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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel plans with friends late notice

58 replies

Locotion · 07/10/2017 10:09

My friend is expecting me to stay over tonight. Girly night. Im kid free. I said I would go. We are to meet anothet friend for lunch next day.

I dont feel like going. I am tired and lots going on in my work, personal lofe, plus usual chores to do ready for Monday (I work full time single parent).

I jusy want some time to myself too. She is nearly 2 & 1/2hr + ttaffic drive away.

But I feel bad. What do I do? :( The other 3 could still meet without me.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 07/10/2017 10:10

When was the last time you saw these friends?

Imonlyfuckinghuman · 07/10/2017 10:11

I'd just be honest. If my friend or I are exhausted we just say and have a catch up over the phone with a glass of wine.

It's a long drive I don't blame you if your knackard !

Santawontbelong · 07/10/2017 10:12

Child free and the chance to see friends would have me out the door!! The chores will still be there when you get back!!

MrsJayy · 07/10/2017 10:12

Phone her say sorry you are not feeling great and won't make it. No point in going if you are not up to it

Tour · 07/10/2017 10:13

You sound like you could do with a break. Go and have fun. Life will still be there when you get back.

Auspiciouspanda · 07/10/2017 10:17

Well if my friend was coming to stay I would have already bought in wine and food etc so I wouldn't be impressed if my friend cancelled on me so last minute and I wouldn't be in a rush to offer any more invitations.

Original poster
Locotion · 07/10/2017 10:21

Yes perhaps fun Will be nice.
I am feeling very like I want to curl up in a ball though.
Its the driving too. I have been on this journey for family for two consecutive weekends the weekend before last and thr one before.
I cant let my friend down if its been in the diary for ages - but in the same sense they all live ten mins from each other.
I havent seen them for ages to be honest - summer?? Busy lives

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 07/10/2017 10:22

Go for the night but bail out of lunch tomorrow. Lunch doesn’t matter as two other people will be there.

Original poster
Locotion · 07/10/2017 10:23

You are right panda - sometimes my low moods can make things extra hard even though I know I Should do xyz. Feeling awful and martyr like.

OP posts:
moutonfou · 07/10/2017 10:23

I guess you have to ask yourself if it's one of those situations where you'd enjoy it in the end, or if you'd really just prefer some time for yourself. If the latter, just say you're not feeling well and offer a phone call?

5rivers7hills · 07/10/2017 10:23

I can totally see why you don’t want to do the drive - is there a train option instead?

However you’ll probably have fun when you’re there and it’s a bit short to cancel at such late notice.

I’d go. Either train or get some nice music or audiobook on in the car. Stop for a coffee half way.

lilydaisyrose · 07/10/2017 10:24

I'm going to a girlfriends meet up today & have spent all week arranging my childcare, DH plans, housework, s/e work to ensure I can get away & not worry about things at home (& I'm taking the baby!). I've spent money on some new things too. I'd be really fucked off if you cancelled.

Guardsman18 · 07/10/2017 10:24

Can you curl up in a ball just for a few hours? Then go?

pasturesgreen · 07/10/2017 10:25

If I were your friend, let's just say I wouldn't be best pleased. She will already have made preparations for your arrival. It's extremely late notice to cancel effectively with no good reason apart from not really fancying it any more.

I'd just go, you'll have fun once you get there and the chores can wait.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 07/10/2017 10:35

I'd force myself if I'm honest. It sucks that you are the one that is furthest away but this sort of thing can be the thin end of the wedge. You don't go this time, your friend may be pissed off and then next time there may be an edge of "Oh don't bother inviting Locotion, she'll only cancel anyway..."
I know people would say that that sort of friend isn't worth having ( and I'd agree) but I'm just being honest about types of behaviours.

RhiannonOHara · 07/10/2017 10:37

if my friend was coming to stay I would have already bought in wine and food etc so I wouldn't be impressed if my friend cancelled on me

I have to agree with this. I do have form myself for cancelling on people late –I have low mood and general unsociable feelings sometimes –so I do sympathise. But I think cancelling on someone who's probably organised food etc for your night is different from, say, not going to a party (when there'll still be others there) or cancelling a dinner out when the other person hasn't had to cook or prepare.

Is it possible to get a train there? More relaxing and less tiring than driving.

viques · 07/10/2017 10:40

Were you all planing to go out tonight or stay in with wine ,nibbles, strictly and gossip. If the latter I would go, make an early change into jammies and relax in human company. If the former just get out there and forget your worries for one night, you have Sunday to relax and recharge.

sometimes you have to push through the barrier.

chocatoo · 07/10/2017 10:43

Galvanise yourself and go! Radio on in the car or maybe a talking book. Bet you have a great time when you're there. A change is as good as a rest and all that...(chores can wait!)

Crunchymum · 07/10/2017 10:46

If you really don't want to go then don't.

But a night with a good friend and a change of scene could do you the world of good?

Get as many chores as you can done before you go. Cry off of lunch if need be.

I always waste my very rare childfree time by doing bloody chores.

f83mx · 07/10/2017 10:47

You should go! Bound to enjoy it when you're there and worst case scenario you could crash out early when there x

Maryz · 07/10/2017 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoesHaveSouls · 07/10/2017 10:50

Oh I think you should go. I often don't feel like going out, tired, want to slob on the sofa etc - but when I make the effort, I'm always really glad I did. Seeing friends is rejuvenating - chores aren't Wink

Butterymuffin · 07/10/2017 10:51

I would push yourself to go - it's a night in not a night out on the town so not too strenuous. Put your pjs on early, get to bed reasonably early, and get a train there instead if you can. Also gives you an excuse to leave earlier next day 'got to get off to make the train'.

category12 · 07/10/2017 10:59

Go, you'll enjoy it and you'll probably regret if you don't

kateandme · 07/10/2017 11:01

id say go if you can.when we are down or tired its far (nicer says the mind)to lie in a ball and do nothing.but this is a one off with all the girls so I think will be just as nice if you push for it.
you can curl up any weekend.
things can seem so much more daunting when we are the blurrr with tiredness and things we need to do.but I gaurentee once you there and having fun this current fug wont even be an issue.
if you really cant don't feel guilty but don't let insecurities and tiredness bog it down.you can do it.
you deserve more fun if you've had a long week :)
are you all packed and ready to go.could you get yourself up and at it ready and then see how you feel then.