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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider having a baby alone

121 replies

callyclover · 09/02/2018 16:58

I got pregnant very young. I worked really hard and managed to buy our home and have a nice life in a limited sort of way. I have a warm relationship with first child but she has grown up.

In many ways I feel I have really missed parenting. Many of my friends have small children. I feel doing it again would be positive.

Id have to use a sperm donor as I do not have a partner - is this a ridiculous idea?

OP posts:
SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 09/02/2018 17:00

Do you have support from family?

GloGirl · 09/02/2018 17:00

Is there any other way you can imagine having an unlimited life without being a mother? Travel, friendship, community, learning or something else? Religion, hobby etc.

Feels like you know there's a gap but when child 2 grows up there will still be a gap.

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 17:02

No support from family but none first time round either so I'm not bothered about that.

Those things don't interest me political or only passingly.

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 09/02/2018 17:05

Can you support you and your DC financially?

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 17:06

Well, yes, I wouldn't think of it otherwise. I did originally hope to meet someone but I am approaching 40 and I can't see it now.

OP posts:
Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 09/02/2018 17:08

Do it! I did ivf as a

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 09/02/2018 17:09

Sorry posted too soon! I had my daughter through ivf as a single woman no regrets life is good!

Caroelle · 09/02/2018 17:10

You feel that doing it again would be positive. Who for? Who else would your child have around him/her if you have no family support? What would your daughter think about this? Have you forgotten how hard it is to be a single parent, how much older are you now? Lots of things to consider. I dallied for quite a long time with the idea of having a third child, but at the end of the day going through it all again, at an older age, was quite daunting.

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 17:12

Thanks.

The baby would be for me. Like every other person who has a baby. To be a parent.

OP posts:
FluffyWuffy100 · 09/02/2018 17:13

Sounds like a bad idea. This is your hormones screaming at you. Being a single mum a 40 will be a million times harder than an energetic 18 year old!

Can you be an lovely involved adult to some of your friends children?

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 17:15

Er no Hmm Smile that isn't what I want.

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 09/02/2018 17:15

I think if it's what you want, and you are in a position to support yourself and a child comfortably then go for it. It's very unlikely you will look back and regret doing it wheras you may regret not doing it once you are too old.

mustbemad17 · 09/02/2018 17:15

A friend of mine used a sperm donor to have her second son in her late 30s. She brought her first son up alone. She says it's the best decision she made, she didn't want to wait for mr right because she might miss her chance to have another child.

So many children don't have dad (or mum) around & grow up perfectly fine in a single parent household. Likewise many grow up without extended family support. If you can support your family & are confident its what you want, go for it!!

Crocusqueen · 09/02/2018 17:17

Sounds fine to me, you know what it's like, you've done it before... Can't see why not

Namesarehard · 09/02/2018 17:23

It's a tough one. Plenty of couples have a baby then split up so end up being a single parent. You'd just have to remember you're choosing to bring a child into the world who will never have a biological father from day one. Again plenty of people do this so it's something you need to be ok with.
What would worry me if I'm honest Is there being no family around.
How old are you? To be blunt I'd be most concerned about the child being left alone as a young adult with no one around him/her. I'm not killing you off by the way just something i'd think about. Being the only parent, no close family or siblings would be a lonely time if the worst should happen.
Having said that I know if one woman who has done it and she says it's the best decision she's made. I'd just weigh it all uo first before making your mind up either way.

Marriageoftrueminds · 09/02/2018 17:25

Go for it - I really can’t see why this would be a bad idea, it sounds like you are perfectly well equipped and prepared to bring up a child. Child will have you and also older sister - could be lovely. Good luck!

Bluelady · 09/02/2018 17:29

For God's sake don't worry about dying and leaving your child alone. My parents were nearly 40 when they had me and I was lucky enough to have 61 years with them!

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2018 17:30

If you can afford it, why not? You already know what bringing a child up alone entails so it's not like you're going into this blind.

I would probably speak to DD about it though. Not to ask permission, but just so it's not sprung on her in a "SURPRISE" way.

One thing I might think about would be how close I was to becoming a grandmother and if I'd be 'satisfied' with that role as opposed to having another child. Not sure how old DD is but you indicated you were 'very young'. If you're now 40, that might make her around 24.

bathandpjs · 09/02/2018 17:32

It sounds as though you have made your mind up.

To answer your question - for me it would be a ridiculous idea because I would never be able to cope. But you know yourself and your situation so it may not be ridiculous to you.

Would you regret it if you didn't do it?

MistressPage · 09/02/2018 17:33

Do it! If you have the means of supporting a child and you want one then go for it. You've done it before so you know what you're letting yourself in for. No love like it! Good luck I hope it works out for you Flowers

NoqontroI · 09/02/2018 17:34

I think it's fine. You can afford it. You know what to expect. Go for it.

demirose87 · 09/02/2018 17:35

Yes I think you should, but go into it open minded as now that you are older it may not go as planned.

TryAgainAndAgain · 09/02/2018 17:38

If you can afford it then I can't see any reason why not. It's about a million times better than having a baby with an unsuitable partner.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 09/02/2018 17:52

I'm raising a child on my own with no input (financial or otherwise) from her father, to all intents and purposes he was a sperm donor.

It's been hard work tbh and I get a lot of support from my mum, my concerns would be what if the baby/child has additional needs? And what if something happened to you?

My dd has also been very upset at times about not having a dad, she def feels she has missed something in not having a dad in her life.

I'm nearly 40 now and there is no way I would do it all again, I like my sleep too much and as my dd gets older I am looking forward to starting to explore my own interests again.

JustVent · 09/02/2018 17:58

Go for kt