celebrating 100 years of women (albeit only married/over 30 etc) being able to vote and your grandma still holds the same values from an era that kept women down at heel to men.

I would speak to your dad and tbh I would ask your dad to consider that if your grandma goes ahead with her wishes would he consider leaving his house to his only his daughters to even things up a little or at the very least equal share to all his children including his daughters!

alotalotalot · 11/02/2018 10:19

Although he's saying he will leave the house to his sons, hopefully over the passage of time he will want to be fair.

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