To not let Dd have her confidentiality

[CoffeeCuddles]

Dd is at the age where she can take charge of all her medical appointments, records etc . Part of me doesn’t want her to sign the form . I’m all for her making these decisions herself but I don’t think she’s capable on making the choices about her mental health. Aibu ?

Lol at being able to manage the pros and cons of the different treatments as well as managing her MH all on her own at 16yo.

Most ADULTS aren’t managing that well at all.
At 16yo she will still need the support an adult/parent can give her.

As a parent, stopping being involved in her care would be like giving up in my child.

Besides, at 16yo they aren’t legally adults. So why are they considered mature enough to take that sort of life changing decisions when they aren’t allowed to vite, drive etc etc?

I would be surprised if many 16 year olds would let their parents make or attend their medical appointments. By that age they will be assumed to be Gillick competent.

Even if it would be better for her mum to manage her mental health appointments it doesn’t matter. The law dictates that if she has the mental capacity to make decisions regarding her healthcare then she can. The law states that someone with capacity is allowed to make unwise decisions (mental capacity act).

It might be the sensible thing for the OP’s daughter to let her mum manage he appointments but it is the daughter’s decision.

www.cqc.org.uk/sites/default/files/20151008%20Brief%20guide%20-%20Capacity%20and%20consent%20in%20under%2018s%20FINAL.pdf

This is a good overview from CQC. It covers those over 16.

Even if you were able to drag her to appts you can't force her to engage with them nor could you force medication down her throat if she doesn't want it so you're probably over estimating any power you would have.

I have older teens, and mine are totally happy for me to arrange any accompany.

I expect to do medical admin for as long as they are still at school and still under my roof. If you are concerned that you'd DD is not ready to take full responsibility, I'd suggest that as first line you just carry on as you have through the mid-teen years. Chances are she won't even notice/care that she could exclude you if she wished.

I hear your fears and anxieties loud and clear Coffee. I suffered severe mental illness throughout my teenage years, and went through a number of long inpatient hospital stays. I was in the Priory over my 16th birthday, and discharged myself a few days after because I hated it (other hospitals were actually much better, I just hated that ones. They were terrrible) I’m sure my DM felt just the way you did but didn’t voice it to me.

Having a say over my care actually really helped me. I realised I wanted to choose to get better. I was also very aware that if I refused care there was a potential to be sectioned which I really wanted to avoid, it can make life in the future harder to have that on your record. I’ll admit there were times I didn’t think I’d live long enough for it it to matter, but it did stay in my mind and I managed to avoid being sectioned. I’m now 30 and have been very well and functioning for about 5 years, no signs of illness returning.

I would talk to your daughter and say you respect her as an adult but want to help her with her care, and will do whatever she needs you to do help (rides to hospitals, help with self care, whatever) generally this approach is more helpful but in know it feels hard to let go. Make sure she understands she can be sectioned if she deteriorates and refuses treatment, and what that means.

Good luck to you both

I think it totally depends on the 16 year old.

Treatment is more successful for any condition if the person thinks it was their idea to get treatment & that the treatment should work.

The opposite is true... you can't get her successful treatment if she doesn't want it in first place.

To me this is about giving her responsibility but in meantime convincing her that mental illness (she has, I assume she has something or OP wouldn't mention it??) should be taken care of as responsibly as she would any other health problem.

When dd got to 16, I stopped attending with her - I’d be in the waiting room, but not in the consultation. She’d come out and we’d go home together.

At first, she didn’t really want to talk to me about what the doc said, but after a while - maybe 6months, or perhaps a year? - she would discuss everything with me again as we had before she was 16, only now it was she discussing with me, instead of me discussing with her. Small, subtle difference but fairly major.

What does your dd actually want to do?

She wants to have control over her medical appointmentments and says the first thing she’s going to do is drop the mental health support she’s getting . She’s not in a good place mentally , I fear she will only get worse

I don't think you get a choice do you? DD's CAHMS appointments are all arranged by her, mail is addressed to her and there is no requirement that I am there apart from one session to give background information. She was asked if I was allowed to take phone messages on her behalf or if she preferred that they just phoned her mobile.

Why does she want to drop the mental health support --

... doesn't really think she's ill
.... treatment makes her illness worse
... treatment is painful (emotionally)
... doesn't think the treatment will ever help
... feels stigmatised by the treatment
or?

Doesn't sound like I'd be signing those forms, either. I'd be working on which of above beliefs might be faulty.

She doesn’t see how unwell she is . It’s all normal to her

I'm a hcp and almost all teenage boys attend with a parent and a lot of girls do.
Most 16 year olds are grateful for a degree of support from their parents but not to have the parent making decisions for them. This is how it should be. It must be terribly difficult when you can see that a decision that they are making might be harmful to them but it really is your child's life. Most teenagers take risks , some of which are life threatening, smokin, drinking, drugs, casual sex etc They are also impulsive by nature which is stressful to live with.
No treatment is successful without the cooperation of the patient , so if your child is not deemed to have lost a grip on reality and is thus competent to make decisions you have to let them do so and in general that will be the most likely course to a good outcome.

Disagreeing with diagnosis is very common for all illness, and especially mental health problems.

What could work is to find young people (max. age 19) who have had similar diagnosis and are now better. Someone she can talk to face to face. Needs that peer-reinforcement to make her see how much she could be missing out.

So yikes it is assumed that it is ok for a 16yo, who isn’t considered adult enough in a lot of different matters to be able to take any decisions (like voting that doesn’t put their health at risk), for that 16yo tontake decisions thatnwill fuck up their life and health. Is that right?
And no one has any issue with it at all? Doesn’t loose sleep when a just turned 16yo stops any treatment for MH or anything else for that matter and put themselves in danger?
So I assume, we should also let 16yo buy alcohol or cigarettes or drugs because after all they can decide for themselves if it’s dangerous not?
But we don’t do we?
Because we assume they can’t actually take decisions as they are not adults enough

But realistically, what do you think you can do if you maintain some control? Make her attend appointments? Make her take medication?

How would you do that?

Even if you physically dragged her to an appointment or had people come round to see her, can you make her engage? Can you make her talk to them? Can you stop her leaving if she wants to?

It reads like you want people to have no true autonomy until the day they turn 18, Raging. And then full blown everything anything goes at once.

OP is losing sleep over this, I'll wager. One way or the other, she doesn't have great choices.

Raging - there are laws against selling cigarettes or alcohol to 16 year olds.

That doesn't mean they don't buy them or get them from a friend. And as for drugs, they're illegal for anyone to sell but 16 year olds get hold of them the same as 26 year olds do.

I had no idea that kids signed anything.

I thought that they just started to make appointments & going by themselves.

Are you currently in a position to be able to talk to her MH team/support about her wish to drop that support? Sounds like she's not in the right headspace to be dropping it, and I think YANBU under those circumstances, but if you are able to talk to the professionals about it, it might help with the situation.
Sounds like talking to your DD isn't going to help at the moment :(

Maybe the mental health support is not the right thing for her? Not everything that is offered is actually helpful.