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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider having a baby alone

121 replies

callyclover · 09/02/2018 16:58

I got pregnant very young. I worked really hard and managed to buy our home and have a nice life in a limited sort of way. I have a warm relationship with first child but she has grown up.

In many ways I feel I have really missed parenting. Many of my friends have small children. I feel doing it again would be positive.

Id have to use a sperm donor as I do not have a partner - is this a ridiculous idea?

OP posts:
JustVent · 09/02/2018 17:58

It

MrsBobDylan · 09/02/2018 18:18

Some people love their kids but are relieved when the hard work is done and they can get on with their own lives. However, there are people who love the responsibility and the hectic mayhem that is parenting. If you fall into the latter category, then go for it!

QuiteLikely5 · 09/02/2018 18:20

Consider fostering? Many many little infants require loving homes

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 18:37

I have to work full time so would not be approved to foster.

Thank you for responses.

OP posts:
foxmuldersufo · 09/02/2018 18:39

I would fully support you in that if you chose to do so.

Haffdonga · 09/02/2018 18:41

I think if I was you I would but I'm not you so I cant say why not?

Badbadtromance · 09/02/2018 19:00

Go for it. I did and no regrets. Love my life

jacobsgirl · 09/02/2018 19:01

Do what you think will make you happiest ! I think it's a great idea

Wishing you all the luck in the world Biscuit

Blankiefan · 09/02/2018 19:14

It's bloody exhausting becoming a parent in your late 30s. I wouldn't consider it without either a partner or a lot of family support. It's relentless.

Haffdonga · 09/02/2018 19:33

IME older mothers don't find having a baby any more or less tiring than young mothers. Babies are tiring. Full stop. What can be harder is having a baby while also having other dependant children (which obviously happens more often to older mums). As you've already had a baby on your own you know what you would be letting yourself in for, but as your dd is independent you'd be just as capable as last time, perhaps more because this time round you'd have the luxury of saving up and paid maternity leave.

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 19:55

It would certainly be easier this time for all sorts of reasons. It is more the ethics of sperm donation to conceieve etc I worry about

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2018 22:03

I don't see there's any question of ethics in sperm donation done through a reputable clinic.

Dubious ethics would be buying sperm over the internet as you don't really know what you're getting and completely unethical would be 'stealing' a man's sperm by lying about contraception.

NapYearStudent · 09/02/2018 22:07

How would your older child feel? Does your older child have any other family or are you all the support she has?

Thehogfather · 09/02/2018 22:34

I'm younger than you and dd is still early teens, but I've pondered a few times about whether when I'm older and dd independent I'd want another. But whether I want to is my only line of thought, being a lone parent a second time doesn't even enter the equation. So it shouldn't for you.

Personally I think I'll want to enjoy my freedom, and enhance my career. I think if I ever have more dc I would go down the route of adopting older dc. But I don't see why as a lone parent alternatives are being suggested when few would if you had a partner.

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 22:38

Why shouldn't it for me?

OP posts:
G120810 · 09/02/2018 22:40

What had family around got to do with it the family aren't always helpful and she's 40 if she can afford and she is a gd mum then go for it I know alot of 40 year old mothers it's a brilliant idea

Haffdonga · 09/02/2018 22:42

OP can you be a bit clearer about your concerns? Do you feel there are specific ethical issues about sperm donation or generally about choosing to be a single parent?

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 22:43

Not really. I suppose I just worry the child might feel cheated in some way through not having a father.

OP posts:
Thehogfather · 09/02/2018 22:45

What I mean op is that whether you want to have another baby and all it entails should be all you base your decision on.

If you've raised your dd alone then you already know the reality of lone parenting, and you say that financially etc you're ok. So how others may or may not view you for choosing to do it alone shouldn't come into it.

BarbarianMum · 09/02/2018 22:47

Health quite often deteriorates between 40 and 60, or at least there can be problems. For that reason the lack of support would concern me.

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 22:47

Well, that isn't really the concern hog - it is more about how the child could potentially feel. Thank you, though Smile

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 09/02/2018 22:48

Well, the child might feel cheated. Or not be bothered at all. So much will depend on their individual personality.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 09/02/2018 22:51

Well,.you won't know that until he or she has grown up. Maybe she will and maybe she won't. Even different siblings raised in exactly the same environment can view their experiences differently.
You will cross that bridge when it happens, and just do your best in the meantime. Good luck x

Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 22:51

Yes. I know. Hence why I am posting here not just doing what my heart wants to do Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
callyclover · 09/02/2018 22:51

Thank you.

OP posts: