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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No not let him keep the money

78 replies

LittleMe03 · 14/12/2017 17:58

I have a 12 year old SS and for many years now we have had this little tradition.

I put loose change in a tub for him and we save it until Xmas, then Father's Day and then his dad's birthday.

3 times a year, a week or so before these occasions we count the money, get it changed at the bank and go shopping together so he can buy his dad a gift from money he has saved, he has always enjoyed doing this.

However we counted the money at the weekend and got it changed and went shopping... he had £32.80 (it's usually somewhere between £25-35) he found a gift for his dad for Christmas which cost £15 so I then asked him what we were doing with the rest of the money, finding another gift or putting it back in the pot. He replied, I think I will just keep it. I told him no and it was one of those two options. He wasn't happy so refused to get another gift so it's gone back in the pot.

We have a brilliant relationship but this has caused a problem between us and ever since he has been really grumpy and stubborn towards me.

AIBU?

I'm not sure if to mention it to my DP or not either Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMe03 · 14/12/2017 17:58

*to not let him keep the money

OP posts:
countycouncil · 14/12/2017 18:01

Probably just the start of teenage-hood.

I'd go back to him and negotiate. Maybe he can keep a £5? Sticking to your guns is generally a good idea but there'll be much bigger battles ahead. Sometimes letting them win one is ok.

PurpleMinionMummy · 14/12/2017 18:01

Yabu. It's his money that he saved. I wouldn't even expect him to pay tor presents out of his own money tbh I would cover it. Did you stump up for another gift?

twiney · 14/12/2017 18:02

I would have let him keep it

FuzzyCustard · 14/12/2017 18:02

YANBU. You both knew the rules, which are about getting your DP a gift. The money is not here for him to use as general pocket money. Otherwise next time he'll spend a quid and keep the rest.

Well done for standing your ground.

chickenowner · 14/12/2017 18:03

Purple

It's not his money that he has saved, it's loose change that the OP lets him spend!

outofmydepth45 · 14/12/2017 18:03

Hold you ground, kids need boundaries you were clear he will come around

WineAndTiramisu · 14/12/2017 18:03

PurpleMinionMummy she clearly says she puts lost change in a tub for him to buy his dad presents, so technically it's her money, but depends on whether it's been given to him or is just to use for presents?

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/12/2017 18:04

It’s not his money guys, read the OP properly..

OP YANBU at all.

FuzzyCustard · 14/12/2017 18:04

purple I understood that it was the Op's money in the first place, she said she put loose change in the pot.

twiney · 14/12/2017 18:05

I mean whatever really, about what she said or what the rules are, or what the amounts are, blah blah blah.

He's a kid, it's £15, life's too short.

Its not like we're talking about some kind of spoilt brat move here. Have a bit of heart.

Rachie1973 · 14/12/2017 18:05

PurpleMinionMummy
Yabu. It's his money that he saved. I wouldn't even expect him to pay tor presents out of his own money tbh I would cover it. Did you stump up for another gift?

I got the impression from OP that it was HER change she saved for him

Great idea btw OP! No, I agree with you. Money back in pot, minus a hot chocolate or something after shopping.

ichbineinstasumer · 14/12/2017 18:05

I might let him keep a small amount, but the point is that it is money saved (by OP I think, not SS) for Dad's presents. I wouldn't get him used to the idea that he can buy his Dad ever smaller gifts so as to have more money for himself, that isn't the kind of selfishness you were wanting to encourage.

Needmorehands · 14/12/2017 18:05

I think you did the right thing. Next time he would have found a cheaper gift and kept more for himself, did you discuss what else his dad might have liked with the extra money?

Leeds2 · 14/12/2017 18:05

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, OP.

Pseudousername · 14/12/2017 18:05

No Purple, OP clearly stated that she saves the money on SS behalf for gifts for his dad throughout the year.

It's not his money.

Just put it back in the pot OP. At some point he'll realise he's in the wrong but for now don't sweat it. Teenagers innit!

zaalitje · 14/12/2017 18:06

purple it is the OPs money, her saving her lose change not her DSS. She's not expecting him to pay.

stickytoffeevodka · 14/12/2017 18:06

It's his money, surely he can spend it on whatever he wants?

Bambamber · 14/12/2017 18:07

Is he aware that it's not money that you put aside for him and that it's purely money to buy gifts with? If it was perhaps a genuine miscommunication, I may let him keep it this inc, but make it very clear for the future that it's not his money

Redglitter · 14/12/2017 18:08

It's his money, surely he can spend it on whatever he wants

It's NOT his money

Dozer · 14/12/2017 18:08

It’s not his money, it’s money for gifts for his father.

YANBU. Selfish of DSS and a good opportunity for him to learn about being a considerate family member!

MipMipMip · 14/12/2017 18:08

Can you confirm if it is his money going in or yours? To me it reads that it's yours and allocated only for presents. If it's his it should be his choice, if yours then presents only.

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/12/2017 18:11

No it’s money you’ve saved for presents not his money to spend. Ask him if he would like you to spend half his Christmas budget on yourself after buying I’m one gift for him?

Knittedfairies · 14/12/2017 18:11

Time for him to save up to buy presents himself?

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 14/12/2017 18:12

Ok just to be clear. He gets plenty of pocket money and also on our shopping trips he gets treats from me too.

This money thou I save for him and have done since he was 5. Reason being is on his dad's birthday one year he got really upset that he didn't have money to buy his dads gift and it was my money, so I made this suggestion that he loved and has always enjoyed (and I love the 1:1 time with him)

I questioned why he wanted to keep the money, I suggested maybe he had a few friends he might like to get presents for. He said no, it was for a PlayStation game (which by the way me and DP have got him for Xmas)

I don't want him to think each time that he can spend half the money and just keep the rest. It's not what I want to encourage.

OP posts:
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