To say something to gymnastics people

[writingsonthewall]

Ok, I may be being totally ridiculous here but I feel so sad for my dd so if I am that’s fair enough and I’ll take it on the chin.

My dd, year 5, does recreational gymnastics, 1 hour a week. She’s done it in and off for years, really enjoys it and I know she’d love to be in a squad but in fairness she’s not that good and has never been asked and that ship has long since sailed, which she’s fine with.

Her gym club do a competition each year which everyone can join in, the Rec people and the squad people. They spilt them up into school years & either rec or squad so some groups were bigger than others. Her group had 7 in it, but a couple of the groups had only 3 in.

They did a floor routine and then vault and beam. For each of those there was a gold, a silver and a bronze medal so a total of 9 medals in each group, then a trophy for the overall winner of each group.

For the small groups it was a farce, the groups with only 3 in, they all got three medals of varying colours. There was one rec year that had 1 girl in it, so she won 3 gold medals!

In my daughters group everyone got at least one medal, except well you probably know what’s coming..my dd

Across the entire club, which was approx 30 girls I’d say, my dd was the only one not to get a single medal.

I sat there watching them give them all out, watching my dd face get sadder and sadder. When they’d finished and she came over to me she burst into tears. I comforted her as best I could but was pretty cross about what I’d seen.

She cried all the way home and more when we got home.

This was a few days ago now and she seems to have bounced back so all good but I’m still so cross. I absolutely can cope with her getting no medals, that’s fine, it was the fact she was the only one.

For some of them, they had draws for some of the places so for example 2 in silver place or even 3 in bronze place so it really wouldn’t have killed them to tag on an extra bronze in one of the categories and then she wouldn’t have been taking a medal away from anyone else.

Or they could have bunched some of the groups together so they were all a decent size so there were other people without a medal.

Am I being unreasonable? She’s 9 years old and it was so bloody harsh.

I haven’t said anything, I don’t know any of the coaches and don’t want to come across as sour grapes cos she didn’t win anything.

I don't understand how these fuckwits manage to operate day to day. Surely any idiot can work out you don't give medals to 29 out of 30 children?

I run a badminton club in my spare time and am seriously low on things like empathy and people skills and I would never EVER do something like that.

Aw, OP, I've got a little girl and my heart broke a bit for yours reading your post. That's really thoughtless of them, what a horrid thing to do. I'd definitely pick it up with them - someone very clearly hadn't done the maths or wasn't thinking. They must have looked around the room at the end and realised there was only one child without a medal. I'm really cross and upset on your behalf. Hope your DD is ok now. Maybe they could tell her they made a mistake and give her a bronze medal or something?

Poor thing, your story makes me feel like crying. I can imagine this happening to my little girl (not the best gymnast either, but very sweet, enthusiastic and eager for praise/approval)

I would write a letter/email so you can articulate how this has made you both feel so you don't have to feel comfrontational/flustered. Hope she's OK

My DD’s gym class is doing a “fun” competition a week before Christmas with the top 3 gymnasts in each group getting w medal. Absolutely no bloody way is she going. I know she’s the least able in her group, there’s no way she’d get a medal and she’d be devastated.
Your poor DD I think you should have said something on the day as they may not have realised she was the only one without a medal. Sounds like a total farce. Could you say something to her coach at her next session?

It’s not just about your daughter not getting anything ( although that is the most shit) what did they teach the child that was in a group on her own? She won all the medals just for turning up? On the face of it that’s ok- she got medals, but does she feel good about it or did she go home thinking she only won because nobody else was there? That’s not great for a kids self esteem either. It sounds like they need a serious rethink on how they organise these events.

Sadly it’s the reality of gymnastics. This happens in actual “proper” competitions too- age range and ability ranges can mean a girl can win gold just for turning up. Often boys do win medals just for turning up as there aren’t many boys.
I would have a word with the club as they should consider what they could do next time to avoid this again or similar. But it isn’t unfair as such.

Definitely say something to one of the coaches. You don't need to sound like you're criticising them. You could just say 'I wonder if in the next competition DD might be more likely to win something. I'm a bit concerned as last time she was the only one who didn't get one, was quite crushed. I might need to manage her expectations.' If they didn't realise they can rectify it as they should. If they talk about competition etc, sport, or get defensive I'd try another gym I'd move her to another club. A nine year old doesn't need to feel like that!!

EXACTLY the same thing happened to my DD when she was about 8. It was so horrible, She was in a group of 7. All the kids in the groups of 3 could barely stand up for the medals and out of about 30 kids 2 of them got nothing. She didn’t hold it together and started to cry during the medal ceremony which went on and on. It was completely mortifying as all the kids were sat in a line facing the parents. She bounced back pretty unscathed but it’s scarred me!
We did leave not too long afterwards because she came out upset as the coach had hurt her pushing her into splits. They were very old school and shouty. She had a few years off and now at 12 she has gone back into a much friendlier gym for just recreational classes.

I felt sad for her just reading your post :( I would have to say something if I were in your position, OP.

It's one thing for 10/30 kids to win medals, but quite another for 29/30 kids to win medals and 1 to get left out. It's just cruel.

I would speak to the gymnasium, not to complain, but to make them aware of what happened. Next session I'd just ask to speak to the teacher and mention that DD was the only one who won nothing, and whilst you know that not everyone can win all the awards all of the time, being the only child to win nothing was really demoralising when she had tried her hardest and lost out purely because of group numbers.

It's one thing to say "Not everyone will win something every time" and a totally different thing to have a group of 30 girls where 29 girls win medals (some of them more than one) and one girl wins absolutely nothing.

Obviously at professional competition level this is always a possibility but that was not the case here - this was supposed to be a fun competition at her club to encourage participation but it sounds very badly organized if there are groups where only one child is competing and winning everything (against herself) and so getting no real competition experience and other groups where some girls might perform just as well as the lone child but get nothing because of the size of their group.

It's the same principle of not excluding one child from a whole class party, even if your child doesn't like them, it's not nice to exclude just one child, especially when it's done blatantly in front of them.

Your poor dd!

My 9 year old doesn't dancing 2.5 hours a week recreationally. It's just for fun and she's only in a few pantomime dances this year, well because she's not as good as the others.

I think it's very cruel what they did. Could you go somewhere else?

Sounds like they have followed the format of competitive gymnastics where they compete in age groups. It's not unusual for some groups to have a large number of competitors and others to have only one or two. If squad members were also involved it may explain why they followed that route.

I second RandomMess's suggestion to try cheerleading - the team aspect makes it much more fun and friends/peer groups aren't pitted against each other under the guise of a friendly intraclub competition.

I did quite high level gymnastics from 4-16 and it's cut throat, even when it is lower level. There has been a lot of times we would have inter-club competitions and I didn't get a medal but a lot of others did, and it does suck, and I cried and was upset, but it pushed me to get better and practise / strength condition more. And I got over it within a few hours / days.

It sounds like it was just unfortunate and your daughter wasn't quite good enough to get a medal sadly. If there were a lot of children competing the judges / club may not have realised she was the only one not to get a medal, and yes there are often joint point scores so this is completely feasible. That being said, if the coach saw she was upset, she should have comforted her and made a fuss.

I do say, I hate this "everyone gets a medal just for competing" bullshit but it also sounds like she's got a bloody good spirit and should have been at least praised by her coach / team.

Fingers crossed she gets a medal at her next competition OP. Oh and her littler friend who made her a medal sounds adorable and I hope they stay friends forever!

Yanbu. I recently had the misfortune to sit through attended a gym championship thing, and everyone got a medal of some sort. Seems awfully mean to leave one child without one.

If only a select few had won, then fine - but one child not getting one - badly planned.

Part of taking part in sporting events is losing graciously. Even if you are the only one who doesn't get a medal! If this puts her off doing gymnastics then she's not doing it for the right reasons.

Presumably the organizers didn't know ahead of time who was going to get what score in each event. So the suggestion that they should have 'engineered' it somehow to make sure everyone won a medal is just absurd.

I can see where you are coming from,but each piece is its own competition.in a group of 7 there are going to be 4 who don't medal on each piece.is it not unfair to the girl who came third to deprive her of it if she did considerably better than your kid?

Why don't you just buy her a medal if it's that important? That would have about as much meaning as being given a 'rigged' one at a phoney competition.

I agree it's unacceptable.
But I would speak to her gym teacher, not to complain but to explain how badly her confidence has been knocked and can teacher be very careful to build up her confidence again and give dd some positive encouragement as to how to do better next time.

The judges wouldn't have known ahead of time that your DC would be the only one not to get a medal.They have put the kids in small groups to mske sure they all have a good chance but judging has specific deductions for specific errors which you record as they go along.It is not something decided retrospectively.i dont think they should fiddle the scores .I think at 9 she is old enough to understand

I actually don't think the club are to blame here.
Most sport competitions are split by age group, that's fair enough.
They can't control who enters out of each age group, that's just luck of the draw.
It's a shame for your dd, but to claim they deliberately excluded one as some posters have said, is just nonsense.

That's awful op. Dd used to go to a very competitive gymnastics club that produced a few Olympic medalists. They would have these kind of competitions and everyone took a medal home whether it was for their performance, attending all the sessions, being most improved etc. To leave one out is awful. If only the best few get medals that's one thing but I can only imagine they were attempting to have everyone get a medal and they've missed your dd by mistake. I'd definitely say something.

I would definitely say something, or else there is a possibility it will happen again as they sound pretty clueless about children's confidence and self esteem (really not good for people who run a children's activity). melj's post above put this well - I would take most of that as your script for what to say to them.

At the very least, they ought to be able to lift her spirits more effectively at the end. I did a different activity as a child but I remember having a great teacher who didn't patronise me by telling me I was the best when I wasn't, but did encourage and inspire me to keep going. They sound singularly crap at that and your DD deserves better.

Poor her. I have a DD of similar age who is a 'recreational plus' type gymnast at a club that trains up to Olympic level.

Agree with all that's been said about the difference between types of competition. DD is not usually a winner at the few external competitions she's attended and that's been fine - point of a competition really, although I've been a bit sad for her.

Internal competition designed to be fun and encourage participation, really unkind and counter productive to end up in a situation where only one child gets nothing. Either design it so only smallish numbers will actually medal (and give the rest a certificate of participation etc) or make sure everyone comes away with something.

I agree with you that if they announced all the results at the end, they could have done a quick review, realised your DD was the only one to miss out and cooked up a joint bronze or fourth place ribbon or something. I don't think it would have brought gymnastics into disrepute

Glad she is bouncing back though and the most important thing is that she continues to enjoy her gym.