Too young to be a mum?!

[KissesAX]

Short background: I'm 21, and I look after my DNiece (9mo) a lot of days of the week. It's my DB's child. Baby's mum is 16 and is not very involved. As a result my brother has baby majority of the week so I help when he's at work meaning I'm out with her in public most days.

I've just been told by a woman on the bus 'you mums are getting younger and younger'. It bloody pisses me off. Have people of all ages not been having babies for all time? And it annoys me most it comes from the generation that were married and had babies by my age.

I don't know why people think they have the right to comment.

[MrsJayy]

At the other end of the scale years ago a neighbour of mine had a baby at 42 she was the talk of the street i don't know what the neighbours were more shocked at the baby or the fact the mum was still having sex . Old lady who lived next door to me said oh she is too old for that carry on

[Coconutspongexo]

I was told I'd ruined my life when I took my son out about 2 weeks after giving birth the woman behind the till assumed I was much younger - I was 25!

People have word vomit.

[catslife]

I would tell them that you're the baby's nanny not the mother.

[MrsJayy]

My mum is in her 60s i was 1 of those premature babies a pp was talking about mum was still a teenager

[BackBoiler]

Never mind the fact her friend Betty next door had a 9lb baby 2 months premature, 7 months after getting married...

If I had a drink this would be spat out at my computer screen reading this.

[TerrifyingFeistyCupcake]

I think what she was really saying is that people in general look younger and younger to her, because she's getting older. Everyone's getting younger and younger to her, but being a mother means she can't mentally peg someone as a child. It's meaningless babble, basically.

[HaudYerWheeshtBawbag]

Personally I do think 21 is too young to have a child, for multiple reasons, however understand individual circumstances also need to be taken into consideration.

Also OP, people have opinions on everything, the woman was making a rude mannered generalisation, and it’s just one I’d put in the “don’t give a crap” bucket.

[MrsJayy]

I do think as you age they look younger i have to remember my child is a grown up woman with a job and everything

[puremince]

An old woman had a go at me for wasting my life by dropping out of school to have a baby. I assume she'd mistaken me for someone else because I was 30 at the time, married, with a career and a mortgage. I was feeling haggard with lack of sleep, so quite pleased to be mistaken for a 15 year old! Or perhaps her eyesight was poor.

[Jaxhog]

I thought mums were getting older and older!

Although I do think getting pregnant at 15 is too young if she isn't engaged in caring for said infant. Bit rude to make a passing comment to you on the bus though.

[Nancy91]

They don't know how old you are, tell them you're 42, you just moisturise.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Not that it's anybody's business how old you are or whose baby it is, but can't you just shrug and say 'I'm the nanny'?

[KissesAX]

I don't need to say I'm the nanny. I tell them she's my DN. It bothers me more because her parents are younger than me. So it makes my blood boil the comments my DB must get when he's a full time single parent to his DD at 18, handling it better than most parents I know but his confidence must get knocked so much by comments like these.

[TriJo]

I'm 33 and expecting my second (DS is 19 months) - by the standards of my mum's generation of working class Dubs I'm absolutely ancient having my first and I'm a truly odd one for breastfeeding my son until after his first birthday. My mum was 21 when I was born and that was very normal back then. Her mother had 5 by age 27.

[sailorcherries]

Mums are getting older, however I had my first at 17 and my second at 24 (which I am now). I probably look younger due to not wearing a lot of makeup/being too chunky to fit in to most of my clothes bar jeans ans jumpers.

Yesterday at soft play I got told that I couldn't go in to the younger bit with 5mo and 7yo (who only wanted to sit with his brother for 5 minutes before we left). Nice helpful girl told me that "only one of us could babysit the baby". When I politely told her that I was both boys mum (7yo looks about 11/12) and I was supervising my children together, as the 7yo can't excatly care for a baby alone, her face practically imploded from the embarrassment.

[BlueberryButtons]

NeilTheSloth had it spot on
Btw Juliet’s mum was 13 when she had her, should we remove Shakespeare from school curriculum as bad influence? It seems mothers ARE older these days, even compared to the times that silly woman was young.
Also made me think of this joke
28 year old in 2017: i’m not ready for relationship
28 year old in 1617: i’ve got 11 kids
28 year old in 1017: the end is near, i’ve had a good life
—cringes at self and embarrassed at telling bad jokes—

[Pennywhistle]

Kisses people are rude. Some people are really, really rude.

It’s them, not you.

Added to which some people think that anyone (of any age) pregnant or pushing a pram is fair game for whatever nonsense they are spouting.

One two separate occasions I was berated for being pregnant and unmarried. When I pointed out that I was married but that my hands were too swollen for my wedding ring they were both really quite put out.

One woman told me I was a terrible nanny and what would the children’s mother think if she saw me sitting reading a book in the park while the babies slept. She was furious when I told her I was their Mum.

On at least 5 separate occasions I was told “you’re soooo massive are you sure it’s not twins?” Without exception they were annoyed when I said “yes, it is twins” so clearly their intention was to offend.

I’ve been told off for having them on reins.

I’ve been told off for having children “that age” in a buggy (they were 2yo but tall) That lady was hugely indignant when I corrected her assumption that they were 4yo.

I’ve even been told off because I told my 3 year old DD not to touch wine bottles in a shop!

People are weird Kisses. If it hadn’t been your age, it would have been something else.

Don’t let it upset you you would like a lovely aunt and sister.

[Pinkbedsheets]

I think people should mind their own business. I’m a young mum so go through it personally, absolutely hate it. Although, I try not too care what people think, I know my DD has everything she needs, she’s well taken care of and she’s a happy child. It’s hard enough being a Mum without all the judgement on top of that.

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

There was a story in our local paper a while back where a 15 year old mother with her babe in arms wasn't allowed on the bus for half fare. Full fare is supposed to be for over 16s but the driver decided that letting her on for half and the baby for free (babes and todlers are free - up until they are 5 irrc) wasn't going to happen.
The mum didn't have enough money on her and would have had to carry her baby for about 3 miles if another passenger hadn't paid her extra fare.
People judge all the damn time! I was classed as a "teenager mother" when I had my pfb (and treated pretty shabbily) even though I was 19 (20 before he was born), married and had my own home, and then was put down as a "geriatric pregnancy" (I kid you not!) when I had my last baby at 36!
Some people just look for something to look down on others for!
I do sometimes wonder whether, especially in areas like the south where housing and childcare are SO expensive, that lots of mothers are older, that younger mothers get "doubly judged" so to speak, just because they are a minority nowadays, simply because it takes so long for people to save up and afford a baby.

[Creampastry]

Do you not work?

[ProseccoMamam]

‘It’s fine Edna, the old judgemental, rude and disgusting old people seem to take longer to die nowadays’

[toomuchtooold]

On at least 5 separate occasions I was told “you’re soooo massive are you sure it’s not twins?”

Oh yes, this. "My god you're enormous! You're so big! Is it twins ahahaha"
"Yes. Now fuck off"

Also lots of tutting when you get on the bus with the buggy. "I don't know why they all have to have such big buggies these days." Yeah that's because there are actually two kids in there.

It's always something. I always think that it's people who have a difficult relationship with their own mothers who get triggered into feelings of intense anger when they see someone with small kids. Plus just bog standard arseholes who know that, as you're in charge of a small child, you probably won't respond to their rudeness by smacking them in the mouth

[Blackcatonthesofa]

One of my colleagues got tutted at when she was heavily pregnant for having a baby so young. She pointed out that at 37 she couldn't wait any longer or she would be too old.

[Belleoftheball8]

My mil had dh at 19 she had been married at 18 and that was the 80s. I had ds at 21 and looked very baby faced at that age even when I told people I have three kids they say I look too young but I’m 30.

[tired17]

My DH was 30 when DD was born. We were in the supermarket and I just moved out of sight when a lady came up to him and said he was too young to be looking after a baby! I laughed, over the years he would bring up the fact that he was too young to be looking after her when he didn't want to do it. Obviously I took no notice.

I think having a baby with you means people will comment whatever age you are. Just nod, smile and ignore.