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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about trying for another baby

59 replies

sunshine546 · 12/12/2017 16:09

At 41? I have one dc who is 5. Thought I was done but now having a wobble!

Life is so much easier now and I think that's why I've only just started to consider this but I think it's prob too late...

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/12/2017 16:12

Not at all.

Trinity66 · 12/12/2017 16:13

41 isn't too late

NataliaOsipova · 12/12/2017 16:14

Not too late. Potentially riskier, but you will be aware of that. Know many women who've had a baby post 40, with no problems at all.

Original poster
sunshine546 · 12/12/2017 22:20

Ok thanks all

Just seems like it ... las everything is getting easier and I worry about how it will affect our little trio but I think if I don't try I will always live with what ifs and regret

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine546 · 26/12/2017 21:40

Has anyone thought they didn't want another and then changed their mind or not and another through choice and regretted it? Would be really helpful to hear your thoughts thanks

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 26/12/2017 21:46

I had my first at 39 and second at 41. All good. The only thing is I think you need to think carefully about coping with tiredness/lack of sleep etc. I also found the second time took more of a toll on my body!
Good luck!

user1490465531 · 26/12/2017 21:47

it's not to late but I had a similar feeling at about 36 my dd is an only child and I did feel bad about it sometimes.
As I wasn't in a relationship at the time I didn't get the chance to have a sibling for dd but now at 38 I feel so glad I didn't go for it.
Do you really want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights?

Tistheseason17 · 26/12/2017 21:52

I'd love another but DH says no! 😭
39 with DC1 and 40 with DC2.
My best bud had her first at 45 - go for it! I'm just jealous!

Original poster
sunshine546 · 27/12/2017 12:48

No don't really want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights but also don't want to get to 43 and think I wish we had tried..

In hindsight I wish we had had ds earlier in life so I had more time to decide

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 27/12/2017 12:52

I am 11 weeks pregnant with dc2. I’m 39 will be 40 when baby arrives. Ds is 5. I have been dithering for years about having another as found the birth and baby stage so hard it nearly broke me. In the end I decided that the baby phase passes and I will do whatever I need to get through it.

I still worry if I have made the right choice. We love being a family of three.

juneau · 27/12/2017 12:57

I wouldn't focus on the baby stage when you think about this. Focus on what you want longer term. The baby phase is but a year or two. Did you always want two DC? Does your DH? Did you always yourselves eventually being a unit of four? If the answer is yes, then I would go for it - don't put it off any longer. If the answer is no, then it could just be 'last chance' panic.

sah2241 · 27/12/2017 13:35

My DD is 6 and I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with our second. I have had a couple of panicky moments when I think about how easy life is now DD is older and wonder if we're mad having another at this point in our lives. But I also think it won't be as much of a shock to the system second time around as the lifestyle compromises you have to make are much less, and I'm determined to just relax and enjoy it in the knowledge that this is definitely our last. Plus, DD is so excited to have a baby sister and will genuinely be a great little helper! If you want it, I say go for it!

User700800 · 27/12/2017 13:47

If you both want another dc and think you will regret not trying then I think you should try.

MeadowHay · 27/12/2017 14:08

No YANBU if you think you can cope and afford another one. Go for it!

Original poster
sunshine546 · 27/12/2017 18:35

Congrats lndnmummy.. I'm sure you've made the right choice .. it's just a big change!

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 27/12/2017 18:37

Ah, but if you'd had him earlier, he wouldn't be your DS, he'd be someone else entirely!

I wouldn't focus on how you'll cope with the baby stage as it's over so quickly. If you can cope financially and your DP is on board, why not?? Good luck!!

Original poster
sunshine546 · 27/12/2017 19:57

True Rebecca .. I hadn't thought of it like that ..

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OuchLegoHurts · 27/12/2017 20:14

My advice is to decide quickly! I was pregnant a few months ago at 39 (9 year gap between this one and my twins!) and I miscarried. It was actually ok as we hadn't planned the pregnancy but after the shock we got very excited...after the miscarriage we decided not to try again, but it hit me for the first time just how common miscarriages in 'older' women are and that if we had wanted to try again, just how quickly we would need to move! So basically what I'm saying is, from a practical point of view, if you want a baby you should move fast, just in case something goes wrong and you need to try again. Sorry to be negative, but I think I was in denial about the chances of miscarriage, as I had fallen pregnant so easily (only one 'accident'!) and am very healthy so just presumed it would work out.

Original poster
sunshine546 · 28/12/2017 00:03

Sorry to hear about your mc ouchlego.. yes I was
V lucky that I had no mc before ds and obviously haven't tried since him so no mcs... so I may be opening myself up to a world of heartache which is another reason for hesitating.. along with increased risk of multiples and also health issues with baby

I am quite risk averse and can catastrophise easily so that's also prob part of the reason that we haven't tried ..

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 28/12/2017 00:06

I ttc at 42, got pregnant the third month of ttc!! Had ds at 43 -with a 6 year gap between him and youngest dc. They are really close at 3+9!!

CamdenTownie · 28/12/2017 00:18

Hi,

I'm in a similar position at 38 years old, however my youngest is 10.

Dh isn't much help, he says he's happy to have another child but I need to make a decision.

Until recently I was pretty sure that our family was complete, but now I'm not so sure and think we will prob ttc soon and see what happens.

I do worry that the massive age gap could be a problem, but I also don't want to regret not trying, I feel like this could be my last chance.

Original poster
sunshine546 · 28/12/2017 00:48

Camden my dh is the same... happy with our little family but if I really want another he will agree. Most people would think that is great but it has made it harder for me to decide as I don't really know if I do want another ... I think I do and then I think I don't almost on a daily basis!

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshine546 · 28/12/2017 18:36

Although I was thinking today if dh did want another I would definitely go for it...

OP posts:
goose1964 · 28/12/2017 18:51

My BFF had hers when she was in her early/mid 40s. They were both healthy

Original poster
sunshine546 · 29/12/2017 11:34

I think my hormones are playing a big part in this! I suppose it's nature's way of trying to give you a last chance

Also it's Christmas and it's just the three of us.. ds is missing his friends and even though dh and I have done lots of playing with him and taken him on days out.. I feel like he might be a bit lonely

But then I keep telling myself that a baby will be no playmate at all! And with a 6 year gap it's unlikely that hypothetical dc2 and ds will be close friends!

OP posts:
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