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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you're not close to your DN..

83 replies

SipTheCocaCola · 13/12/2017 16:32

Why?

My DB has a little girl (my DN obv) who I have an amazingly close bond with. I absolutely adore her and couldn't imagine not being close to any future DNie or nephews in he future. Most people I know in my city have the same kind of relationships with DN's, they're treated almost as like our own.

But on here, people don't seem to have the same closeness to their siblings children. Obviously this isn't everyone! And I understand if you don't live close to your siblings children but if you don't have a close relationship can I ask why?

OP posts:
Loveache · 13/12/2017 17:03

MIne are too young and I find toddlers and babies tedious at best- but I hope to be when they're past that stage.

TheDizzyRascal · 13/12/2017 17:04

because my sister in law is an absolute cockwomble and makes any relationship very difficult! Doesn't mean I don't love them though, it's just hard to get close to them x

Groovee · 13/12/2017 17:05

On my side my nieces and nephews vary. I'm close to my brothers daughters as I had them a lot when they were little.

Dh's N's we're not important in their lives until they want something. All their mother's doing.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2017 17:05

I have two nieces who I bloody love. I think the auntly bond can be very strong

Hoppinggreen · 13/12/2017 17:07

I don’t feel much more for mine than I wouid any other child to be honest.
If they needed help they wouid get it but to be honest I wouldn’t be bothered if I never saw them again. It’s odd because I really like Sil and bil and they adore my dc ( especially dd) but I’m really meh about their children.
My brothers dc I rarely see as I am nc with my brother but I used to when they were younger. I was quite fond of my niece but I haven’t seen her for about a year and I can’t say I’m too upset.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 13/12/2017 17:08

I am close to my neices and nephews of my siblings, but not to my husbands neice.

It sounds mean, but I just don't feel the same bond and love as I do for my siblings kids.

MinorRSole · 13/12/2017 17:09

On my side i live hundreds of miles away from them and hardly see them. Although dsis is very good at talking about me and I speak to them on the phone and the eldest writes to me which I love.

Dh's side - sil is a self absorbed bitch so we barely see them by choice. Anytime we do see.get she treats dh horribly and I have to bite my tongue so hard (she is very much the golden child so pil would side with her no matter what)

We are planning to move near my family, dh has had enough

Humpsfor20yards · 13/12/2017 17:10

Close to dsis and close to adult Dns.

It's a relationship that gives me a lot of happiness.

Hotpinkangel19 · 13/12/2017 17:10

Our family isn't close. I have 8 DNS and see none of them.

Witchend · 13/12/2017 17:14

I'm the opposite. I find it slightly strange when you turn up to a 5yos party and find half a dozen bored teenagers there who have to come because they're cousins.

I adored my cousin's, but as I was 10-17 years older I had much more of a favourite aunty status with them. The cousins about our age were army so we didn't see them often, and could go a couple of years without seeing them.

Candyfloss1122 · 13/12/2017 17:15

I adore my niece and nephew, we have a beautiful bond and they are very special to me ❤️

Strokethefurrywall · 13/12/2017 17:16

I love my niece fiercely, but I also live 4000 miles away and left the UK when she was about 9 months old. Given I'd seen her most days since she was born, my heart absolutely broke to not see her everyday.

She is nearly 11 now and we are close as we can be I think, we chat on facetime, I spend time with her when I'm in the UK. But she probably has a closer bond with my DSIL (brother's wife) who has also known her since she was tiny, and I'm very happy knowing that she has 2 aunts who love her to pieces. My brother died 5 years ago so I love that my DSIL is still a huge part of our family.

PurplePumpkinHead · 13/12/2017 17:16

I have no interest in other people's children. Not sure why I should be close to the child of my sister-in-law Confused

SandyY2K · 13/12/2017 17:16

I'm close to my DNs.... I have several ...but if I'm honest I'd say I was closer to my Dsis's DDs than my DBs...because of distance.

On the flip side not being close to your nieces and nephews usually happens when you aren't close to your siblings.

An example being my DH was at FILs and only when his nephew said " Bye Granddad" did his head spin and he realised who it was.

His excuse was he hadn't seen him in about 8 or 10 years. That could never happen in my family.

So consequently our DC are closer to my side of the family ....because we're close.

It saddens me that they could actually walk past their cousins on DHs side and not know who they are.

itsnearlycrimbo · 13/12/2017 17:17

Aww I love my brothers teenage kids as much as I love my own. They are so funny & kind, just like their parents! I am of course their favourite Auntie Grin

Original poster
SipTheCocaCola · 13/12/2017 17:23

My DB Is 18 and so we weren't close at all really. I've found that we've become much closer since the birth of ny DN as we've bonded through our love for her and spending time as a family. It's sad others don't have the same experiences with their DN :(

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 13/12/2017 17:28

Well, I'm guessing your DB lives close to you/your parents and you see him and DN together regularly. (and if he's only 18, presume Grandparents/wider family are a bit more involved in helping out than if he'd waited until he was in his 40s to have his first child).

It's much easier to feel close to a child you see regularly than one you only see 2-3 times a year.

MissWilmottsGhost · 13/12/2017 17:30

I only see my aunties and uncles at weddings and funerals. In fact, I am in better contact with the ones from hundreds of miles away that I didn't meet until I was 20, than the ones that live close and I stayed with for 2 weeks twice a year from birth until teens. I still send Christmas cards to them all, but don't get any back from the ones I spent so much my childhood with. I have no idea why they are so unfriendly towards me now, at the last funeral we met at they sneaked off without saying goodbye while I was in the toilet Hmm

DH's family are much smaller than mine as both parents are only children, so DH has no uncles and aunts. But both DBILs adore our DD, and they have put a lot of effort into building their relationship with her as they live some distance away and don't see her very frequently. She loves them both so much, and throws herself into their arms when she sees them. I think it's lovely that they have that bond, especially as my family are so crap.

MaidenMotherCrone · 13/12/2017 17:32

I've got 20 of them, wish only good things for them all but have no interest beyond that really.

AccrualIntentions · 13/12/2017 17:34

DH and I are not close to his DN. I've met him 4 or 5 times in his life, because we don't live near each other. I do expect to be close to my sister's baby, who will be 4 months younger than mine and lives 10 minutes away. It's just logistics.

ProzacAndWinePlease · 13/12/2017 17:36

I've lived in a different country than any of my nephews or nieces their whole life. At best I've met them once a year. I'm not particularly close with their parents either, so we don't tend to call or skype except in really exceptional circumstances. Not all families are close. shrug

highinthesky · 13/12/2017 17:39

I'm with you, OP.

My DN and I have a mutually adoring relationship, but so far all attempts to persuade her mother to hand her over to my legal care and attention have failed miserably.

festivedinosaur · 13/12/2017 17:43

I'm not close to my own cousins because I don't like some of them and others live far away. There is also a considerable age gap of around 10-15 years.

I'm close to my nieces and nephews on my own sisters side.

I'm not close to my nieces and nephews on DP's side mostly because SIL is a nightmare who has treated me very badly (previous CF SIL thread) and it's tainted the relationship.
I feel sorry for DP as I know he would like to feel closer to them himself, but es firmly on my side and equally as upset with SIL.
We now see them just when nessecary which is a shame as they are a lot more local than my own sister

kitkatsky · 13/12/2017 17:47

My SIL keeps a distance between me and my nephews as she and I aren’t very friendly. I try to see them as often as I can, but she makes it difficult and it’s not pleasant visiting someone’s house who doesn’t want you there

Agerbilatemycardigan · 13/12/2017 17:48

I love my DN and Dnephewstressful, but we live in different parts of the country, I have my own children and grandchildren so don't see them much.

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