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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My birthday

64 replies

newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:22

I know this is petty, but I want to know if IABU.

My husband plays rugby on Saturdays for a local side. It's my birthday coming up and it's the first time it's landed on a Saturday in the 6 years we've been together. I have said I'd like to go to a place I love for a walk with DS (3 months) and lunch in a nice pub I like. It's not a big birthday.

He's saying no because he has rugby. He's missing rugby the following week because he's going to Twickenham to watch England play. I've never asked him to miss it for me before, including training 2 nights a week.

AIBU for thinking if he can miss rugby for Twickenham he can miss it for my birthday? He had a big birthday this year and I took a day off work, took him away for a night in a swanky hotel and organised a meal out with approx 30 of his friends.

I just want him to come for a walk and lunch on my birthday! Even if he comes now it's only because i persuaded him, so he can't win now! Gahhh!

OP posts:
Original poster
newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:23

Should have said this is lighthearted- I know lots of people have a great deal more to worry about than a late-twenties woman feeling peeved on her birthday.

OP posts:
Santawontbelong · 26/10/2017 20:24

Yabu not to have lamped him one. .
Personally after such a negative response I would make plans with someone who gives a fuck about your special day.

And hope his team loses.

chipsandgin · 26/10/2017 20:24

Celebrate on the Sunday? Or have a nice meal in the evening? Wouldn't bother me at all, sorry!

missyB1 · 26/10/2017 20:26

Tell him you will never put yourself out or arrange anything nice for any more of his birthdays if he insists on being so selfish.

Allthebestnamesareused · 26/10/2017 20:26

Personally I'd go on Sunday. Does it really matter which day you have your celebration?

NerrSnerr · 26/10/2017 20:26

Can you celebrate on the Sunday?

Msqueen33 · 26/10/2017 20:26

Is he training or committed to a match? And how committed is he? I’d not be happy as it’s only a once a year thing and I’m assuming you look after your dc whilst he goes and does it normally. I think if he can make the exception of missing it to go and watch the rugby he should for you. But to be honest I’d rather spend my birthday with someone who wanted to bother. Selfish twat.

Santawontbelong · 26/10/2017 20:28

Shouldn't commitment to a relationship be more important than to a game?

Nikephorus · 26/10/2017 20:30

Can't you do something nice with him in the evening and then have the walk & lunch on the Sunday? That way you get the walk bit plus something nice on your birthday...

LondonGirl83 · 26/10/2017 20:32

Yanbu he is really selfish!

iamyourequal · 26/10/2017 20:32

I think YABU. You are a grown up now with a child of your own. Can you not see other friends and family on Saturday afternoon and let DH spoil you on Saturday night/ Sunday day? I'm sorry but I think you are sounding like a little of a princess!

Ellieboolou27 · 26/10/2017 20:33

Wouldn't bother me, but I'm not fussed about birthdays now, it's my 40th tomorrow and I know dh has nothing planned for me! I was a bit put out but we are having a big family meal out on Sunday so I'm afraid it's a YABU Wink

Original poster
newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:34

Yes we could celebrate the following day or that afternoon, I'd just like to have a nice day on my birthday seeing as he doesn't have work and we could go off somewhere.

He plays 3 times a week, week in week out, from August to April, so I don't think it's s big deal to miss it once for me. If he can't make it someone else will step in, there are plenty of them and usually at least one or two regular players can't make it. We're talking village/small town type team, not premiership!

Yes I look after DS while he plays 3 times a week, which doesn't bother me in the slightest usually but it would be nice for him to spend the day with me just this once.

OP posts:
Original poster
newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:35

Fair enough for those who this IABU, I knew when I typed it out that I sound like a child!!

OP posts:
Original poster
newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:35

Think, not this!

OP posts:
April229 · 26/10/2017 20:36

I’d be massively annoyed OP.

ReasonableLlama · 26/10/2017 20:40

Go out to celebrate on Friday. Get drunk so he’s not fit to go rugby then spend a day snuggling.....WinkGrin

AnnabelFan · 26/10/2017 20:41

I disagree with the majority here!"I'd be really upset if my dh put rugby before my one special day of the year! Flowers

user1493413286 · 26/10/2017 20:42

I’d be annoyed and tell him that he should miss rugby for your birthday. Why should his leisure activity trump your birthday and why should you have to celebrate it a different day?

Brighteyes27 · 26/10/2017 20:43

YANBU he sounds like a typical selfish pig headed rugby type.
I would make plans with family or friends that care about you and your birthday.
Could he arrange sitter and book a special meal for Sat night and you have a nice walk Sunday or will he be supping ale after his rugby game so he won’t be home at a reasonable hour in a sober state to go out for a meal?

Fattymcfaterson · 26/10/2017 20:43

You're not unreasonable.

Alot on MN seem to think once you hit 18 you don't have to care about birthdays anymore. Well bully for them

But you do care! It's your birthday! If you can't ask your DP to spend the day with you on your birthday, when the fuck can you??

I'd be fucking livid OP. Really showing where his priorities lie.

Cakemadeoffruit · 26/10/2017 20:49

YANBU he's goes out and leaves you to it three times a week and can't put himself out for you on your birthday. I'd be having words, but I'd also tell him to get knotted and go to rugby and spend the day with someone who cares.

Original poster
newmum7369 · 26/10/2017 20:50

Yes we could go for a meal in the evening, but I'd like to do lunch so we can take DS. If we go in the evening we'll leave DS with his grandparents which is fine but it's my first birthday as a mum and I'd like a family day out (I appreciate in a few years time a child free night out will probably sound like bliss!).

OP posts:
Bananamanfan · 26/10/2017 20:54

YANBU that is crap of him.

VioletCharlotte · 26/10/2017 20:54

YANBU at all. It wouldn't hurt him to miss rugby just once for your birthday. You only get one once a year after all! I would be upset too.

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