To think 'oh how life decisions have changed'

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

Before kids: "What lovely, classy outfit shall I wear today?"

After kids: "I was vomited on half an hour ago but it's dried clear, shall I just not bother getting changed?"

It's a while ago now, but I remember my ambition being to be a captain of industry or somesuch, and then it changed to 'I just want to go to the loo in peace!'

Before kids 'ah how lovely I've just hoovered the house for this week'.

Post kids 'is there any point me cleaning as it'll be a pigsty in 5 minutes'

Before kids: "What nice snelling shampoo should I use?"

After kids: "Should I sacrifice hair washing time to hide in the bathroom and read this trashy Facebook article in peace for 5 minutes?"

*smelling!

Before kids : Might have a sleep in tomorrow.
After kids: I'm going to bed before 10pm in the hope of uninterrupted sleep.

Before kids: sex every night
After kids: sex never again

Before kids: what fun, swanky bar shall I go to on a Friday night after work to party the night away?
After kids: It's Friday night, shall I try and get a super early night at 8.30 so I can get up at 6am without being too tired, or shall I push the boat out till 9.30 and watch Have I Got News For You?

Before kids: let's chat over coffee for ages at work, networking is so important, I'll stay late to finish that big report. I've been mulling the best way to present it, over a glass of wine in the evenings for a while.

After kids: end conversation quickly, irritated at being interrupted, necking coffee quickly thinking fucksake I've got to finish that report by 4pm if I am to pick up the kids on time, I've barely had a moment to think about how to write it, I hope this coffee stops me feeling so tired. Shit I've spilled it on myself, dab hurriedly with a bit of tissue and ignore, no time for anything else.

Before kids: Yay! Clocks go back next weekend

After kids: Fuck! Clocks go back next weekend

Before kids: 'Can't wait to apply for that brilliant new job/try new hobby/go on the next adventure holiday etc'

After kids: 'I'm so fucking tired, someone else will have to fucking save the planet/do a charity marathon/make goddam dinner'

Before kids: Mmmm, I love snuggling up in my warm, comfy bed with a duvet up to my neck
After kids: shivering to death with duvet around my ankles in case it accidentally goes over the baby lying next to me

Smunts

Pre kids Saturday night: drinking, dancing, curry out and early hours taxi home

Post kids Sat night: Strictly, takeaway menu, fall asleep over wine by 10

Loving this. It's my life right now.

Before kids: what clothes can I donate to charity that I haven't worn for ages?

After: what clothes can I dig out to wear that are 10 years old because i have nothing else to wear and don't get any free time to go clothes shopping?

ALLLLLL OF THESE!!!!! You are all clearly INSIDE MY BRAIN!!!

Heh heh.
Before kids: oh dear, my socks don't look good with the shoes I was about to put on, I had better change them.
After kids: I have socks AND shoes, go me!!

Post kids: my hair will cover their snot stains on my shoulder, right?

Sugarcoma Yes! - I spent sooooo many nights shivering with cold round a baby. Then I bought a big thick nursing hoodie to wear at night and was finally warm enough!
One of these: www.izzysmum.co.uk/p/0219-5484/b-warmer-nursing-hoodie/

Before - I’ll straighten my hair before work
After -it’s been over a week, I could probably get another day out of my hair before I wash it. And the fringe was deemed too high maintenance too

@sugarcoma this is me- we just got a lovely new superking bed and I'm there shivering in the middle while dh on one side stretches out under a huge snuggly duvet and dd on the other in her growbag shows off her starfish impression.

Before kids: god, I wish my colleague would stop telling me about their kids

After kids: I really don't want to be boring but I have NOTHING else to talk about, I come from them to work, and back to them again

Before kids: I'm soooo exhausted, the bin men woke me up at 6am

After kids: I got three full hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, hurraaaay!

Before: is the holiday hotel near the bars

After: does the hotel have a pool with slides

Before: live in a flat, no garden, no mowing

After: live in a house with a garden to keep the mess out the house

Before Breakfast on Sunday: fry up/eggs benedict, maybe out

After Breakfast on Sunday: cornflakes

Before: phoning friends

After: MN

Before: cook something nice for dinner from stratch after work

After: Fall asleep and have cheerios for dinner.

I rather liked the Michael MacIntyre 'people who don't have kids' -

"Oh look darling, a new Carluccios has just opened - we could go there. We could go there any night