To not let Dd have her confidentiality

[CoffeeCuddles]

Dd is at the age where she can take charge of all her medical appointments, records etc . Part of me doesn’t want her to sign the form . I’m all for her making these decisions herself but I don’t think she’s capable on making the choices about her mental health. Aibu ?

how old is she?

Depends on your dd surely?
How old is she?
What decisions?
Why don't you want her to sign the form/why don't you think she's capable?

How old is she? Do the HCP's she is seeing feel that she is able to take control herself?

Yes.
You don't have a choice in whether to "let" her have her confidentiality if she is old enough to be judged Gillick competent. It is her right.

And the fact she wouldn't make the same choices as you around how to handle her mental health doesn't make yours the "right" ones.

YABU I know its hard and you must be worried but its her right and you have to accept that. Its also worth remembering that it doesnt help peoples self esteem or mental health to take power out of their hands. Taking more responsibility for her own treatment may have a very positive effect on her and will set her up into adulthood. You wont always be around to make decisions for her so its good that you have a crossover period where she is still at home with you but has some control of her own medical issues. That will help her learn the skills for taking care of herself when she does eventually leave.

How old is she?

She’s 16 . I think she’s capable of booking an appointments for things like flu jabs, chest infections but when it comes down to her mental health , she’d refuse all support and stop going to appointments if she has the choice

It’s her choice, not yours.

The health services might give her choices but assuming she lives with you, continuing to attend important health appointments can be a condition of that. You don’t stop being responsible for a child when they turn 16.

FFS she's 16?! You were talking about this situation like she is 11 or 12.

And the fact that she might stop going to appointments doesn't mean she isn't capable of managing her mental health. It means she weights the costs and benefits as they relate to herself differently than you do. Which, again, is her right. It's her health and she bears the consequences.

She is a competent young person not far off being an adult. Her health is hers to manage. And you won't do her any favours, especially in the arena of mental health, by assuming that you "know best" for her.

Ok Nerr so if you had, say, a 16 year old with anorexia who wanted to refuse treatment and basically starve herself to death, you'd give her your blessing would you? Or a child with schizophrenia who wanted to come off meds against doctor's advice?

Its best she refuses to go to appointments and learns the effect that has now while shes at home with you, than when shes out in the world on her own.
Hopefully by the time shes 18 she will have learned to be responsible about it.
You see when someone is forcing you to do something its very easy to rebel. When its left up to you however then you are made to actually consider it yourself. She may turn against these things for a time but she will quickly realise that as an adult she needs to put effort into helping herself and not rely on someone who cares forcing her. It really is best that she learns that before she turns 18.

This is one of the hardest things about your kids growing older. I had no issue with ds sorting out his own (minimal) medical affairs, but found it very frustrating with dd (complicated history). Fortunately, she's always kept me in the loop and I can advise and organise from the background.

Depends if she fits the criteria to be classed as a vulnerable adult in two years time?

I take it there is some mh problems here op? It's tough, but you have to guide them (or in my ds's case nag) to make the right choices. They have the right, it's up to us to make sure they use it responsibly. If there are my problems, then id hope the hcp involved would take a pro active stance too)

YABU. At 16, she's able to consent to, or refuse, medical treatment, providing that she has capacity. Nothing you have said makes me think that she doesn't have capacity.

I have just had this but the other way round. DD had to sign a form allowing me to make appointments, check results, etc.

I'm surprised that you're being asked to waiver rather than her giving you access.

Does she actually want the responsibility? I still make appointments and attend for my kids but I'm they are happy with this and I'm not even sure if they know they can do it alone.

Ok Nerr so if you had, say, a 16 year old with anorexia who wanted to refuse treatment and basically starve herself to death, you'd give her your blessing would you? Or a child with schizophrenia who wanted to come off meds against doctor's advice?

Not Nerr, but of course no-one would give a young person their blessing under those circumstances.

I'd explain that they can be sectioned as a danger to themselves or others, and that it's far better to agree to treatment than to have it enforced. And I'd raise my concerns re non-compliance with their HCP.

You are being unreasonable, but very very understandably so.

And the fact that she might stop going to appointments doesn't mean she isn't capable of managing her mental health. It means she weights the costs and benefits as they relate to herself differently than you do. Which, again, is her right. It's her health and she bears the consequences.

But if that has an impact on the rest of the family then surely her mum should be trying her best to get her to go? A 16 year old is still a child and personally I would find it very hard to sit watching a car crash about to happen, despite her "rights"

Yes, when you are an adult and live independently then you get to make your own choices re mental health and anything else. When you are 16 and living as part of a family then your mental health affects everybody. That doesn't necessarily mean that someone should dictate to you but it is no longer so simple as "fine, your choice".

You can't. I get why you want to, I will be facing this myself in a year's time, but you can't

Basically if she attended mainstream education without significant paid support (ie not you) she will be assumed Gillick competent and will retain confidentiality from you.And she should retain confidentiality from you. Just because you want to know doesn't mean you should have the right to know. And that's very hard, and quite sad, and is how it should be.