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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I ask to go home?

69 replies

cjt110 · 19/10/2017 10:06

Recently diagnosed with CFS/ME. Have informed work.

Today is one of those days i just cant keep my eyes open I'm so tired. My eyes actually hurt.

Would you ask if you can go home, or just ride it out?

OP posts:
EnidButton · 19/10/2017 11:16

Cracked good advice generally but there's a lot more to ME than lethargy and tiredness. That's the least of it.

fleshmarketclose · 19/10/2017 11:16

Have you been seen by Occupational Health? Dd has an auto immune disorder and works only because they have made huge adjustments to enable her to do so. Without the adjustments she wouldn't be able to work at all as it is she works flexibly over four days and is able to work at home if she can't actually make it in.

BabyOrSanta · 19/10/2017 11:16

How do you commute?
Remember that you have to have enough energy stores to get home. If you are falling asleep at your desk now, will you be able to safely get home?
If you work the whole day (and even sitting there is "working" even if you're not overly productive) will you have the stores to get home?
One thing that helped me to explain it to people was the spoon theory - do you have enough spoons left to get home and make a drink? If not, I would go home sooner rather than later.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:18

I could be totally jumping the gun Rhiannon I'm very in the dark about it all right now which is doing me no good, mentally. I have asked the boss who's in toady (the General Manager) when are we discussing what I will be undertaking and he said next week. I know our MD is here on Tuesday next week. I'm worried I suppose I'll be given a list and because of being meek and mild I'll just say "OK"

OP posts:
flimflaminurjams · 19/10/2017 11:19

try and ride it out until lunchtime, then you will only have to take half a day off and not feel as guilty.

Then look into your company's flexible working policies, reduced hours. Do you have access to occupational health at work?

I went part time last yr and its great. I am so much more motivated and less tired and I honestly think better at my job. Good luck.

EnidButton · 19/10/2017 11:19

Try a teaspoon of D-ribose powder in water everyday btw. It really helps the brain fog. (Google it, you can buy online)

Just tell him you have feel like you're coming down with something and feel rotten. That's the truth.

SingingMySong · 19/10/2017 11:20

Easy for me to say as it's not my job on the line, but there is the argument that you are harder to make redundant if there are grounds for discrimination.

If you are not coping at work then there's a risk that your performance will suffer and you will end up with more last minute sickness absences. IF these occur (and they may not, if you're coping ok) then both are higher risk factors for redundancy, IMO, and harder to prove discrimination for, than a medical document saying you are not fit to do all your hours at the moment. As I said above, I also think a fit note is far better regarded by employers and colleagues than you exhausting yourself and compromising your work to get the hours in. BUT I'm aware it's your job and life here, and I'm just a keyboard warrior.

FlakeBook · 19/10/2017 11:21

Is ME a disability under the Equality Act? If so your employer must make reasonable adjustments to enable you to do your job. That could include flexible working / working from home.

Has anyone spoken to you about pacing your activity?

RhiannonOHara · 19/10/2017 11:21

Well, if they do try to ambush you by just giving you a list of new tasks, you don't have to agree to anything and you shouldn't. Say politely that you need to think about it and take advice. And I'm serious about passing on my solicitor's details –just let me know if you want them.

RhiannonOHara · 19/10/2017 11:23

Flake, the Act defines a disability as 'a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities.'

So I'd say so, yes.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:24

Is ME a disability under the Equality Act? Yes it is.

Flake I am due 10 follow up sessions but the assessor needs to write the report, apply for funding and then go from there.

Rhiannon You could message them to me please?

OP posts:
RidingWindhorses · 19/10/2017 11:24

I've got it. Realistically you are going to have to restructure your working life.

They're handing you more responsibilities from your outgoing boss on the understanding that you can cope. It doesn't sound like you can cope with what you've got.

I would strongly suggest you seriously think about going part time for some time until you start to recover. Pushing yourself too hard can worsen your health, believe me I've done it.

CFS is not a mental illness and your boss would be very ignorant if he conflated the two. A letter from your GP or consultant, preferably a CFS Unit would be useful to explain your condition to him.

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:25

RidingWindhorses I am waiting for just that but the report has not yet been written.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 19/10/2017 11:42

PMd you, OP.

misshannah · 19/10/2017 11:43

I was recently diagnosed with CFS/ME. today i'm having a tough day and would love to go home. Unfortunately, i'm on probation in my new role and although they are aware i was recently diagnosed they are not supportive and i am having to go via occupational health to change my hours.... If i could go home i so would be feel it would reflect negatively on my record... 1 week to go until i am off probation.
I work in HE, so not a small organisation. I've been told regularly by my line manager i am expected to work through lunch, etc and be seen by my team at all times to be working... wtf? My boss says all the right things but actually thinks i'm making it all up!

whiskyowl · 19/10/2017 11:46

Yes. Go home.

I've worked in an environment like yours, with a boss who doesn't understand and blackmails people into coming in when they're really not well enough. I can fully understand why you would need reinforcement from us all to say that you're not well enough to be in work. Flowers

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:47

How do you commute I drive. It's only 15 mins by car. But my morning routine is get up, get toddler up, Get toddler fed, dressed and watered. Get dressed myself. Drop toddler at nursery/GPs then go to work. I then get myself a brew and breakfast at work before I start. I can't alter the morning routine as DH starts work at 8 and does the reverse in the evening.

Have you seen OH yet No. I am stupidly trying to keep it in house (our OH/HR is part of the larger group) and soldier on. I dont want to be a pain, or labelled but at the same time, I want to be ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:49

whiskyowl I've just spoken to him

Me: Did you get my email about my diagnosis?
Him: Yes
Me: I'll have 10 follow up appointments as mentioned so will try and get them as early/late in the day as possible
Him: Do they have to be weekday appointments?
Me: Yes I think so
Him: Can't you do them by phone?

I can see where this is going to end up.... sigh

OP posts:
misshannah · 19/10/2017 11:50

I felt the same OP.

Having to go via OH now because they're refusing to adjust my hours as i am student facing and team leader. I live 30 miles away and my commute takes 30 minutes and i was told - we're not changing your hours, you knew what the commute was when you took the role. At that time I had not been diagnosed!!!

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:52

I just feel like I've been told I have ME but there's not a lot I can do about it with regards to work, without kicking up a fuss.

OP posts:
Stopyourhavering · 19/10/2017 11:52

m.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/d/b/Disability_discrim_keypoints_workplace_28_09_16tc2.pdf
This is very useful information- hope you feel better soon, I've just been diagnosed with vasculitis and currently off sick ,while I get treatment started

Original poster
cjt110 · 19/10/2017 11:55

Thank you Stop

I suppose it's getting my head around do I want to be labelled so to speak

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 19/10/2017 11:57

I think it would be better to go home than have people who don't know think you've just had a late night out. Have some time off and if things aren't better then you need to think about reducing your hours or giving up work altogether if it's making you ill. If you're being put upon at work because somebody is leaving then definitely get a sick note. No point in struggling on. You won't get any thanks for it.

whiskyowl · 19/10/2017 11:57

cjt110 - OK, the only way you can deal with someone like that is not to ask, because they will make you feel terrible about it at every opportunity. You are ENTITLED to go to your medical appointments. You are entitled to go home if you are unwell. It's awful but you have to be really, really assertive and breeze through. In my experience, they backed down pretty much straight away when I changed my tactics in this way. It's a form of bullying, really, what they are doing to you. Flowers

Iolaus84 · 19/10/2017 12:02

I know someone who has cfs/me and she finds adapting her diet helps enough for her to go to work. When she feels an episode coming on (seems to come in waves) she adopts the 'stone age' diet which is just veg and fruit for a few days and it seems to help her to do her job but obviously it's a bit dull food wise.

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