Brother

[PostcodeJack]

I've just found out that my sister inlaw pays for everything in their household, including my brother's mortgage.
Background is that she put 50% down and my brother took a mortgage after his deposit. Sister in law is now paying HIS mortgage, all bills and doing the housework when she gets home. How the fuck is this fair?

It's not, but it's none of your business.

I would respectfully suggest that the way in which they arrange their household finances is their own private business.

It doesn’t sound fair but there may be other factors in play that you don’t know about.

Who told you all this?

And it isn’t really your business anyway.

She's upset and complaining to me

Purple... both my sis in law and then my brother

If you’ve talked to your brother about it, how does he justify the situation?

To be honest, you’re best not getting involved. No good can come of getting between and arguing couple, especially if you’re related to one of them.

He just says pretty much "meh". I understand the not getting involved but I'm so angry for her. My brother is amazing to me but I don't get why he thinks this is remotely acceptable

It's not fair. What can you do? Fuck all.

Is he working/earning/minding the children? What does he spend his money on (assuming he has an income)?

This situation is like a minefield in the middle of a forest fire. It is clear that you care for your SIL, but you need to stop her from complaining about her marriage to your brother to you. It is an impossible situation.

I’m not sure why you want to get involved in this?

Unless you feel SIL has been coerced into this situation....

They are married adults and it strikes me they’d be a damn site better talking about this to each other rather than you.

Sorry I don't know how to tag people. Yes. He is earning. When he wasn't I get that she stepped up. Now he is. She is saying he needs to set up a direct debit but he says she needs to ask for money

And they are bringing this to you why?

It was a chat and I honestly thought it was massively unfair on my sister in law. Just wondered whether he was unfair

We can see what you're doing here Jack. Not that dumb.

Amazing how many men are attracted to this site.

Sorry, what am I doing?

Perhaps you are not giving us the full story OP.

Honestly. We had a chat. She has said in the past that she feels everything falls on her. I just didn't realise how much. Love my brother to death but I really think he's being unfair off loading everything onto sis in law . Kind of wanted her to know she wasn't being an arse

Is she on the mortgage?

I'm guessing she has to be since the house is joint names. Which is why she'll pay because they lose house if it is not paid

I suggest you aquaint her with the phrase "Cocklodger" and a fucking good divorce lawyer.

Just read it to DH and he is disgusted with your DB and said that he should be ashamed of himself. He also agreed that your SIL should bin him off.

In my marriage, I happen to pay all of the bills - the mortgage, the sky, the internet, the phones, the utilities - but DH pays for everything else. It just worked out that way, as our bills themselves are miraculously quite low, but our regular expenditures are a bit higher, and as he makes more than I do, it's safer that way financially. Not to mention, I'm rather clumsy and scatterbrained, and I often forget my wallet, whereas he is never without his, ever. I pay for the things that can be reliably and regularly paid online, and he pays for everything when we are out of the house. It was never any kind of formal agreement, but it worked out that way and it's been what's easiest for us.

Could it be a situation like that?