Spoon feeding toddler

[IHATEPeppaPig]

So, I have a bit of a delicate relationship with my MIL with a huge back story of her being a PITA so I need to see whether I am being precious or not.

So DC1 is 2 and it transpires that MIL has been spoon feeding them - not just when they struggle to scoop something but actually sitting in front of them doing 'here comes the aeroplane' type feeding.

I saw this the other day and I said something along the lines of 'DC you are big now, you can feed yourself', she said 'I like to help' and I kind of laughed and said 'helping is okay but come on DC I know you can do it' thinking MIL would get the message.

The same day I saw her doing it again (we were with her all day!), and I said 'now come on grandma shouldn't be doing that for you, feed yourself please' - MIL literally blanked me and carried on doing it.

Now, am I making a fuss over nothing? - I have no perspective when it comes to her as she has annoyed me on too many occasions. DC was BLW so has been feeding herself since 6 months with me but I know my mum found it odd and couldn't help spoon feeding her but hasn't done that for a year now.

It is making me angry thinking about it but I don't know whether to pick my battles BUT DC is starting to ask to be fed like that and that annoys me even more. Agghhhhh.

I completely understand your frustration OP. The point in your MIL clearly doesn't respect you are the mum and what you say goes. Always difficult tho, especially if your relationship is already delicate.

Not read whole thread but... I'd say if she is providing free childcare then you have to just suck it up. (Not sure if she is without having read whole thread).

My mil used to look after our dd and there were things that weren't in line with our way of thinking. But she was giving her time and saving us £50-odd/day so I balanced that kindness against the irritation I felt at her not doing things my way.

If she isn't providing childcare and it's on 'your time' I'd say you can reinforce the message few times- but if still no joy, ask yourself whether you care so much because of the issue itself or because your mil is a PITA and it taps into your annoyance over that! And then weigh up whether to keep pushing it or just let it go.

I say this from experience. Sometimes I'm just so irritated with my mil that I lose sight of the actual issue.

(Whispers: I also personally feel that BLW is not the holy grail. Teaching kids that you just pick food up with your hands and stuff it in your face? Spaghetti all over the table and their head is fine? Mmm not sure. I've got two kids, one not BLW because it was a huge failure, one BLW because he was a greedy little oink who grabbed and destroyed all food in sight. Both now use cutlery.)

I spent a week with someone who still spoon fed their 6 year old. No special needs, she just liked being spoon fed.

It’d completely piss me off!!
But be the grown up and turn a blind eye. It’s not doing any harm.
If you let everything irritate you it’ll just make you miserable.
When MIL has gone. Remind DC they can do it and have your conversation with them then. In time they won’t want it.
Remember there’s a last time for everything. Let MIL cling onto a baby for another few months! .... we might all feel differently when we’re grandparents.

This would annoy me too, she clearly has either completely missed the hint or just wilfully ignored it. I guess you have to decide if it annoys you enough to make it worth properly asking you MIL to do something different. I would probably say something like ‘Thanks for helping MIL but actually we find DC eats better when they feed themselves and it’s supposed to be really good for their development’ if she still doesn’t stop then specifically say ‘Could you not spoon feed DC please’
My mum looks after my LG twice a week and does tend to think she’s the expert in all things but I find if I say why/ what the current advice or evidence is and seem like it’s not just coming from me but from current experts telling her what I want her to do goes down better.
To be fair to that generation I think it must be quite hard to feel like you are being bossed about by your children even if they do want to respect your choices as a parent.

**Remember there’s a last time for everything. Let MIL cling onto a baby for another few months! .... we might all feel differently when we’re grandparents.

This exactly! She isn't doing any harm, she probably realises from first hand experience that they grow up way too fast.

I don’t think it’s a big deal. I think it’s not a battle worth having. You must have things you really feel strongly about eg too much TV or fizzy drinks. I’d save yourself for the issues that matter. As for your lo asking to be spoon fed. Just continue as you’ve always done and he’ll soon realise what he can do (get away with) with grandma and what he can do with you. My mil looks after my lo 3 days a week and does quite a few things differently but I save myself for the big things and just accept that people have different ways of doing things. It can be hard but it’s not worth creating tension over little things.

I also would let it go. Maybe he enjoys being spoon fed by his grandma once a week. And maybe she enjoys doing it and feels she is bonding with him. It's not going to stop him developing his skills at feeding himself.

My 2.4 year old would look at you like you were insane if you tried to spoon feed her! I’ve never once fed her (and neither has anyone else as far as I know). Even at 6 months she would just grab the spoon and do it herself.
It would bother me because I’d just think it was a bit weird and unnecessary... why feed a child who can feed themselves?

Why don't you just have a grown up conversation with her about it? As others have said, you haven't asjed her to stop or explained why, just dropped a few veiled hints. She probably genuinely has no clue why it might be a problem (My parents didn't. I explained. They stopped). Parenting norms change all the time. She's probably not trying to piss you off, unless you have other relationship issues with her.