My birthday

[newmum7369]

I know this is petty, but I want to know if IABU.

My husband plays rugby on Saturdays for a local side. It's my birthday coming up and it's the first time it's landed on a Saturday in the 6 years we've been together. I have said I'd like to go to a place I love for a walk with DS (3 months) and lunch in a nice pub I like. It's not a big birthday.

He's saying no because he has rugby. He's missing rugby the following week because he's going to Twickenham to watch England play. I've never asked him to miss it for me before, including training 2 nights a week.

AIBU for thinking if he can miss rugby for Twickenham he can miss it for my birthday? He had a big birthday this year and I took a day off work, took him away for a night in a swanky hotel and organised a meal out with approx 30 of his friends.

I just want him to come for a walk and lunch on my birthday! Even if he comes now it's only because i persuaded him, so he can't win now! Gahhh!

If it’s important to you yes he needs to ditch the rugby for a day. Especially if he’s doing it twice a week anyways.

Sorry, I wrote afternoon in my earlier post - I meant evening.

Trouble is now I'm feeling grumpy and can't be bothered to tell him he should spend the day with me. Maybe I'll arrange a boozy lunch with some friends and tell him he's got DS for the day!

I would be pissed off that his priority is rugby. I'd arrange to go out with others and not bother getting him anything next year. Book a day out for his birthday without him. But I'm petty

Of course YABU . You can go for a walk on the Sunday, but he can't play the match on the Sunday. Everyone with any perspective on life celebrates (in whatever way you want) when it is convenient for all the people they want to celebrate with. He can't move the match, but a walk can be any day.
My birthday is during holiday time, so many times over the year I've actually celebrated in a diffent month as it means it works better for those I want to sepnd time with. Its just common sense.
My dd had her celebration this week just gone, in half term as it was the first time all her friends, and she could get together for 24hrs, even though her birthday is in September. Its just common sense.

I do see what you mean, I guess I'm just peeved that he can't possibly miss playing for my birthday but he can for another event that he'd rather go to.

I know he's a grown up and can decide how he spends his free time, but it's 3 times a week every week for three quarters of the year so surely one day off wouldn't be a lot to ask.

I think it depends on the importance you attach to birthdays.

I like to make a huge fuss of everyone's birthdays (children, husband, friends etc) but other people aren't bothered.

Sounds like he is one of those who doesn't make a fuss or prioritise. I'm not sure there's much you can do.

YANBU. I love your idea of going out with friends and giving him DS to look after.

I’m in the “Birthdays aren’t important” camp but your DH is just plain selfish.

Unless you are 4 years old doing your birthday stuff i.e nice walk, lunch etc gets done on the nearest convenient day to your birthday, not on your birthday meaning someone has to cancel their commitments.

If he can't take a day off rugby foe you then that says a lot. Your birthday comes once a year, his rugby is every week. Plus, he bought the Twickenham tickets in advance knowing how close it was to your birthday, with no thinking or consideration. I would have serious words.

It’s not like he’s unable to miss rugby - he can easily skip it if it’s for an event he likes. So he’s basically just saying your birthday isn’t that important. While of course having enjoyed having his being celebrated. He sounds insensitive. YANBU. I’d talk with him and ask him why he thinks he can treat you like that.

I think it’s depends on if he just said ‘no as it’s rugby day’ or if he said ‘it’s a rugby day but maybe we could get a takeaway Saturday night then on Sunday take dc and go to a pub for a long lunch. But if you’d prefer I can miss rugby and we’ll do it on Saturday’.

Well I'm not fussed about birthdays and so celebrating them doesn't really happen much in my world. Why can't you go out on the Sunday instead?

YANBU, I'd feel quite hurt all things considered,

I’d be pissed. Shoes where his priorities are doesn’t it.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

He's being a very selfish, self centred arse.

Yanbu at all. Yes you can celebrate another time but the fact is he's told you his hobby is more important than you which would be upsetting, and I bet you deserve a treat if you have a 3 month old.

YANBU. Of course he should make the effort to give you a nice day on your birthday. What difference does it really make if he misses rugby once? The fact that he will miss it willingly to watch another game - but not for your birthday - would really piss me off.

YANBU. Going forward I would also book a babysitter for his rugby nights out of his personal fun money so that you can have that time off. Make him pay for his hobby. An extra £60 out of his pocket each week may help him realize how much you're worth and the crap you put up with each week.

zebdebe sums it up nicely for me.
Once the dust settles from this, you might want to have a chat about him cutting down his rugby for a bit once your DS gets older. I got majorly pissed off at DH being out all Saturday playing hockey once our DS was a year old.

He's is being selfish and from now on I'd tell,him not to presume you are chief babysitter when he wants his three nights training a week. You are not number one, rugby is sadly.

Oh and I'd also be saying he needs to find childcare for his twickenham match!

I'm not a big birthday person so celebrating the day after would be fine with me but your situations different

He plays rugby three times a week is that? And he can miss a game to go to twickenhan but not for your birthday? You're way down on his priorities and that would piss me off.

I also totally get the idea of wanting a lunch thing with little one. Enjoy it while they're peaceful and quiet (and not hurling spaghetti around in a 3m radius!)

It doesn't sound like you ask for much and you always do childcare while he entertains his hobby. Ask him what he does have planned for your birthday? I would expect him to come up with something fucking amazing to make up for it. If he has nothing - plan something else with lovely people and forget all about him

As a fellow August-April sports player, I wouldn't miss the match for your birthday walk and pub either. Because it's something that can be done any day (I know it won't be your actual birthday then), but he can still make it special for you the rest of the day, and indeed weekend. The Twickers trip can not be on another day, and I don't expect is a regular event as the tickets can cost a small fortune and be hard to get, so he has to miss his match or not go. I'd be more upset that he hadn't got me a ticket to the England match myself though lol.

I've missed matches for weddings, big family events, etc, but I know no one would ask me to miss one just for a walk and lunch. It's a sport I've done much longer than I've known my husband and probably makes up part of the reason why he loves me so he can't then be annoyed when I'm committed to it. It doesn't mean I'm any less committed to him, in fact it shows that when I commit to something I mean it!

I think he's being twattish too OP, I'd be annoyed.
Only issue now is that if he feels like he's had to sacrifice something unfairly, he might be grumpy on your birthday, so you can't even win! I'd do something Sunday because of this, but still mention I'm miffed.

I'd be upset. If you don't normally ask him to miss it, and also enable him to go 3 times a week, I'd stop making the effort for him, as he's not making an effort for you.
Can you organise lunch with your DC and parents and then maybe dinner with a friend and DH can stay home with the DC?