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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance going to brothers

64 replies

Needsleepnow87 · 11/02/2018 09:24

My grandma is quite wealthy and she is passing on her house to my DF who is also mortgage free on his own house. However, she is demanding that when my her and my DF dies, both houses are split equally between two of my brothers. I also have 3 sisters and we will only get anything that’s not in property (not much).

My grandma is old fashioned and believes that wealth should be kept with the men, who will carry on the surname.

Does anyone actually still think like this nowadays?

OP posts:

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 14:54

OP where did your grandma get the money for the house from? I mean did she earn the money herself? Or was it inherited either from her parents or from her parents in law or from your grandmother?

If I was your DF personally I'd be sitting down having a firm word with her saying that I value all my children equally and that on my death all my assets will be split equally between all my children, including any assets she (or anyone else) had left me. That if she wasn't happy with that then she was more than welcome to leave her assets to someone else.

If I was your DBs I would also be making it clear to her that if she left us the house we would split it between all our siblings and that if she wasn't happy with this to find someone else to leave it to.

And - unless your grandmother had made her own money independently - if I was your DF/DBs I'd pointing out the irony to her that she had been left the house by a man but was saying it was wrong to leave it to another woman. Clearly whoever left it to her did not feel the same!

She may say it's tradition but if you all stand firm she will be left with a choice of traditions - either leave it to family and accept it will be split equally regardless of sex, or abandon the tradition of leaving it to family and leave it to the cats' home (or wherever).

astoundedgoat · 11/02/2018 15:26

It's going to backfire on her a little, when these darling sainted men end up handing huge chunks of it over to HMRC in inheritance tax.

Unless there is a LOT of money, dividing it between all rightful heirs, rather than just the cock-bearing ones, completely does away with or at least drastically reduces the amount due in tax.

Does she honestly prefer to give it to the tax man (oh yes - a man! or HMRC? a woman, albeit unrelated) than to mere girls?

flumpybear · 11/02/2018 15:32

How about if you don't change your surname when you get married, or double barrel? If that's not acceptable then she's discriminating against women, which clearly hasn't happen d to her if she's been left the estate by her husband - surely he'd have given it to the boys in his family if that was the case

crispinquent · 11/02/2018 15:45

Placemarking. My father old fashioned in this way too.

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 16:01

How about if you don't change your surname when you get married, or double barrel?

What on earth has that got to do with anything? And who says the OP is getting married?

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 16:04

It's going to backfire on her a little, when these darling sainted men end up handing huge chunks of it over to HMRC in inheritance tax

Unless there is a LOT of money, dividing it between all rightful heirs, rather than just the cock-bearing ones, completely does away with or at least drastically reduces the amount due in tax

Does she honestly prefer to give it to the tax man (oh yes - a man! or HMRC? a woman, albeit unrelated) than to mere girls?

I thought inheritance tax was paid dependent on the amount of the estate not the amount of each person who inherits? Did I get that wrong?

Andrewofgg · 11/02/2018 16:24

DeathStare is right and astoundedgoat is wrong - the only rellie who gets a free ride from HMRC on inheritance is a spouse or civil partner.

flumpybear It's no use invoking the d-word. There is no duty not to discriminate on the grounds of gender, race, sexual orientation, religious, trans status, disability, or any protected characteristic when making a will. Marie Stopes disinherited one of her sons for marrying a woman who wore specs because he was weakening the species. And she could do the same today.

(And many of HMRC's staff are tax women!)

lalalalyra · 11/02/2018 16:52

Unless there is a LOT of money, dividing it between all rightful heirs, rather than just the cock-bearing ones, completely does away with or at least drastically reduces the amount due in tax.

Inheritance tax is payable based on the value of the estate. It makes no difference at all how many people it's being split between.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 11/02/2018 16:57

How awful. Does she not see that it might create a riff between you and your brothers?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 11/02/2018 16:57

Rift!

ARealWoman · 11/02/2018 17:01

This happened to my mum. Her parents' money was left to the two boys, and the four girls got nothing. Because of this, mum has said that she isn't going to leave me anything, because she never got anything, so why should I?

I can't say I can understand it myself, but what can you do?

Andrewofgg · 11/02/2018 17:06

A riff sounds like a better idea!

FizzyGreenWater · 11/02/2018 17:08

I can't say I can understand it myself, but what can you do? - Laugh and warn her that as long as she doesn't bother calling you when she needs care/help with shopping/a good old moan, but remembers to call your more worthy brothers instead, then that's fine. Oh and don't get angry about you not visiting so much, either...

ARealWoman · 11/02/2018 17:11

@FizzyGreenWater I'm an only child! So I can't palm all that off on anyone else. She is donating everything to animal charities...

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