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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spoon feeding toddler

61 replies

IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 19:20

So, I have a bit of a delicate relationship with my MIL with a huge back story of her being a PITA so I need to see whether I am being precious or not.

So DC1 is 2 and it transpires that MIL has been spoon feeding them - not just when they struggle to scoop something but actually sitting in front of them doing 'here comes the aeroplane' type feeding.

I saw this the other day and I said something along the lines of 'DC you are big now, you can feed yourself', she said 'I like to help' and I kind of laughed and said 'helping is okay but come on DC I know you can do it' thinking MIL would get the message.

The same day I saw her doing it again (we were with her all day!), and I said 'now come on grandma shouldn't be doing that for you, feed yourself please' - MIL literally blanked me and carried on doing it.

Now, am I making a fuss over nothing? - I have no perspective when it comes to her as she has annoyed me on too many occasions. DC was BLW so has been feeding herself since 6 months with me but I know my mum found it odd and couldn't help spoon feeding her but hasn't done that for a year now.

It is making me angry thinking about it but I don't know whether to pick my battles BUT DC is starting to ask to be fed like that and that annoys me even more. Agghhhhh.

OP posts:
YCAWS · 12/12/2017 19:24

At 2 years old Id be really annoyed. But I'd also take the spoon from MIL put it in toddlers hand and tell MIL to find another seat.

Owletterocks · 12/12/2017 19:25

Yeah, to be honest op, I would pick my battles. She isn't doing her any harm and is possibly just babying her a bit. Sometimes you just have to let the small things go.

Fattymcfaterson · 12/12/2017 19:26

In the big scheme of things is this really worth getting angry about?

LouHotel · 12/12/2017 19:26

Unless she has her once a week so creating bad habits i would let it ok personally.

My mum tries to do this with my 18 months sometimes who isnt having any of it.

Original poster
IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 19:27

@Fattymcfaterson no, probably not but it's the completely ignoring me thing that has got to me I think. It's just frustrating.

OP posts:
GeekyBlinders · 12/12/2017 19:27

How often does she feed your child? If she's caring for them every day, responsible for three meals a day, then yes, you need to stop her because she could delay your child's fine motor skill development (at least for spoon use!). If it's twice a month, I'd let it go.

HeyMicky · 12/12/2017 19:33

My MIL does this with DD2 (2.7). She's obsessed with "getting food in", whereas I leave the DDs to it and if they eat, they eat; if not, fine. She both loads the fork/spoon for her and also spoons it in.

Pick your battles. MIL did it for DD1 too but doesn't anymore. DD2 eats well, with cutlery, at home and at nursery so I let it go. I rather think DD2 likes being babied a little and this is the last grandchild for the PILs so some harmless fussing at their house is enjoyed by all parties.

RestingGrinchFace · 12/12/2017 19:48

Unless you a trying to teach her to self feed YABU.

Crumbs1 · 12/12/2017 19:53

It’s not harming anyone so I wouldn’t be unduly bothered. It’s a fight not worth having.

Ansumpasty · 12/12/2017 19:54

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. I fed my 5yo before as he was messing about.
It's a teeny issue in the grand scheme of things.

foxyloxy78 · 12/12/2017 19:56

You should spoonfeed your MIL.

JennyBlueWren · 12/12/2017 19:57

Depends how frequent it is. DS is nearly 3 and MIL still spoon feeds him sometimes (if he's not interested or it's messy) and always has a high chair for him. We put ours out to the garage ages ago (after DS decided it was a great place to climb up and jump off of!).

We only see them every 2-3 months though so I don't make a fuss of it although I have pointed out that we don't use a highchair anymore but she thinks it's an easier way to get him to sit for a longer time at the table. I think she either doesn't realise that he's not a baby or that she doesn't want him to grow up.

Does your MIL spend much time with DC?

JagerPlease · 12/12/2017 19:57

See I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, given that the whole point of BLW is that the child is never spoon fed at all and learns to self feed. I'd definitely be having a word!

Original poster
IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 20:01

@RestingGrinchFace I am teaching DC to self feed - that's why I have always done BLW and I have never spoon fed.

OP posts:
Original poster
IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 20:03

@JennyBlueWren at least once a week. Which is why it's so annoying - I know it's probably not a battle worth having and I should save my energy for the many many other things but it's made me irrationally annoyed.

OP posts:
CrossFreelancer · 12/12/2017 20:05

When should I stop spoon feeding my DS? Blush
I have a 1 year old (12 months). I'm still spoon feeding him, should I be looking to stop this soon then?

Pengggwn · 12/12/2017 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aftereights91 · 12/12/2017 20:13

My. 18.month old still can't manage a spoon and fork haha. His hand eye coordination is great everywhere else but cutlery seems to escape him, he just uses his hands to eat most of the time

QueenNefertitty · 12/12/2017 20:16

DS hasn't let me - or anyone- feed him since he was 9 months old. DM tries sometimes but generally ends up wearing it- and quite right too!

If I were you, I'd start trying to spoon feed your MIL. She'll soon stop with your DS.

Urubu · 12/12/2017 20:19

I would either let it go or ask MIL explicitely not to do it.

FWIW I have two very good eaters and am annoyed at DP and DPIL who act as if children should be bribed with "treat foods" to eat healthy food: look DGC, a big spoonful of yummy pasta to hide this tiny yucky piece of courgette... They love veg, thank you very much, don't start making them question that!!

Original poster
IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 20:25

@Pengggwn haha- weaning a baby is a pain in the arse (actually children are just a pain the arse Wink) but I found BLW a lot easier than puréed food.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 12/12/2017 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IHATEPeppaPig · 12/12/2017 20:28

@CrossFreelancer I did BLW so I never spoon fed DC but why not let your DS start getting used to a spoon and/or fork (you can each have one?).

It's never too early to start teaching them independence and it's great for motor development Smile

OP posts:
liquidrevolution · 12/12/2017 20:29

DD was never interested in BLW (tried for ages) but would eat tonnes if I spoon fed her. Even now at age 3 if she is ill or tired she sits on my lap and asks me to feed her Confused.

However you have asked MIL twice and she is still doing it so you are within your rights to be a bit grumpy. I think you do need to sit her down and spell it out for her. ie I dont want you to spoon feed because blah blah blah or she really wont listen.

Heartofglass12345 · 12/12/2017 20:44

I'm sorry i would keep reminding her that your child can feed themselves. Its a skill and they usually enjoy it! I hate it when other people interfere, even with good intentions. (My MIL reorganised my spice cupboard the other day and moved all the stuff i use a lot to the back)! Not the same i know, but people thinking they are being helpful and actually being helpful are two different things lol

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