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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you're not close to your DN..

83 replies

SipTheCocaCola · 13/12/2017 16:32

Why?

My DB has a little girl (my DN obv) who I have an amazingly close bond with. I absolutely adore her and couldn't imagine not being close to any future DNie or nephews in he future. Most people I know in my city have the same kind of relationships with DN's, they're treated almost as like our own.

But on here, people don't seem to have the same closeness to their siblings children. Obviously this isn't everyone! And I understand if you don't live close to your siblings children but if you don't have a close relationship can I ask why?

OP posts:
YouWereRight · 13/12/2017 16:35

I'm not close to any of my aunt's or uncles because we live at the opposite sides of the country, and as a child would see them twice a year at most.

Trinity66 · 13/12/2017 16:38

I'm close to my niece and nephews but my 2 brothers wouldn't be as close just because they live further away and don't get to see them as much, where as I work with my brother (their dad) and baby sit alot for him so see them more often

EnglishRose13 · 13/12/2017 16:38

I’m not close to my auntie at all but my niece and I have the kind of bond I’ve always thought an auntie/niece should have. We are best friends.

elliejjtiny · 13/12/2017 16:41

I don't drive and we live far away from each other.

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 13/12/2017 16:44

I adore my brothers kid, I love her like my own! Alas we live 6 hours away so it’s difficult to have a close relationship which is sad.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 13/12/2017 16:44

My sibling has no DC. DH's sibling does, but DH doesn't get on with his brother's wife, and as his brother lives in another town, but works in a building down the road from DH (both work in central London), they meet up for lunch/after work drinks about once a week, rather than arranging family get-togethers. This means we've meet up with whole family at MILs only 2 times this year.

I normally will make an effort to do something with the kids and SIL over the summer when DH and BIL are at work, but this year we couldn't get a date and I seemed to be the only one trying to sort anything, so have left it.

It's sad we don't really see DNs all that much (and my DCs see their godparents' children more often than their real cousins), but when the adults don't really like spending time together, combined with not living very close, means we don't really know them very well. No drama, just not children who are part of my/DH's day-to-day life.

Mulberry72 · 13/12/2017 16:45

I’m not close to any of my nieces or nephews nor am I close to my siblings.

I’m the eldest and there’s a big age gap between the youngest and me. It’s no big deal, it’s just the way it is.

Skowvegas · 13/12/2017 16:45

I have a close relationship with my sister's children even though we live 3000 miles apart. We work at it - spend a lot of money on flights, send presents, Facetime regularly. I adore them.

Not close with my other nephews and nieces mostly because of distance but also because we've let the distance get in the way IYSWIM.

Brakebackcyclebot · 13/12/2017 16:45

Because they live the other side of the country.

kittydetective · 13/12/2017 16:46

Because my DB's ex stopped my DB and us as a family seeing my DN

kittydetective · 13/12/2017 16:46

Because my DB's ex stopped my DB and us as a family seeing my DN

BamburyFuriou3 · 13/12/2017 16:47

My sibling has met my eldest once, and not met the other two, and never sends presents or cars, no idea when birthdays are, never sent birth congratulations etc. It upset me, but it's just not important to them.

SolemnlySwear2010 · 13/12/2017 16:47

I am not close of any of my Aunts/Uncle and really only see them at family events.

My DD(3 years old) is close to all her Aunts (not so much Uncles), but my sister in particular. I think its because my sister treats her like her own - they go out for lunch, go shopping etc together and just generally love spending time together.

I am close with my sister so its lovely to see their bond.

SammySays · 13/12/2017 16:47

From my experience, the children I know are closer to their mothers family as that is who they usually spend time with growing up. This is of course dependant on how close they live. I am very close to my mothers side despite them living further afield than my fathers side as my mum spent most time with them when I was growing up. I have cousins that are like sisters to me and I was so close to my Aunt. Unfortunately she passed away a couple of years ago but I can honestly say that she was one of the most precious people to me.

GrockleBocs · 13/12/2017 16:48

We don't live near dn. Her parents are divorced so when we are in town, she may be with the 'other' parent.

LookingForwardToChristmas · 13/12/2017 16:48

I think a lot of it depends upon how close you are to your siblings and whether they live nearby or not.

x2boys · 13/12/2017 16:50

I don't see my sister that much busy lives etc I love my nephews in that I like to hear they are doing well and I wouldnt wish anything untoward to happening them but the love in no way compares to my own kids .

AnnabelleLecter · 13/12/2017 16:53

One of my Dnephews is the same age as and one of my DD's best friends and is round here a lot, sometimes goes on holiday with us etc.
Also we spend at lot of time with my Dniece and her DC. I'm close to only one uncle and his partner.

Chattymummyhere · 13/12/2017 16:57

I just don’t really have much interest in other people’s children. If I see Dn I will interact with them but I wouldn’t go out of my way to see them. I have three kids of my own to look after/play with etc without feeling like I must spend loads of time with someone’s else’s.

00alwaysbusymum · 13/12/2017 17:00

I'm not close to any on my nieces or nephews which I find really sad.

My sil is really hard work and despite living in the same city we have seen the children probably twice this year. Makes me sad my children don't see their cousin who they adore, but last year I said enough was enough and stopped 'trying' to organise times to meet up.

My own siblings both live 2 hrs away and unfortunately with work and weekend activities we just don't have time to see them.

LouiseBrooks · 13/12/2017 17:01

I lived 200 miles away from my mother's sister and we were immensely close. I also live 200 miles from my brother and am very, very close to his daughters. I do treat them as if they were mine in many ways.

It's not really about physical distance I think. My mother's family were very close and I think my DB and I have carried that tradition on, despite not living near one another for the last 30 years. My DNs come and visit me and I've even taken them on holiday. This started when the eldest was about 12, before that I used to go and visit them regularly.

Jaxhog · 13/12/2017 17:02

It's easy if they live nearby. It's much harder if they live a long way away, like mine do. Harder too if there is a big age difference.

It also takes both parties to make the effort!

IJoinedJustToPostThis · 13/12/2017 17:03

Some of my DNs live hundreds, and some live thousands, of miles away from me. We Skype, but it's really not the same.

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 13/12/2017 17:03

I don't really know my nieces. I don't have a close relationship with my siblings so don't see them very often or my nieces. It's sad, but my sister has never bothered with my children either. My children have really missed out... grandparents not really interested, none of the Uncles of Aunts either. It puts a lot of burden on us as parents.

RedSkyAtNight · 13/12/2017 17:03

Because I'm not close to my sibling.
And we have very different parenting techniques and ideas so I find it hard to be around their children (being, as I see it, badly parented).