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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I ask to go home?

69 replies

cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:06

Recently diagnosed with CFS/ME. Have informed work.

Today is one of those days i just cant keep my eyes open I'm so tired. My eyes actually hurt.

Would you ask if you can go home, or just ride it out?

OP posts:
ssd · 19/10/2017 10:07

really this is one of those things only you can tell, no one knows exactly how you feel

I hope you feel better soon

Caulk · 19/10/2017 10:09

I agree, we don’t know your job, how going home works etc. My current job - no issue. Previous job- no chance.

Talk to someone at work if you need to.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 19/10/2017 10:09

Do your bosses believe it exists? Do you think you can do your job today?

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:10

I work in an office, at a desk. Admin.

One of my bosses (who isn't here today) understands and "believes" it. Not so sure about the other one...

OP posts:
fairygarden · 19/10/2017 10:17

Because you have said ‘should I ride it out’ suggests you are able to. So maybe just try for now? Or ask for half hour break maybe?

Perhaps go and buy some energy drinks Grin

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:19

fairygarden It's more the guilt, or worrying about lack of belief, that I;m so knackered. Energy drinks don't do anything. Believe me, I've tried.

OP posts:
fairygarden · 19/10/2017 10:25

My mum has ME so I know it is tough. X

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:30

Im just sat here wanting to go home and sleep. Even though sleep with make fuck all difference Sad

OP posts:
pepperknit · 19/10/2017 10:36

cjt110, I have ME/CFS too so I know how you are feeling. I think your question isn't really about today, it's about all the days after this and how you are going to deal with this illness. It's not something that can just suddenly get better and it can get worse if you push yourself too much. Have you missed much work already? Do you think you are still able to work the hours that you do?

If you think you can ride it out try to pick work tasks that you can get done with the energy you have. Take it slowly, keep hydrated and eat well.
If you are really struggling then you should go home and get all the rest you can. It sucks, I know.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:46

I think your question isn't really about today, it's about all the days after this and how you are going to deal with this illness

OP posts:
Wide0penSpace · 19/10/2017 10:46

Perhaps they would let you make the hours up on another day? Do they allow flexitime? It might be something worth asking.

RhiannonOHara · 19/10/2017 10:54

Maybe you and both bosses need a good honest conversation about it, OP, so you don't keep having dilemmas and feeling guilty like this?

Between you all you could hopefully agree a) that your illness exists (I am Hmm that people still have to have these conversations about ME, but that is the realpolitik) and b) how it manifests itself and how you can all manage it ie if there are times when you're OK to work but can't face getting up and dressed/public transport etc, can you WFH?

Look after yourself. Thanks

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 19/10/2017 10:56

DS1 27 has cystic fibrosis which exhausts him. He can't work at all. Are you sure you can manage?

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:57

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck I have no choice. Plus I would say I am on the milder side really.

I think I'm also stressing as my boss is retiring next week, lots of changes are afoot.

OP posts:
SingingMySong · 19/10/2017 11:03

Should you be talking to your GP about a reduced hours fit note?

Generally it's massively preferable for employers to know you can do a certain number of hours, even if it's reduced, rather than you struggling to do all your hours , exhausting yourself then calling in sick. Also obviously better for you not to be running yourself into the ground, and is better regarded, I think, as you are seen as trying to stay in work rather than "having yet another day off - unreliable".

For today, is there a first aid room or office you could have a nap in? I used to nap in my car every lunchtime when I was pregnant. But if you need to go home, you need to.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:05

SingingMySong I hadn't thought of that. I'm almost scared to get anything like that to be honest.

The company is going through lots of changes, both internally and in the larger group and I worry it might impact on my job

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck · 19/10/2017 11:07

Yy Singing.

Flowers cjt.

Stripesandstars44 · 19/10/2017 11:08

Lol @ buy an energy drink!

If only it were that simple! Hope u feel better soon OP Flowers

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:09

To give a bit of backstory, my boss, who has been here 31 years is retiring next week. The are not replacing him due to finance cuts in the group. Therefore I am inheriting a lot of his duties. It looks as though I have no choice in the matter and will also receive no extra remuneration for these tasks either.

So right now, Im very unmotivated to be here, compounded by my tiredness.

OP posts:
CrackedEgg · 19/10/2017 11:10

I think you need to look into how you are going to cope with this condition in the long term unless you do look at a different career....working from home for example. Some office business do farm out admin to home workers....it might be something you can look into. Otherwise, you really do have to find coping mechanism. An employer can be very sympathetic but ultimately, they are a business and they do need staff they can rely on. I think you need to sit and talk with your bosses and see what can be done. Could you work from home with a laptop and a printer on the days you are really struggling? This could mean the company wouldn't suffer and you could have those few hours to let your body rest.

It sounds like old advice, but seriously look at what you are eating and when. White carbs...the rice, pasta, the breads....are notorious for making people feel tired. Are you sure you don't have a gluten issue? I know 2 people who were diagnosed with ME for years because of the chronic tiredness and upset stomachs etc. Turns it was coeliacs.....they stopped eating gluten....problem solved.

But I know if I have a few days overeating on the carbs...I feel very lethargic and tired

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:11

CrackedEgg I honestly cant see home working as an option. I need to be able to take and make calls as part of my job.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:13

Sorry posted too soon. Yes I've been tested, twice, for Coeliac disease, both times negative

I'd eat carbs til the cows come home given half a chance. As comfort I suppose. I wouldnt say I have too much though. A portion of mash and a baguette stick yesterday.

OP posts:
EnidButton · 19/10/2017 11:14

You shouldn't try to push through as it will cause a crash later on, tomorrow or the next day. You're on the milder side but it could get worse if you don't pace yourself. I think you should go home.

Flowers It's a shitting horrible thing. I can't lift my head today without the room spinning. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Please consider going home and resting.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:15

How do I even phrase it? My boss who is here is he kind who "doesn't understand" depression, as an example, so I woujld imagine thinks ME is a wishy washy thing.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 19/10/2017 11:15

Therefore I am inheriting a lot of his duties. It looks as though I have no choice in the matter and will also receive no extra remuneration for these tasks either.

I don't think that's legal. It sounds like they'd be breaching contract. I know you're too ill today to think about all this, but I'd get on to a union if you're in one and also think about a quick chat with a solicitor. I can PM you about a good one I've used if you like.

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