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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so taken aback by this bizarre behaviour?

69 replies

haresandthemoon · 20/10/2017 13:57

DD(10) was at a friend's house and they were playing with her friend's little brother (2)

They went into the garden and DD said something like "Oh, you're so lucky to have such a nice garden!"

The friend's grandmother was also there and started shouting at DD Hmm telling her "well what do you think you are, eh? You have a lovely garden too!"

DD was upset about it - aibu to Have A Word or is this Best Left? (No dementia: Grandma is about 3 years older than me! Blush)

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 20/10/2017 14:00

Sorry, I don't get it. What bizarre behaviour?

Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 14:01

Huh? Can't see the problem

RavingRoo · 20/10/2017 14:02

What’s the problem here?

Lapena17 · 20/10/2017 14:03

I'm confused...can you explain again OP?

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 20/10/2017 14:03

Erm...

Wolfiefan · 20/10/2017 14:03

I don't get it either.

DeliaSmythe · 20/10/2017 14:05

I think I get it, your DD was trying to pay a compliment and was reprimanded by the grandmother as seeming ungrateful for what she has herself.

I wouldn’t say anything to the grandmother but would chat about it afterwards with DD, explaining that you understand she was trying to be nice, that it was a lovely compliment to pay and that the grandmother must have misunderstood.

BerylStrEeek · 20/10/2017 14:05

It's bizarre because it doesn't make sense.

Why was she shouting? Would the Grandmother have been drunk?

I wouldn't have A Word. Perhaps when you next see the child's parent you can say how DD was saying she really liked their garden and see what they say.

Piffle11 · 20/10/2017 14:06

I think OP means that her DD paid a compliment, and was yelled at by a woman old enough to know better ... I'd leave it. My FIL has a knack for turning a compliment into an argument: I've realised over the years that he doesn't mean to be nasty, he just doesn't know how to respond.

MakeItRain · 20/10/2017 14:06

That is bizarre when your dd was just making such a lovely comment about their garden. I would just tell her not to take any notice, that you knew she was being polite and telling them how nice their garden was, and some people are just grumpy/ maybe she was having a bad day!

FilledSoda · 20/10/2017 14:07

Was the GM puzzled because the gardens are equally nice?
Your DD's comment still makes sense though regardless.

Birdsgottafly · 20/10/2017 14:08

Did she shout, or does she speak loudly at times?

It is difficult for a child to sometimes differentiate, if we are having a laugh, we tend to get loud, in our family.

Birdsgottafly · 20/10/2017 14:09

Just to add, if I am doing the "Erm excuse me, madame..." (in jest) to my GD, my voice naturally raises.

BigFactHunt · 20/10/2017 14:14

Err......say it again, Pam

oldlaundbooth · 20/10/2017 14:15

Say what?

Aeroflotgirl · 20/10/2017 14:19

The grandmother was a bit abrupt to your dd, your garden could be the size of a postage stamp for all she knows, whilst her friends is huge, funny thing to say.

ButchyRestingFace · 20/10/2017 14:21

That sounds a bit like what I used to hear as a child ”oh yes, you’ve got the neglected look about you...” when I was being dramatic.

Sort of.

In the words of the inimitable Princess Elsa, OP, I suggest you 🎵let it go, let it go.🎵

Original poster
haresandthemoon · 20/10/2017 14:24

So some of you really wouldn't be at all bothered and in fact be confused as to why a child was upset if an adult started shouting at them for saying something nice? I don't get that!

OP posts:
brasty · 20/10/2017 14:25

I think this is a misunderstanding. And I suspect she was speaking loudly rather than shouting, young kids often struggle to tell the difference. Just explain to your DC that you think it was a misunderstanding. It is good for her to learn that she should not get too hung up on incidents like this.

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2017 14:25

I agree, that’s quite odd to say in response to a compliment, especially as Im guessing it wasn’t even grannies garden that was being complimented. but I’d let it go.

Original poster
haresandthemoon · 20/10/2017 14:26

I know they do brasty but DD tends to be fairly robust as a rule.

If she comes home early from a playdate in tears because she's been shouted at, I'm erring on her side.

Plus - why raise her voice at all?

OP posts:
Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 14:28

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this comment.

brasty · 20/10/2017 14:29

Lots of people with hearing difficulties have trouble knowing an appropriate level of voice. I do this, until my DP points out that I am nearly shouting, when I thought I was speaking normally. By the way, unless you were close to me you would not know that my hearing isn't great, I do tend to try and cover it up.

And I am not saying she should not be upset, many of us as adults are upset if someone speaks to us funnily. I just mean that it is good to learn from you, that this is something to let go and put behind her., And tell her it was not her fault.

Original poster
haresandthemoon · 20/10/2017 14:29

It wasn't really a "comment" though, was it - it was a shouted and pretty aggressive remark that made my daughter cry.

OP posts:
happygirly1 · 20/10/2017 14:30

Personally I'd really underplay it with DD. Tell her the GM clearly didn't realise she was trying to be nice, to just ignore it and know she has done nothing wrong.

Don't think it's worth an escalation of confronting the GM or anything like that. Not a nice situation for your DD I agree, but not really a big deal either and I'd make sure she knew I thought she had done nothing wrong.

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