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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH & I can't agree on this..

68 replies

BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:23

DH & I can't agree on this. Will try not to drip feed.
We are moving house & DC are moving schools very soon. Youngest DC wants to attend his last disco at school this Friday evening & oldest DC wants to go to a hockey game in town that we already have tickets for.. DH works nights & starts at 7pm, before both events start. I finish work at 6pm disco is at 6.15 and hockey games 7pm.
So I've arranged with DHs parents to take youngest to school disco & I'll drop DH to work then head to game with oldest... & collect dc2 on way home, sounds fair right?

He has now started an argument over this arrangement saying his parents won't realise they'll have to stay for the hr disco with DC2 (he's 5!!) & they won't want to do that anymore as I just mgs to say could they take him.. (I figured it would be obv as hes only 5!)
DH is saying I should let his dad take dc1 to game and take dc2 to disco and walk home afterwards in the dark, after working all day and DC2 been at school so no doubt knackered after disco... Hmm all because they mightnt want to sit for an hr in a school hall?! I've said if they don't want to then both DC will miss out as it's not fair for 1 to get and not the other.

OP posts:
Bringmewineandcake · 31/01/2018 23:27

It’s not fair for them both to miss out, but I would just send another message to pil to let them know the disco is an hour long and they’ll need to stay...do they need to stay though? If it’s at school then I’d expect parents to be able to leave just like a normal school day.

MajesticWhine · 31/01/2018 23:28

I would speak to DH parents (on the phone, not a message) and make sure they understand the situation. See if they are happy. Your DH is not really involved in any of it so he doesn’t get to choose.

Loz604 · 31/01/2018 23:28

Tricky. Is there a friend or anyone else that could take DC to disco? Maybe one already going?

Original poster
BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:30

They would yes as nursery and p1s parents have to stay....

They won't want to though and unfortunately I can't be in 2 places at once!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2018 23:30

As long as GP know the entire plan where's the problem??

Can they take him home afterwards and put him to bed rather than you collect him late (guessing it will be nineish)?

Your DH IBU imho.

Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2018 23:33

Your PIL won't want to stay? So did you purposely leave that bit out when you asked knowing they wouldn't want to? Or has it all just got jumbled? You need to be upfront about the arrangements or you'll all end up resentful.

Original poster
BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:34

Well I figured they do know as have taken dc1 in the past to discos at the school & had to stay.
DH thinks I'm being selfish by not taking dc2 to disco and letting his dad go to game instead as he'll be more up for that ...Hmm

OP posts:
Loz604 · 31/01/2018 23:36

Taxi home an option?

Original poster
BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:38

FIL is fine and won't mind it's more MIL who'll be funny about staying.. I didn't purposely leave anything out either I asked could they take him and told them I'd collect him after game.. he is 5 yrs old, they live to far to be going home then bk again for an hrs disco anyway so thot no more of it until dh rang tonight on break and I said to him about buying the disco ticket tmro...& he went off on 1..

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 31/01/2018 23:38

Ah so a bit if sexism comes into play!

You asked if they wanted to take him to the disco and they said yes.

They could've said no

I don't see why your DH gets to decide what his parents may or may not want to do - the choice was disco or no disco - not disco or match!!

Tell DH you've sorted it and he's to butt out

Floralnomad · 31/01/2018 23:38

I tend to agree with your husband , in your scenario both children miss out on their events , in his scenario they both get to go and it just means you have to walk home . Sounds like you are making a point about the PIL not wanting to go to the disco . Why can’t the FIL drop the husband at work in his way to the hockey so you still get the car .

Taylor22 · 31/01/2018 23:38

Instead of being a dick and causing more problems why doesn't your DH call HIS mum and dad and Just ask that they stay for one measly hour as it means so much to his son.

What did his last secretary die of?

llangennith · 31/01/2018 23:38

As DH is working nights and therefore conveniently unable to help in any practical way he should mind his own business and let all the wiling and able people do the best they can to help his DC.

Merryoldgoat · 31/01/2018 23:40

I tend to err on your side OP if PIL are willing. Nothing at all wrong with your plan.

Original poster
BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:42

Loz604 don't know the other mums well as I work 9-6 Mon - Fri so wouldn't be at the school much and DC go to day care after school and dh collects them so unfortunately not..
Don't really like getting a taxi on my own (adult wise)

OP posts:
GrockleBocs · 31/01/2018 23:43

Can't you take ds2 to the disco and FIL take ds1 to his match?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2018 23:44

I think yabu.
Especially after the drip feed that the pil won't want to go to the disco.
No, it's not obvious you need to stay with a 5 yr old; they go to school after all.

GrockleBocs · 31/01/2018 23:45

Sorry, you've ruled that out because you don't like taxis or walking home in the dark.

NoSquirrels · 31/01/2018 23:48

I don’t understand.

You need a favour from PIL to get both DC to their activities.

As you need a favour, you outline the whole situation to PIL, then they choose which they’d rather help with.

You do whatever they don’t fancy.

What’s the issue?

Original poster
BananaPancakes4 · 31/01/2018 23:48

I have already made the plans with in-laws though and wouldn't mind going to game (just once)with dc1 as we rarely get to spend any time together just us 2..
Most Fridays FIL takes dc1 to the game...

Is it really much of a ask? Esp if they've agreed Already.. to just sit for 1 hr? ..

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 31/01/2018 23:49

If you take DS to the disco then we assume that DH will need the car for work as you won't have time to drive him - which means you have to walk home with a tired DS

By dropping DH to work and going to the game - you then have the car and can collect both kids in the way home.

GP get time with DS2 and you get time with DS1.

I think you need to tell him to mind his own business

ThisLittleKitty · 31/01/2018 23:50

I also don't get why you have to stay. My son did after school football club and he is 5 none of the parents had to stay. Can't see the difference? Also how far is the school from you that you can't walk in the dark? It gets dark early at 4.30/5 do you not go out after that time at all?

BackforGood · 31/01/2018 23:50

YABU to give the impression to your PiL they are being asked to take him only, when you know they have to stay, and you say they won't want to stay, of course you are.
If you are asking someone a favour to help out, then, before they commit, you need to be open about what you are asking them to do.

NoSquirrels · 31/01/2018 23:51

Most Fridays FIL takes dc1 to the game...

Crux of your issue is here!

So why can’t usual arrangements hold? FIL takes to game, you take other DC to disco?

Knittedfairies · 31/01/2018 23:52

FIL takes DC2 to disco. You finish work and take DH to work early, with DC1 in the car. You drop DH off at work and go back to the disco, where you take over chaperone duties for DC2. FIL then takes DC1 to the hockey game.