To say something to gymnastics people

[writingsonthewall]

Ok, I may be being totally ridiculous here but I feel so sad for my dd so if I am that’s fair enough and I’ll take it on the chin.

My dd, year 5, does recreational gymnastics, 1 hour a week. She’s done it in and off for years, really enjoys it and I know she’d love to be in a squad but in fairness she’s not that good and has never been asked and that ship has long since sailed, which she’s fine with.

Her gym club do a competition each year which everyone can join in, the Rec people and the squad people. They spilt them up into school years & either rec or squad so some groups were bigger than others. Her group had 7 in it, but a couple of the groups had only 3 in.

They did a floor routine and then vault and beam. For each of those there was a gold, a silver and a bronze medal so a total of 9 medals in each group, then a trophy for the overall winner of each group.

For the small groups it was a farce, the groups with only 3 in, they all got three medals of varying colours. There was one rec year that had 1 girl in it, so she won 3 gold medals!

In my daughters group everyone got at least one medal, except well you probably know what’s coming..my dd

Across the entire club, which was approx 30 girls I’d say, my dd was the only one not to get a single medal.

I sat there watching them give them all out, watching my dd face get sadder and sadder. When they’d finished and she came over to me she burst into tears. I comforted her as best I could but was pretty cross about what I’d seen.

She cried all the way home and more when we got home.

This was a few days ago now and she seems to have bounced back so all good but I’m still so cross. I absolutely can cope with her getting no medals, that’s fine, it was the fact she was the only one.

For some of them, they had draws for some of the places so for example 2 in silver place or even 3 in bronze place so it really wouldn’t have killed them to tag on an extra bronze in one of the categories and then she wouldn’t have been taking a medal away from anyone else.

Or they could have bunched some of the groups together so they were all a decent size so there were other people without a medal.

Am I being unreasonable? She’s 9 years old and it was so bloody harsh.

I haven’t said anything, I don’t know any of the coaches and don’t want to come across as sour grapes cos she didn’t win anything.

It may sound harsh, but... it was a competition, and she didn't win.

It self-evidently wasn't a competition if some prizes were awarded on the basis of draws and others could be won simply by virtue of being the only person in the group.

I'd suggest you check with the class whether they actually meant to ensure that everyone got a prize and this was an accident. If it wasn't, point out precisely how cruel it was and ask how they justify it.

It's done on points so she just missed out on points. I remember my dd being the one one of her small group not on podium - hard but just the way it is sometimes. The competitions can be quite stressful! she sounds like she's amazing and has it all in proportion, good for her.

I would also be flagging it up because if it is an error or they weren’t tracking who got what then that needs to be flagged up for next time. There are multiple judges and also people at the event my DDs do for this exact purpose - specifically to keep an eye on scores and ensure that no one goes without. Sorry to keep posting but I am so annoyed on your DDs’ behalf.

I can’t say it would never happen at the club we go to but I am sure if it did it would only happen the once - they would be appalled and hugely apologetic.

Definitely raise it with them. Not everyone has to won everything every time but to leave out 1?!

Not Faversham gym by any chance is it? Cos they used to do this every blimming year when my DDs were small.

I would raise it with them. What’s happened can’t be undone but at least if makes them think about how they run future competitions it is worth it. Leaving one child out is pretty crap. Remember that you are paying for this!

YANBU - this is just cruel. So glad that my kids were never interested in gymnastics: it seems far more cut throat than other clubs and activities.

YANBU. this was poorly organised and unkind. Your poor dd. I’d certainly raise it, as pp have said, you are paying for this!

YANBU. Your poor daughter. I’d be furious. How thoughtless of them!

That's really, really poor to give medals to 29 out of 30 girls, and so many group's were 'rigged' with 3 or less girls so they'd win lots of medals.

Welfare officer.

I have no doubt they're still happily depositing your fees into their bank account for her classes ... and they couldn't see how very wrong this was?1? I'm shocked on your behalf. Your poor girl.

Thanks everyone, pretty much unanimously my views which is good to know I’m not being a complete prat over it.

She’s a good kid and is ok now but she doesn’t have hugely high self esteem anyway and I could see her little hopeful face when they started the awards

I do think it may have been a mistake or at best bad luck. At the end when she was crying and I was hugging her, the lead coach came over and said like “oooh are you ok” or something like that to my dd. She said yes (tearfully) and coach said “are you doing x competition?” which is another inter-club one soon. My dd said “yes”. I said “hopefully she won’t be the only one without a medal there” and she replied but I can’t recall exactly what. It was kind of a mumble, like a nervous laugh and yeah.

So I guess I have kind of said something already and will prob end up leaving it at that. If it was a mistake then they have obviously noticed. If it wasnt then still feels unnecessarily cruel to me. I would like to discourage her from doing the other competition but I know she’ll want to do it.

I think I’m more upset than her now anyway so that’s good!

YADNBU OP .
This absolutely stinks I am so sorry my dear
I think you should say something to them
It is too late for your DD but it may stop another little one being upset again!

I would complain. If she were in a group of 3 she would have got 3 medals then?
That's not on.

I work in a competitive sport & I would say you should bring it up. I organise proper & fun competitions - if it’s a fun competition I organise the groups to make sure nithing like this happens ( it’s a lot of kids that need organising) I would hate the thought of a young child going home upset from something that’s supposed to be fun & enjoyable.
The children playing at a more competitive level know that they won’t all win every time and they have to learn to deal with that but not in a fun event.

It’s not faversham no.

And yes the results were sent out and the ones that drew apparently had the same points. It did look as if the coaches and judges were under pressure on the day in fairness so yes I guess just bad luck. She’s just so lovely and it seemed so cruel.

Her School friend that goes to the same club was there and won a medal (she’s in the squad so different group) made her a medal and took it to school yesterday which I thought was v sweet.

Op, the coaches & judges should have been better prepared & the groups should have been organised more fairly - I pressure thus is something you pay for your Dd to attend?

My 7 yo dd is in a gymnastics group and my experience is that they are shockingly badly organised. I would absolutely complain, poor organisation has lead to your dd being left out, the only one! I would do bloody murder!

Yes I paid for this which feels pretty horrendous.

I suppose I am just worried that if I bring it up the response will be that it was marked fairly and she just didn’t get the required points which will make me feel a bit stupid and precious. But yes you’ve given me confidence that the group of 1(!) and two groups of 3 kind of kill their argument over a competitive scenario

This is awful. Complain.

They're grouped by age/category. It was your dd's misfortune to be in a larger group.

Honestly op, if this happened where I work heads would roll ( it’s a different sport but still kids)
The idea of after school activities is for children to be enthusiastic about the thing they are doing, children should learn from their classes and get a love for their sport - how are they achieving that?
You don’t need to go in guns blazing but ask for an explanation of exactly how the groupings cane about and ask them to consider how your daughter felt as the only child not to win anything

My DD does recreational gymnastics and every competitor in the club competition gets a medal for competing on the day. No one leaves the club empty handed. They also do a 1st - 3rd on the individual pieces of equipment so they can award the gymnasts who perform the best on the day. That seems fair.
What your club did doesn't seem fair at all. I think your DD's friend was lovely to have made her a medal. Please do mention it to the coach in your club as they may not have been aware that your DD wasn't recognised for a medal on the day of competition. I wouldn't let this one sit at all. They have to be able to fix this so no child, no gymnast is left behind.

My concern would be that the same thing may happen in the next competition your DD does - I would be speaking to the coaches now to ensure it does not.

And, yes, the idea is sport for all - I’d be asking them their policy on this. There is a clear distinction between this and competitive squad competitions.