To think 'oh how life decisions have changed'

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

Before kids: "What lovely, classy outfit shall I wear today?"

After kids: "I was vomited on half an hour ago but it's dried clear, shall I just not bother getting changed?"

Before kids: shave legs and armpits every day
After kids : it's absolutely fine to be hairy, isnt it?

Before kids: shave legs and armpits every day
After kids : it's absolutely fine to be hairy, isnt it?

This

Before: regular pedicures
After: waits for shellac nail polish to grow out of toenails rather than getting it changed

Before: no more than two people in the bed
After: minimum of four on waking

Before: regular hair appointments
After: resembles Lily Savage

Before: lovely evening snuggles on couch with DH
After: 'can you just not touch me anywhere for a bit. Or speak'

Before: phone calls for hours
After-part 1: Maximum 3 mins before someone has pooed/is hurt/is violent/is starving to death.
After-part 2: stare at phone ringing and think 'nah, not worth it'

Oh and banging on
Before: quite liked DH
After: could cheerfully whack over the head with an iron pan

Before kids; Nothing to do, and nowhere to go. Bored, and ring a mate to go out.

After kids; Bliss. Switch off phone and enjoy doing absolutely nothing.

Before: Enjoy long chats dotted with humour and intellect with my husband about work, life and everything
After: I'm too exhausted to engage with you on any level, if you 'need' anything I may have to divorce you just to have one less person in my life sucking all my energy from me....

Before kids: nail salon, gym, personal trainer, sports car

Forgot to have any kids so ......... nail salon, gym, personal trainer, sports car

Seriously I would like to thank all you amazing mums. I do appreciate that your LOs will be my doctor, dentist, plumber, mechanic, lawyer and all that jazz. I'd have made an absolutely sh*t mother, though so probably best that I overlooked that life stage

Before kids Sunday morning lie in
After kids Sunday morning rugby

It's funny though.

A few years ago (no kids): on weekend go out with friends, sex with dp, drinking, dress up and look good.

A few years later (still don't have kids): no where to go weekend as friends dont return calls, no where to go, DP gone off sex, no point dressing up as look old and fat.

I may as well have had a bloody kid!

Before: shower, shave legs, dress up.

Now: shower in 90 seconds with toddler banging shower door and laughing at "momma tummy". Embrace fuzzy legs. Wear pyjamas.

Before kids: Oh fuck, what can I cook for dinner.

Many years after kids: DD, I can't face cooking, could it be your turn tonight?

Just to add to the 'there is a light at the end of the tunnel' brigade

Before kids: Which of my 600 TV channels shall I watch?

After kids: Cbeebies, Nick JR or Nick Peppa?