To hate the phrase - I am doing my best?

[crunchymint]

Now there is background here of SS involved with a family member. But simply saying you are doing your best for your children is not a get out clause. Sometimes your best is not good enough.

What has that got to do with the phrase?

Ok.

Well hold the front page

Nothing wrong with the phrase 'I am doing my best'. All depends on context. 'Doing your best' when baking a cake but failing, no biggie. 'Doing your best' when failing your kids, not so great.

Because people say that phrase as if it makes what they are doing okay. It doesn't.

Because people say that phrase as if it makes what they are doing okay. It doesn't

perhaps sometimes. Other times they say it because they are doing their best, and its no use asking them to do more. Other times they are saying it because they mean fuck off I'm doing plenty stop asking for more.

Your problem isn't the phrase, its the situation.

Interesting one.. We tell our kids to do their best but pull them up if they get bad grades and haven't tried at all. Adults - we accept it regardless of the truth in it.
Never thought about that before.

Maybe it is their best, even though to other people it isn't good enough. Some people are limited and aren't great parents even though they try.

Worse than "I'm doing my best" is "It's the least I can do"

Yes, I've done the bare minimum the absolute least I could get away with , 'cos that's all you deserve, so pick the bones of of that !

My parents thought they were doing their best. With hindsight they clearly weren't but they lacked the insight to realise that. Sometimes you need to outsider to point out that what you think is doing your best , actually isn't.

70isaLimitNotaTarget I think when people say "it's the least I can do" it is just an alternative way of saying, "Oh it was nothing" when they are slightly embarrassed at being thanked profusely for a very small trifle.

Yes, I've done the bare minimum the absolute least I could get away with , 'cos that's all you deserve, so pick the bones of of that

You've misunderstood the phrase entirely

Why not write about the actual issues with SS rather than moan about the phrase? It just trivialises what seems like it could be a serious issue.

In fact I may have said it myself yesterday when my neighbour thanked me for the umpteenth time for a trivial thing I did for her when she was recently bereaved.

Different scenario entirely but I agree with you.

DS1 has been saying it quite a lot recently "I tried my best" because that's something they've been using at school a lot, but I know he hasn't, because his best would actually be a whole lot better than what mediocre job he's just done of something.

E.g. - Can you please find your school sweatshirt, DS1.
No, can't see it anywhere.
Look, here it is under this small book that you didn't lift up.
Sorry, I tried my best.
No, you really didn't, did you.

So I agree - saying "I tried/am doing my best" is not a get-out catch all that can be used to offset really not trying very hard at all, actually.

It depends on the context. Saying that you are doing your best when you’re really not is a bit lame, especially if you are failing your kids.

I was honest that this is about specific situations. So no sitting watching ignoring your young kids while they try and kill themselves - as very young kids are apt to do, is not good enough. I know you are very tired, but saying you are doing your best is not a get out card.

I don't think "I'm doing my best " and "Your best isn't good enough " are mutually exclusive.

I have come to regard the phrase "I am doing my best" as being the response you get when you dare to point out to someone that they are making a complete mess of things and need to pull their socks up a bit/think/try harder.

Eg - DS struggling up the stairs carrying laptop, glass of coke and plate of dinner, all of which would be disastrous if dropped and let me tell you folks it ain't looking good.

Me: For God's sake, DS, you can't carry all that! Be sensible and do it in two trips!

Him: I'm doing my best!

grrrr

Yes but your title was I hate the phase.
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Because people say that phrase as if it makes what they are doing okay. It doesn't.

I am doing my best, I'm autistic with massive anxiety, it's the best I can do to get up washed, eat, and get on three buses, while being squished up to a load of people, to get to work three days a week, even then I'm exhausted. Sorry my best isn't good enough for you!

If the title was Aibu that I'm doing my best isn't good enough in this situation then we might all answer very differently.

YABU In to hate the phase on its own. Prehaps
YANU in thinking it's not good enough in the Spefic situation

Yes balloonslayer That is exactly how I see it being used.

Op, in that context I agree with you. My parents were crap. If I ever talk to my dm something that harmed me during childhood (there were many harmful occurances) she will defensively snarl, 'well I was doing my best!' in such a way that just shuts the conversation down.

I love her dearly but she was a shit mum. Fortunately she's a good grandmother.