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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 'oh how life decisions have changed'

62 replies

ShiftyLookingBadger · 13/10/2017 11:35

Before kids: "What lovely, classy outfit shall I wear today?"

After kids: "I was vomited on half an hour ago but it's dried clear, shall I just not bother getting changed?"

OP posts:
RefuseTheLies · 13/10/2017 22:24

Before kids spends all wages on the latest and most expensive new makeup products. Apply make up even if just popping to shops.

After kids don't even know where the fuck my makeup bag is anymore.

Original poster
ShiftyLookingBadger · 13/10/2017 22:27

@sugarcoma Yes!!! Same here. And I'm normally such a duvet snuggler.

OP posts:
Snoopyokay · 13/10/2017 22:29

Loved the Michael McIntyre sketch too!

minesapintofwine · 13/10/2017 22:29

Before kids: it's Friday night! I could go clubbing! Or for a meal! Or do anything I want!

After kids: I'm going to spend Friday night sorting toys and catching up on the washing.

^
Me right now

sourpatchkid · 13/10/2017 22:56

attention cold co-sleepers!!

Slumbersac do an adult sized grow-bag ...

To think 'oh how life decisions have changed'
sourpatchkid · 13/10/2017 22:57

Before kids-where shall we holiday this year? I need sunshine and lots of cocktails

After kids: fuck it, let's just stay home so the baby might sleep

BestZebbie · 13/10/2017 22:57

Before kids: I'm going to spend 3 days on Pinterest looking at adorable craft ideas for children's parties

After kids: Let's book a soft play, then we only need to buy a cake, right?

AnnabelleLecter · 13/10/2017 23:03

Before kids- purse always full
After kids- purse always empty

minesapintofwine · 13/10/2017 23:07

Before dc: purse always empty
After dc: purse always..oh wait...

marciagetscreamed · 13/10/2017 23:28

Before kids - "I'll just empty the dishwasher. Bit boring, but hey!"

After kids - "DONT PICK UP THAT KNIFE!! DONT RUN AWAY FROM ME WITH A FORK IN YOUR MOUTH!! And so on.

Before kids, when husband came home -

"How was your day gorgeous?"
(Me) - oh I chose the the curtains we talked about, booked that holiday and made a creme brûlée. Fancy a shag?"

After kids -
How was your day darling?
(Me) " get in here now and help with bath time, I am literally going mad and dinner is whatever the fuck you choose to make".

Butterymuffin · 13/10/2017 23:38

Before kids: not sure why anyone would use dry shampoo

After kids: Aha!

RJnomore1 · 13/10/2017 23:41

Before kids: ill just have a few and listen to my records

after teenagers: ill just have a few and get the vinyl out - 30 minutes later - I need more vinyl - 1 hour later - I need a set of technics - 2 hours later - I need a fender telecaster ...

There is hope people!

Original poster
ShiftyLookingBadger · 13/10/2017 23:44

These are all brilliant Grin

Buttery dry shampoo changed my life.

Before kids: Can you please make dinner tonight Mr Shifty? I'm shattered!

After kids: I'll make dinner! Anything to have a break from these kids ...Proceeds to shut kitchen door and play loud music from my teenage years while dancing inappropriately for my age in the hope of recapturing my youth, with a rum and coke in one hand, saucepan in the other...

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 14/10/2017 05:09

Before kids: painfully shy. Constantly worrying what others thought of every tiny detail of my life and work.
After kids: give zero fucks. Labour - literally nothing compares

user1499419331 · 14/10/2017 11:49

Having a child has brought me to life. I am starting my own business. My daughter fits in with my life. She is only 18 months though so when she is a toddler it may be different. Sometimes I think people make life difficult for themselves. I am still living my life and I haven't ever actually been vomited on.

Chattycat78 · 14/10/2017 12:20

Sorry but user what are you getting at?

This post is tongue in cheek isn't it?Hmm . None of us are saying we re not living our lives, just that they are different. If you've managed to not change one single thing since pre-kids, then maybe you should be sharing your secret with us or writing a book.

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 12:42

user plenty of time to be vomited on yet then come back and eat your words

minesapintofwine · 14/10/2017 12:43

Pre kids- I love weekends.

After kids- I fucking hate weekends

usernameavailable · 14/10/2017 12:49

Before kids - housework done. What shall I do for afternoon cross stitching, a nap, walk or pub

After kids - forget housework it won't look nice for long anyway. What to do now, how do I tire them out for an early night? park, play dough, painting or just hide and let them tire themselves out! Grin

Currently being a patient and having plasters stuck all over me while OH is in kitchen soaking the fruit for xmas cake! Might go and sneak that brandy!

usernameavailable · 14/10/2017 12:56

@user1499419331
This is a light hearted thread.
I wouldn't be without my 3 children! Yet I used to be like you. When I had 1 child life was so easy. I never understood why some mums joked about the fantasy of having 1 day to themselves! Now i totally get it.
Until you have been vomited on and you are in a rush to get out door, so u clean your hair with a baby wipe and spray it - you haven't lived! Grin
My children bought me to life, they also have made me the most tired I have ever felt!

annandale · 14/10/2017 12:57

Before: don't get the fuss about sex
Shortly after: Fuck off
Some time after: Got it at last. Now if only I could prop my eyelids open for long enough I would definitely be up for it.

user1499419331 · 14/10/2017 13:12

Thanks I think I will write a book. One is easy that's true. With 2 I would be just like you guys. Thank goodness I'm single hey.

Herja · 14/10/2017 13:27

Vomit. It's not a before and after, but fuck me, it's one of the things that scarred me most about having toddlers. They have puked in my mouth. Projectile vomit in my open mouth... It was a happy, happy day the first time I was asked for a bucket because they felt porely.

sourpatchkid · 14/10/2017 21:59

You're doing really well user. I've been vomited on by children before I was even a parent

fivefour3twoone · 14/10/2017 22:03

Oh god loving this....!!!