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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Missing the birth

74 replies

Jellyjam13 · 12/01/2018 18:24

Aibu to be upset that my inlaws are planning to book a last minute holiday which will mean they miss the birth of the new grandchild and are not bothered about it whatso ever they can go away at any time but choose to do this and say dont care about missing it they can see the baby when they are back!

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 12/01/2018 18:26

Lots of women on here would be grateful for this... they don't exactly have a role to play at the birth!

RedHelenB · 12/01/2018 18:26

Readad the other thread on here about the birth of grandkids and then do a swap!

PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2018 18:27

In laws can’t do right for doing wrong sometimes.

I don’t think they’re unreasonable. What will they really miss in the first few days? Lots of people don’t want loads of visitors early on anyway.

kitkatsky · 12/01/2018 18:28

This would thrill me. I didn’t want in laws anywhere near me following birth of DD

MonumentalAlabaster · 12/01/2018 18:28

You weren't planning to have them in the room cutting the cord were you?! Can't they see the baby when they get back?

Crumbs1 · 12/01/2018 18:28

What would your in laws be doing? You can phone them wherever they are in the world. I think my first was about 4 months before the met her the others were up to 6 months. Not sure why you’re bothered, to be honest.

LemonShark · 12/01/2018 18:28

YABU. They probably think you could do with some space as a new family and don't want to impose. Or baby might not come then anyway. Or they can't afford a different date. Or they don't have any other free time. Or they're not as excited about it as you, they don't have to care.

Alisvolatpropiis · 12/01/2018 18:30

Yabu

If I ever have another child I will be strongly encouraging my own parents to go abroad over the birth, never mind my partners! The desire to have some peace and quiet with my new baby and the astonishing bloody lack of it first time round has left its mark.

cricketqueen · 12/01/2018 18:30

My parents booked their holiday for a week before my due date. I don't mind it's their life, although I need to work out who will watch my dd if they are out of the country. But that's my problem not theirs and tbh they won't miss much in terms of the baby. A baby is still a new baby at 2 weeks old.

marshminkmellow · 12/01/2018 18:31

On my first child's birth, my in laws were literally banging on the door to see the baby. I had a nasty tear which needed sewing up, blood everywhere, was awful... So stressful. You're exhausted and just want to cuddle your miracle baby.... It might be their way to help you, maybe they think if they are in another country, they can't be banging down the door haha!
Get home and get yourself ready before you have visitors. You'll appriciate it more x

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 12/01/2018 18:31

YANBU to be upset. It doesn’t make the baby feel like much of a priority, does it? Try not to let it fester though. As others have said it might be good to have them away.

JediStoleMyBike · 12/01/2018 18:32

YABU. They can do what they like and yes, can see the baby when they get back. You have no idea how you'll feel either, you may not be up to visitors if you (hope you don't) have a difficult labour. Pick your battles - or better yet, don't and try and understand that it's your baby, not theirs. They are grandparents and don't need to be there to give you attention after the birth.

NerrSnerr · 12/01/2018 18:32

How long are they going away for? If 2 weeks or less they might still be there if the baby is early or late. Do you practically need them to help with anything?

PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2018 18:33

YANBU to be upset. It doesn’t make the baby feel like much of a priority, does it?

Why does the baby need to be a priority? I genuinely don’t understand. I am too young for grandkids but I love my nieces and nephews and have a great relationship with them. I didn’t meet any of them on the day they were born.

Snowysky20009 · 12/01/2018 18:34

Have you read the threads where people don't want their in laws to come over?

To be honest I think in-laws can't win. Damned if they do and damned if they don't! I love my in-laws.....

notsohippychick · 12/01/2018 18:34

Xmas has got it spot on. I understand what you are saying, you feel like a bit of an ‘afterthought’. But just concentrate on your baby and focus on that x x

BigBaboonBum · 12/01/2018 18:34

My mum cancelled her holiday when she found out I was pregnant and I was due around then, I’d care if it was her going away. But OHs parents not so much, I mean maybe he would care but I’d rather be left alone by everyone else

Lj8893 · 12/01/2018 18:34

How do you know they will miss the birth? You could give birth anytime between 37 and 42 weeks at term. Are they away for that whole period?

Megs4x3 · 12/01/2018 18:35

Oh my. GP's cant get it right, can they? This is hot on the heels of another thread because someone feeling overwhelmed because she is likely to be inundated with visitors and doesn't think she can cope. Enjoy the peace, OP, get settled with your little one and when your parents visit after their holiday you'll have more to talk about than sleepless nights and whether your baby has his father's nose or not. :-)

AgathaMystery · 12/01/2018 18:35

Are they going to be your birth partners?

Skowvegas · 12/01/2018 18:35

Ah yes, everyone else's life must stop when one of their relatives is having a baby...

Mulberry72 · 12/01/2018 18:35

My IL’s did the same thing, they went to their holiday home for 2 months the week before DS was due.

Didn’t bother me one bit.

wewentoutonsunday · 12/01/2018 18:36

My MIL was put out that SIL planned to be away when my PFB was born.

I told her I really didn't understand why - there wasn't anything for her to do, and they will hopefully have a long time to develop a relationship; day 1 wasn't really the time!

YABU

Callamia · 12/01/2018 18:38

My mum went away when I was already overdue, and was on holiday when I gave birth.

I was furious with her. Actually, it didn’t matter because I realised that I was the adult now, and that there wasn’t really anything viral she would have done if she’d been in the country.

MidnightAura · 12/01/2018 18:40

Yabu.