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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too young to be a mum?!

53 replies

KissesAX · 31/10/2017 14:51

Short background: I'm 21, and I look after my DNiece (9mo) a lot of days of the week. It's my DB's child. Baby's mum is 16 and is not very involved. As a result my brother has baby majority of the week so I help when he's at work meaning I'm out with her in public most days.

I've just been told by a woman on the bus 'you mums are getting younger and younger'. It bloody pisses me off. Have people of all ages not been having babies for all time? And it annoys me most it comes from the generation that were married and had babies by my age.

I don't know why people think they have the right to comment.

OP posts:
whoareyoukidding · 31/10/2017 14:52

The day you worry about what idiotic strangers say to you is the day you'll go mad. Just ignore.

user1484167681 · 31/10/2017 14:53

"Funny you say that, I find opinionated strangers are getting older and older..!" :)

RicottaPancakes · 31/10/2017 14:53

Of course you're not too young to be a mum, and yes people used to have babies much younger (on average) than now. So I don't understand why they say that either.

Original poster
KissesAX · 31/10/2017 14:55

It annoys me more than she isn't even mine. They just assume and make ridiculously insulting comments. My 18 year old brother has been refused on a bus with the baby and pram due to the judgement of some people. God knows what he gets said to him for being a young dad.

OP posts:
pinkliquorice · 31/10/2017 14:56

YANBU
I had my first at 16. Tbh I actually think mums are getting older and older these days, but I wouldnt make that comment to an older mother because its rude and none of my business.

Ttbb · 31/10/2017 15:00

I couldn't resist responding 'You old hags just get ruder and ruder.'

gillybeanz · 31/10/2017 15:01

These people forget that a few decades ago you were on the fence if you weren't married with at least one child at 21.
The only exception was if you were one of the few percent not to leave school and go to uni.

Women starting families in their mid/late twenties were older mums and those in thirties, were geriatric. If you had them in forties you were considered elderly and obviously got caught unexpectedly on the change Grin

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 31/10/2017 15:04

I've never understood why people feel the need to make these sort of comments. Unless, perhaps, you and the baby were fighting over its rattle or something

SouthernFriedChickenPlease · 31/10/2017 15:06

How old was the woman who said it? I think mums are getting older nowadays! When my mum had me in her 30s she was considered an older Mum. Now that’s the norm.

I think people just look younger nowadays. When you look at old photographs of people from years ago and you realise those 30 year olds are only 22! GrinShock

Original poster
KissesAX · 31/10/2017 15:07

Tell me about it, if I complained to my mum she's said 'people are just trying to make conversation' but seriously why are these comments even okay to say?

OP posts:
Original poster
KissesAX · 31/10/2017 15:08

I'd say she was in her 60s.

OP posts:
BackBoiler · 31/10/2017 15:11

Did the conversation then change to how BIG prams are these days....even though they had one the size of a horse and cart!

My nan always says that she shopped daily at the local butcher/baker/greengrocer so they didn't really need to catch buses all that much.

Original poster
KissesAX · 31/10/2017 15:12

Oh don't talk about prams. My DN's is huge I hate it Grin we live up 2 great big hills too with all shops at the bottom or themSad

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 31/10/2017 15:14

'you mums are getting younger and younger'

More like she's getting older and older Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/10/2017 15:15

Mums get younger and youngerHalloween Confused.
I don't know where she swiped that from. A majority ofv people are having their first babies in their 40s now.
In her day they had them young.
Why do people think they can say what the hell they like to others.
I wouldn't dream of passing a comment, because

  1. I actually have a life
.2. Its none of my business
WhatwouldAryado · 31/10/2017 15:17

It's her getting older and noticing how young people look. 😁 It starts with thinking teacher's or police are young looking.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 31/10/2017 15:19

You get judged at whatever age you become a parent. At 27 I was told I had left it a bit late Hmm
I do find it rude to say to anyone as obviously the baby is here and therefore the parent (usually) decided that keeping the baby (and not aborting or giving up for adoption) was what they wanted to do

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/10/2017 15:20

YY Aryadoo.
I remember when I was a kid and I all my teachers looked about 90 years old. There was one in particular and she looked about 3,000 years oldHalloween Grin.
Now they're all young and fresh looking.

peachy94 · 31/10/2017 15:21

This is the kind of thing is what made me to scared to go to any baby groups with my 1st. I was 19 in a stable relationship, owned a house and perfectly responsible. Hate that people think your age has anything to do with being a good parent Angry I have a younger brother and he stopped wanting to push the pushchair when we were out because he got so many awful looks

NeilTheSloth · 31/10/2017 15:22

They’re saying “mums are getting younger and younger” but what they mean is “you look quite young, you must have had unmarried sex to conceive that baby, what’s the world coming to these days, people fornicating outside marriage, in my day we did it right and got married young and then it didn’t matter if we had babies young, it was all above board!”

Load of codswallop implying you have to be married to have sex or have a baby, but that’s what they’re really saying, the type of people to make those comments. Never mind the fact her friend Betty next door had a 9lb baby 2 months premature, 7 months after getting married...

MrsJayy · 31/10/2017 15:23

I had my baby at 21 nearly 25years ago randoms were saying that then it is just rude but they think they can tut and tsk as if it is huge scandal.

ProperLavs · 31/10/2017 15:23

Actually people used to have their babies much earlier centuries ago because they would most likely be dead by 30.

Evelynismyspyname · 31/10/2017 15:27

My DH's grandmother (who is now nearly 90) had her first child at 16. She was married and had two more children before she was 20. She was alone for months at a time looking after them too, because her husband worked away on cargo ships.

Statistically of course mothers are older on average when they have their first baby than ever before.

TheLegendOfBeans · 31/10/2017 15:30

Here’s my tuppence worth:

I wish that schoools would teach self worth education to both sexes and that it would actually be understood, acted upon and used.

Why?

I envy the people in their twenties who have their shit together enough to have a steady relationship and decent enough earnings to have a baby and start their family wayyyyy earlier than I did.

IME - and I do not speak for everyone - if my contemporaries had had the gumption to know when to recognise certain things are not acceptable from the opposite sex, or could assert themselves better at work, or had a clearer view of what they wanted from life and the support to make it a reality as opposed to going down dead ends and taking years to undo bad decisions then some would not be facing the heartbreak of being unable to conceive thanks to problems directly attributed to trying for a baby north of 35.

I wish I had the assertive outlook at 25 that I have now as I wouldn’t be trying to pop out 4 babies in 5 years before I hit my (self imposed) limit of not hanging any children after 41*.

Anyway, verbal diahorrea over x

*people in my family die early. I’m not suggesting to have a baby at 41+ is a bad thing

TheLegendOfBeans · 31/10/2017 15:30

-having any children!

(Christ, what a typo)