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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband to stick to our plans?

70 replies

Lenny1987 · 02/12/2017 16:14

We have been invited to the 30th birthday partty of my 2 best friends tonight. Invite was sent in september. Husband knows both very well, has been on holiday with them, attended lots of family parties/ gatherings etc over the 8 years we have been together. A couple of weeks ago his soorts team organised a night out for tonight. I said at thr time if he really wanted to go he could go, then we decided he would spend an hour or two at the party then go to the night out. At 3pm today he changes his mind, says he never goes out with the lads (i never stop him) and that he has to suffer and do what i want. Aibu to expect him to stick to the agreement?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/12/2017 16:17

Yanbu, he shld do what he agreed to do first

Belleoftheball8 · 02/12/2017 16:18

Why can’t you go to your friends birthday and he go out with his friends, especially as he doesn’t go out often? I don’t see an issue

sonjadog · 02/12/2017 16:20

He can pop in, say hi and stay for an hour, and then head out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/12/2017 16:21

Hmm, you won’t have much fun if he comes along reluctantly but he’s being incredibly rude trying to bail at such short notice.

What do you want to do now? I’d be really pissed of and it’s the sort of crappy stunt my ex would pull.

runsmidgeOMG · 02/12/2017 16:22

Yeah I think a compromise is in order. He could just show his face then go to see his friends.
It's awful that you even gave him this option and now he's changed his mind. Hope you're ok OP it must be frustrating

Original poster
Lenny1987 · 02/12/2017 16:23

Thats what i have still asked him to do, spend an hour to show his face then he can head out. I dont expect him to miss his night out.

I normally have no problem with us doing things separately, the majority of our social time is spent apart but I just feel that this is a special occasion and he should make an effort, as I do to attend his friends parties weddings etc.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 02/12/2017 16:25

I think he should make the effort because he has said that he will come and they will be expecting him. Nothing to do with being in a couple, it´s just good manners.

Original poster
Lenny1987 · 02/12/2017 16:27

Exactly that, if everybody had the same attitude at late notice the party would be a disaster!

OP posts:
Ilovetolurk · 02/12/2017 16:30

You seem perfectly reasonable OP

tinysparklyshoes · 02/12/2017 16:31

I don't see what is wrong with a bit of flexibility, people can change their minds about things. You go see your friends, he can see his. What's so wrong with that? I don't see why you want him to come with you when he would be much happier doing something else, seems pointless to me.

It's a party, meant to be fun, with happy guests. Not people forced to be there by someone else and don't want to be. Somewhat misses the point for me.

BackforGood · 02/12/2017 16:36

I hear what you are saying, but from a practical pov, going to one place for an hour then getting from there to the other place, etc., is just hassle. If he is going out with his friends / team for the evening, then he might as well go with them from the start. Seems a bit daft to "insist" he comes with you if he is leaving anyway.
I'm guessing if it is the "30th birthday party of 2 friends", then it's going to be a bigger party and it's not really going to effect their enjoyment of it if one friend's dh can't go. Not like he's been bought a sought after ticket for something, or it is an intimate dinner party.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2017 16:43

No YANBU. He should stick to agreements. He’s sulking, isn’t he? Surely an hour or 2 with your friends is more than reasonable then he can catch up with his mates.

CatastropheKate · 02/12/2017 16:43

what is wrong with a bit of flexibility, people can change their minds about things.

Do you often not bother attending parties that you're invited to and that you've arranged to attend? And just decide to go elsewhere at the last minute instead? How rude!

tinysparklyshoes · 02/12/2017 16:44

Was there any need to make it personal? Did I say what I actually do?
Rude yourself Hmm

greendale17 · 02/12/2017 16:47

You go see your friends, he can see his. What's so wrong with that? I don't see why you want him to come with you when he would be much happier doing something else, seems pointless to me.

^I agree with this

minipie · 02/12/2017 16:47

Have you rsvpd to the 30th party, so friends are expecting you both?

If so, he should come to the party like he agreed.

CatastropheKate · 02/12/2017 16:48

Did I say what I actually do?

No, that's why I asked 'Do you ......'

Justoneme · 02/12/2017 16:52

He wants to go out with the boys ... control freak or what.

Lashalicious · 02/12/2017 16:54

Why would he want to go to your best friends’ birthday party in the first place? Especially since his friends are having a party the same night (maybe he asked them to have it that night so he wouldn’t have to go to the other haha!)

He’s probably sick to death of you making him socialize with your friends all these years. He finally has a party he actually wants to go to and here’s another one you have cooked up. I think you’re being reasonable but from his perspective, it sounds like you and your friends arrange these things and he has to go along with it and after eight years he’s trying to get out of one of them. Ask him and see what he says. Let him do his own thing this once.

BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2017 16:54

Suffer?! Really?

He sounds like a jerk whose trying to make you feel bad for expecting him to act like a grown up, even though you'd already offered him an out!

I hope he grows up someday...

Julie8008 · 02/12/2017 16:55

Op is being reasonable but so is DH, he is a grown man and is entitled to change his mind. He goes to see his friends and op goes to see hers, I dont see why anyone would get stressed about this.

Cant imagine why two 30 yo girl friends will even notice if someones husband tags along for a few hours, they probably only invited him as the partner of their friend.

So YABU

tinysparklyshoes · 02/12/2017 16:55

No, you decided. And called me rude. Hmm

Anyway, when you throw a party do you want people there who don't want to come and only did because their wives made them? I know I don't.

PinkHeart5914 · 02/12/2017 17:00

Ok so he doesn’t want to go to your friends 30th now, well imo that isn’t unreasonable at all.

Like your friends are going to care if your dh doesn’t attend, I doubt they will be crying in the corner over it and your still get to see your friends.

You see your friends, he sees his. Everyone’s happy, and problem solved

tissuesosoft · 02/12/2017 17:03

I agree he should go for an hour or so to show his face so to speak, however if your friends' party is quite a distance from his sports night then I can see why he wouldn't want to go to the first

timeisnotaline · 02/12/2017 17:09

If he actually said 'suffer', I'd get pissed off, and say I thought you liked them and so did they. We will know not to invite you to parties and holidays again, id hate you to be suffering through them. And go on my own. Bit childish but not more than he is!