Spoon feeding toddler

[IHATEPeppaPig]

So, I have a bit of a delicate relationship with my MIL with a huge back story of her being a PITA so I need to see whether I am being precious or not.

So DC1 is 2 and it transpires that MIL has been spoon feeding them - not just when they struggle to scoop something but actually sitting in front of them doing 'here comes the aeroplane' type feeding.

I saw this the other day and I said something along the lines of 'DC you are big now, you can feed yourself', she said 'I like to help' and I kind of laughed and said 'helping is okay but come on DC I know you can do it' thinking MIL would get the message.

The same day I saw her doing it again (we were with her all day!), and I said 'now come on grandma shouldn't be doing that for you, feed yourself please' - MIL literally blanked me and carried on doing it.

Now, am I making a fuss over nothing? - I have no perspective when it comes to her as she has annoyed me on too many occasions. DC was BLW so has been feeding herself since 6 months with me but I know my mum found it odd and couldn't help spoon feeding her but hasn't done that for a year now.

It is making me angry thinking about it but I don't know whether to pick my battles BUT DC is starting to ask to be fed like that and that annoys me even more. Agghhhhh.

@CrossFreelancer i always gave my son a spoon and had one myself, although in the end he would take mine off me too lol. He is 2 now and feeds himself, he only lets me help if he really needs it lol

As i do BLW since 6 months and never fed my 10 month old i would be Furious if my MIL was to fed my little girl! U are def nbu

My DS has started to want to hold the spoon but he can't actually just it himself. He just flings it everywhere and I'm a little bit of a control freak when it comes to mess! He does feed himself an little but most of it ends up in his bib and not in his tummy.
Sorry to hijack your thread a little OP

I had this issue with MIL but also members of my family. My mum listens and stopped, but my sister and MIL didn't. Luckily DS had none of it and they soon backed off, once with a face covered in food
I hate the constant comments when they are eating, just let them get on with it- all this "well done you are eating a carrot " "eat some meat"- it makes them self conscious and stops them eating.

You probably need to be more direct. "Mil please don't spoon feed DC that's not the way I want him/he to eat, I'm sure DC would love it if you'd read him/her a book after lunch though"

However you have asked MIL twice and she is still doing it so you are within your rights to be a bit grumpy

No she hasn’t. She has spoken to the adult through the child.

Instead of a passive aggressive comment to the child hoping the grandparent would “get the message” try actually speaking to the adult like an adult.

MIL didn’t ignore you OP because you didn’t speak to her, you spoke to your child.

I watched my mum try and spoon feed 4.5 year old DD earlier. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t go down well. It’s frustrating but as long as she can’t do it everyday I’d let it go.

I sometimes spoon feed DS2, 2. I try to leave him to it but if I know he hasn't eaten much I'll push a few aeroplanes in

You asked your child to feed themselves and they didn't cooperate. You didn't actually ask or tell your MIL anything. It sounds like she and your DC were both perfectly happy so why would she stop doing it without being asked to directly?

If your DC is developing fine, then the occasional airplane themed meal wouldn't bother me. I would just make it very clear to DC that this is how granny does things and mummy doesn't do spoon-feeding.

Picking your battles is a life enhancing thing. But mil has blanked you to go against what your asked. As she has form for being a pia , she could well conclude that blanking you works, and that she has won.
So in this instance I would sit her down, at a non meal time, and tell her it's not acceptable to you. Or bet still get your dh to do it.

I wouldn't like that at all. And I'd say so op.

This is a massive bugbear for me. I don't like seeing anyone beyond 14/15 months being spoon fed. It just is not necessary!! As a nanny and a babysitter, so often I've seen parents still feeding 7/8/9 year olds, just out of habit!

OP if I were you I would tell your MIL straight out that you want her to stop.

As PPs said you haven’t addressed it directly with MIL. You have told your child to feed themselves which is putting your child in an impossible position, what exactly are they supposed to do when MIL is feeding them? If you - an adult - won’t stand up to MIL and tell her not to spoon feed the child, how do you expect a 2yo to reject the food she is offering and insist on feeding themself?

It sounds as if you have other issues with MIL so it might be a case of picking your battles, but equally if someone has a habit of overstepping boundaries you have to be clear and firm.

What’s your DH’s opinion on all this? Is he ever around when MIL spoonfeeds DC?

This is a massive bugbear for me. I don't like seeing anyone beyond 14/15 months being spoon fed. It just is not necessary!!

Really??? despite giving him a spoon and fork to use himself since aroun8 months my 18month old still would rather fling them around than use them to eat. I guess I'll stop giving him a few mouthfulls off the spoon... apparently it's "unnecessary".

I would leave it, it is once a week and it won't be long before your DC grabs the spoon out of her hand and says NO. Don't worry

I don't like seeing anyone beyond 14/15 months being spoon fed. It just is not necessary!!

Swap spoon fed for breast fed and see how the post would pan out. I agree with OP if she really does not want her DC being spoon fed but for someone else to say that they hate seeing kids past 14/15m being spoon fed.......none of your business!

Swap spoon fed for breast fed and see how the post would pan out.
But many dc never BF and you would never know as adults, but we all need to improve our fine motor skills and dc need to learn how to use cutlery. MIL is slowing her GC fine motor skill and cutlery development against the OP's wishes.
OP, I've got the completely ignore my wishes MIL, looks at me blankly and just carries on. Think about how that looks to your dc, just ignore Mummy and carry on! You need to have a word about that, if that doesn't work your OH needs to tell her. This year MIL ignored our wishes, she booked anyway, she lost hundreds when she canceled and her GC, I lost my mind. Pick your battles carefully, small isn't always insignificant.

Both my Mum and MIL did this with my DC. Even when they were 3. It meant that if a Granny was around my DC just wouldn't eat as they knew Granny would do it if they left it long enough.

MIL had to be told not to put on their shoes, coats etc. for them too. After nursery told me DC2 was not good at getting themselves ready. Drove me nuts.

My DS would have been screaming for the spoon at age 14 months (doesn't like the loss of self suffiency). He does let me spoon feed him rarely and I only do so when its something runny and I need to keep him clean

it's the completely ignoring me thing that has got to me I think. It's just frustrating.

To be fair, she didn't ignore you because you never actually spoke to her. You just made comments to your child in hopes that she'd take the hint. She may not even have realised the point you were trying to make! My MIL often helps my daughter put her shoes and coat on, and I'll make similar comments ("You should be doing that yourself, really.") But it's literally a comment to my daughter, and not in any way intended to be a dig at my MIL. When I want my MIL to not do something, I tell her directly.

Next time it happens, just tell her that you don't want her to do that anymore. If she argues or ignores you then, it's fair enough to be annoyed and consider whether or not it's worth pursuing further. At the moment, it really doesn't sound like your MIL has done anything wrong.

I can see why you prefer BLW but you have to ask your MIL specifically. Your approach has been PA so far.

Also - it really won't make a difference if your baby is spoon fed or not. If you had 3 more children by the 4th one you honestly wouldn't care. Pick your battles.

It's not okay unnecessary, ifs disrespectful of your parenting choices for her to spoonfeed your DC when you've done BLW. I would not be okay with this at all!

Would it be better if your DP/DH told her?

I feed my 2 1/2 year old about 60% of her meal. She'll eat some but then get bored and start playing drums with the cutlery or just chewing the fork. I care more about her getting the food down to be honest. I know she can do it. Don't really think it'll spoil her future chances in life.