To say something to gymnastics people

[writingsonthewall]

Ok, I may be being totally ridiculous here but I feel so sad for my dd so if I am that’s fair enough and I’ll take it on the chin.

My dd, year 5, does recreational gymnastics, 1 hour a week. She’s done it in and off for years, really enjoys it and I know she’d love to be in a squad but in fairness she’s not that good and has never been asked and that ship has long since sailed, which she’s fine with.

Her gym club do a competition each year which everyone can join in, the Rec people and the squad people. They spilt them up into school years & either rec or squad so some groups were bigger than others. Her group had 7 in it, but a couple of the groups had only 3 in.

They did a floor routine and then vault and beam. For each of those there was a gold, a silver and a bronze medal so a total of 9 medals in each group, then a trophy for the overall winner of each group.

For the small groups it was a farce, the groups with only 3 in, they all got three medals of varying colours. There was one rec year that had 1 girl in it, so she won 3 gold medals!

In my daughters group everyone got at least one medal, except well you probably know what’s coming..my dd

Across the entire club, which was approx 30 girls I’d say, my dd was the only one not to get a single medal.

I sat there watching them give them all out, watching my dd face get sadder and sadder. When they’d finished and she came over to me she burst into tears. I comforted her as best I could but was pretty cross about what I’d seen.

She cried all the way home and more when we got home.

This was a few days ago now and she seems to have bounced back so all good but I’m still so cross. I absolutely can cope with her getting no medals, that’s fine, it was the fact she was the only one.

For some of them, they had draws for some of the places so for example 2 in silver place or even 3 in bronze place so it really wouldn’t have killed them to tag on an extra bronze in one of the categories and then she wouldn’t have been taking a medal away from anyone else.

Or they could have bunched some of the groups together so they were all a decent size so there were other people without a medal.

Am I being unreasonable? She’s 9 years old and it was so bloody harsh.

I haven’t said anything, I don’t know any of the coaches and don’t want to come across as sour grapes cos she didn’t win anything.

Normally I'm very much 'it sucks when you don't win but competitions are competitions'.

However, the fact they aren't even doing proper single medals makes it really rubbish.

Either do competitions properly or do the 'everyonr wins' set up. Don't claim it's the first and then exclude a child.

I would've been after blood from the time she cried all the way home. Cruel fuckers

No, YANBU. That is awful. My DDs do gymnastics. The club does selective stuff at a high level and also does recreational level. Sounds similar to what you describe.

The difference is in their recreational competitions absolutely everyone gets a medal. No exceptions. Massive emphasis on it being a learning experience and having fun. (They make it clear that the highly competitive stuff is not necessarily like that.) I would speak to the club. And take her out for ice cream .

It may sound harsh, but... it was a competition, and she didn't win. They can't make her be a certain standard.
Don't enter her into competitive sport if neither of you can handle not winning.

Maisy said it better than me. It should be one or the other type of competition.

Some clubs have a welfare rep and I would be raising this with them and the coaches.

YABU. If she wasn’t the best, second best or third best in any of her events, she shouldn’t win. Whether it’s at the “expense” of someone else or not! I personally wouldn’t allow a five year old to compete anyway, as they would be upset by not winning. If she enjoys gymnastics that’s great and is to be encouraged, but why you’d set her up for a fall at such a young age, when you admit she’s not great at it, I’ve no idea

But crochetbelle they gave medals to 29'out of 30 girls. It wasn't a competition.

Thanks all.

CrochetBelle - think I was pretty clear we can both handle her not winning

@crochetbelle

That's a little harsh. How would you feel if your child was the only on out of that many to not get one?

I'd have been absolutely heartbroken for either of my daughters!

It doesn't sound like it was a fair set up to begin with!

She’s 9

Your poor DD!

I probably wouldn't say anything if you don't know the coaches etc. I'd definitely keep an eye on how others are towards her during classes just to make sure it's not brought up.

It sounds like a bit of a farce. This is the sort of thing that puts young girls off being active.

It's very sad she didn't get a medal. I'm sure she was amazing

I danced until I was about 15 and rarely won stuff. Gave up when I realised boobs were not going to win any dancing prizes. I've learnt that I'm better at other stuff. And I have won other thing since (came 1st recently in a triathlon - only a local one mind but still)

Not everyone can win or get a medal. It's part of life. If we bring our kids up thinking they will always get a medal how does that teach them resilience, and the skills then to improve develop and improve?

So maybe this little setback will encourage her to work harder next time xx

Argh they were utterly thoughtless and stupid to do this

I would recommend you find an all star cheer squad near you if you can, all about teamwork

YANBU but see this as I good learning opportunity for your DD. There is a time in life when one is the worst/last/only one not to do something out of one's peers and that's fine. I'm glad to hear that she's getting over it.

Apologies, I read age 5 not year 5!

Is it possible it was an error and they didn’t realise she had been left out?

Sounds like my daughters gym.. I pulled her out money grabbing twats

However, the fact they aren't even doing proper single medals makes it really rubbish

Presumably the kids who got joint third or whatever had the same scores though so it would be difficult to decide who actually got the real third place. (There is a way in competitive gymnastics but it assumes a particular number of judges and if the competition is anything like ours there will only be one judge doing their best. And at recreational gym level there often isn’t a lot between them as they all do a “perfectly adequate but not perfect handstand”.)

It sounds like the problem is that some groups were bigger than others but that was because were lots of recreational 9 year olds but only 1 recreational 13 year old or whatever?

Are the groups fixed each year? Ie is there always an Under 8s, Under 10s, Under 12s etc. Or is it made up each time. If made up this time then that was pretty silly. But if always the same then I think it is reasonable to keep the groupings. And they were probably too busy trying to run the competition to have time to think about who had and hadn’t got a medal in each category.

To a certain extent if you are going to compete in sport you do have to accept that someone is going to come last and that that someone maybe you.

I could have written this post, my 10yr old DD is the same. I stopped her from entering the competitions as it really upset her. She's a sturdy tall child and not the type of build that is selected for the squad but still enjoys flinging herself about. We just treat it as an activity on a Saturday morning and we don't put any more thought into it.

Sounds like it was bad luck more than anything? Bad luck she was in a bigger group?

I imagine no one was tracking exactly who was winning what so it wasn't obvious til right at the end that she was the only one not to win - then it was too late to engineer her winning something.

That would have broken me. YANBU.

They probably did it by accident and didn't realise everyone else had a medal.

It was fair enough for her to be upset, and good that she's getting over it. Not a big deal though. She will win something another time

My DD 7 does rhythmic gym recreationally, like yours she's not brill but loves it. 2 hours once a week since she was 5.

Her club have a comp squad but they also all compete in Gymstradas arounnd the region and country which are non-competitive, more of a showcase really, everyone gets a medal.

Shocking! My 9 year old is in a club and they do a competition where everyone gets a certificate with ribbons on it and a cup at the end of year party!

Complain LOUDLY!

I'm with you OP. If they had groups of 3 and each child got a medal in those groups, then it is hardly a fair competition. I'd be complaining at this, it was so thoughtless and cruel.