Inheritance going to brothers

[Needsleepnow87]

My grandma is quite wealthy and she is passing on her house to my DF who is also mortgage free on his own house. However, she is demanding that when my her and my DF dies, both houses are split equally between two of my brothers. I also have 3 sisters and we will only get anything that’s not in property (not much).

My grandma is old fashioned and believes that wealth should be kept with the men, who will carry on the surname.

Does anyone actually still think like this nowadays?

My mil was the youngest of four, and as she was female inherited absolutely nothing. Which is a bit of a shame as her family were landowners who passed down virtually a whole village to her db. The other db got, I dunno, a house or two and a few acres. She and her dsis got nothing.

Happened mostly in estates and farms that survived as profit-making businesses by being kept intact, tho always with a caveat the women were housed and financed for life.

Male inheritance was never just men winning the jackpot - women had to be provided for as part of it.

Nowadays the rich leave it to the oldest child, of whichever sex, as do the upper classes.

OP, at least you know what your grandmother's like. It may be her right to deny family wealth to her, er, family, by law but it's a deeply unpleasant behaviour.

There were good reasons for that - especially in farming families or with large estates. If the estate had to be sold and split it was costly and devaluing, whereas if it went to the eldest son he had a moral duty to care for his sisters until they married. She'd get a dowry and enjoy the "wealth" of her husband. It worked in a fashion. (Obviously not supporting it now)

The world has changed so it makes more sense to sell and split the property but there are costs involved and nothing is guaranteed.

There are winners and losers in all the systems.

X- post

People sometimes control others by letting it be known who stands to inherit or they use that to willingly hurt others while they are still alive.

She can do as she wishes with her money just as your Father can.

It often puts a final seal on what was known all along, people have favourites.

I know one thing your Grandmother is an idiot if she has such strong wishes she should leave the property to your brothers.

Maybe point out to your DGM that even the Royal Family have updated themselves and the next in line can be female!!

You can always do a deed of variation to change the will after someone dies, as long as all the beneficiaries agree. It’s often done to avoid tax if someone inherits a large amount but wants to pass it to their children.

It isn't black and white though - there is always a context.

If I had a business that I had spent thirty years building and knew that if I were to die and leave it to be split between several kids it would have to be sold or dissolved I might not want to do that. If two kids only wanted cash and the third wanted to grow the business I might be tempted to leave it to said third child. Especially if other two were financially well off.

Recent threads about whether money should be split equally between kids or adjusted for childrens' financial circumstances have not been definitive in their answers.

It's so upsetting for people when this is done. I just don't know why, unless there's a reason like the son has been running the farm his whole adult life or whatever, people would do it.

There's a woman I know on DH's family whose father is currently baffled that his only daughter is insulted by his will. It's split into 4 shares. 1 for his son, 1 each for his 2 grandsons then the final share to be split between his daughter and his 4 granddaughters. So she gets a 5th of a quarter. Her son gets a whole share... Just baffling.

I think I'd be saying to my Dad that of course it was up to him, and see that it would be a hard decision to show what mattered more to him - respecting his mother's outdated unfair wishes, or showing that he had equal love and loyalty to ALL his children.

I wouldn't pull my punches on it and I would make it clear that I'd vote with my feet if he was willing to put her clause above his relationship with me and my family.

Not about money at all but about fucking ethics, honesty and respect for your own children!

What do your brothers think about this? Perhaps they will do the right thing and share the inheritance voluntarily with their sisters?

I echo what people have said on here, very old fashioned and outdated way of thinking. It's up to your father to do what he wants.

Equal division is not always the way to go. A client of mine had three children; one of whom was a son with a business and a marriage which were both on the rocks and no children. He changed his will to divide everything he had - which was a lot - between the other two (son and daughter) equally so that when the crash came - which it did - neither his STBXDIL nor his son's creditors could touch what he had saved, and quite right too. I lost touch with him; once his son was discharged and the divorce settled he might have made a three-way will again for all I know.

One of my close friends married into a farming family and everything seems to go to the eldest male. She said that was quite common and accepted.

That seems perfectly rational otherwise you end up with no farm. If originally you had 100 acres or 100 cows, split it by 2 siblings, each has 50%, then they each have 2 children each, its split down so the 4 have 25% , then they all have 2 children each .... it becomes 8 people owning 12.5% .... so who is actually going to live on the farm and get a liveable income? Or does it all get sold off? You cannot keep sub-dividing businesses

If I were your Dad I would ignore this nonsense and split the proceeds equally between all my children in my will. I would also go further than that and share some of it out right now so my children could benefit from it straight away and I could watch them enjoying the benefits.

We did this when our parents died - each child had £20,000 (it was not a huge legacy) and it was used for such things as house deposits which transformed their lives, much to our joy.

Unless she wrote her will to include what happens when her beneficiaries died, her wishes mean naff all.

Your DF could leave it all to his favourite charity and there would be no come back.

It's old-fashioned and unfair, but there is little you can do about it. Put it down to her own upbringing.

Unless your grandma's house is worth a great deal of money, these days, most of what people own in bricks and mortar can end up going on their social care if they eventually go into a home or need assistance in their own homes. The fees for social care are huge. What's left will go to her DF, and it may then have to pay for his social care too.

You may be worrying about something that will end up being not much to worry about after all.

Farms are kind of different though - it's not an inheritance alone, its a business that in most cases wouldn't survive being split. So leaving it to siblings equally is kind of killing the golden goose.

The only way to be fair would be to create a limited company and have all siblings as directors, equal cut of profits.

But that doesn't work either, as in practice it needs one individual to commit to running the farm, as their career. And not just their career, but their home - usually the farmhouse.

It would be very hard to get one sibling to agree to make running the family farm their life's work, their home a part of it, but to just draw a salary from that and use of the house - to never own this business outright while other siblings profit too, but also lead their own lives and careers and pay off their mortgages etc... It usually just can't be done, and one has to inherit.

I don’t know if that’s some kind on clause in her will that he can’t split her house evenly, but I doubt it.

My dad can do what he likes with his, yes. But she has said to him that she wants his house to just go to my brothers.

People mentioning about farms, I guess that’s where her thinking comes from as this is where she and my grandad built their wealth. However, she has moved into the town recently and no farm to speak of. So it wouldn’t be carrying on a family business.

One of my brothers is very extravagant with money too, spends what he can’t afford, failed business. I don’t know why she thinks giving money to him is a good idea at all.

I would be very hurt if your father went along with this (assuming he can change it to shares for all when the time comes). She is leaving a house, not a farm which won't be viable if it's split up.

If my father had actively chosen to do this, I would be making it clear that my level of support and care for him as he aged would be matched by his level of care and support for me, ie limited! It may all be irrelevant, anyway, as care fees may swallow up all your Gran's/Dad' money

I bet it will be the women expected to provide care in old age.

I'd just be 100% upfront with your dad that no, you wouldn't be happy with this. That it would be immensely hurtful for him to go along with such a divisive, unfair plan and that yes, he would put his relationship with you and your family at real risk by doing so. It's really not ok and it would never be ok and no, his hands aren't tied. So up to him.

This is the kind of shit that pulls families apart - hopefully he won't be stupid enough to uphold such a horrible diktat.