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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being petty

58 replies

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:23

Prepared to be unreasonable but I'm a bit annoyed. We are on a constant budget right now. This is relevant.

Dd Spots my money on the side which was to pay a bill. My only money in the house right now.

Dd: Can I have money I've not had breakfast.

Me: You should have got some. We have things in.

Dd: I've not got time and I'm out a long day today.

Me: Well you will have to take money from that then and I'll get some more but you need to make time to eat, we have stuff in. She has long days so needs breakfast.

An hour later rings me from a coffee shop having bought no food just coffee.
Lies that she thought I had heard her say coffee
Lies that she tried to get food but didn't have enough (school and the two places near school both do proper food for less than what she had.

Only a small amount but I'd love a fancy bloody coffee and haven't got money to waste on one.

She's now moaning that in me moaning at her she's forgot to connect to WiFi which is clearly the only reason why she went to the bloody cafe and has used all her data watching YouTube.

OP posts:

florentinasummertime · 06/10/2017 08:25

I think you should have stuck to no tbh. Easy to say I know.

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 06/10/2017 08:26

No, I don't think you're being petty. How old is she? Depending on age I would let her go without next time she asks.

ethelfleda · 06/10/2017 08:27

YANBU
She is being a bit of a brat!

Velvetbee · 06/10/2017 08:29

Not petty. I'd be having a serious, bringing down to earth chat later. She'll resent it and claim to be terribly misunderstood but I wouldn't let it go.
The drip, drip effect of serious chats (and maturity) will make her less self absorbed eventually.

LindyHemming · 06/10/2017 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nikephorus · 06/10/2017 08:31

YANBU. She needs to learn that you can't have everything you want & that things cost money which has to be earned first.

scootinFun · 06/10/2017 08:32

Have a chat and explain the situation. Next time she asks remind her of this situation and say no. Not sure why you didn’t say no and give her a muesli bar or similar tbh.

chickenowner · 06/10/2017 08:33

I don't think you should have given her money that you had put aside to pay a bill.

She could have taken food from home with her to eat.

I agree with PP who said that you need to have a serious talk with her about money.

TanteRose · 06/10/2017 08:33

How old is she?

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:36

We didn't have anything in she could just pick up and take with her or I would have.

She's fourteen.

I can't afford to give her allowance but my parents do.

OP posts:

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:41

I didn't actual mind her having the money for breakfast food to be clear. I would rather she had eaten at home but fair enough.

It's the fact that she's taken the money so she can basically have a fancy coffee and WiFi that's annoyed me.

OP posts:

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 06/10/2017 08:43

That's good you didn't mind her having it for food, but if it was set aside for a bill, in an ideal world, I'd probably have insisted she eat a bit of toast or something at home. Surely if she had time to stop and watch YouTube videos in a coffee shop, she had time for a quick bowl of cereal / toast?

Shadow666 · 06/10/2017 08:48

Surely there was time to make a quick sandwich? If money is tight then eating out is a luxury you can't afford. Either of you.

It's better to keep money hidden though. Stick it in a bag rather than leaving it out. Then she won't be tempted.

TitsalinaBumSqoosh · 06/10/2017 08:51

If my son pulls the 'I've no time for breakfast can I have money for a bacon roll?' Thing I hand him a banana and cereal bar or similar (not the healthiest thing in the world I know) and tell him to get up earlier tomorrow.
Although I did get him a thermal cup and make him a cup of tea every morning to take to the station so I'm not a completely mean mum!

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:53

The reason she has time to sit and watch youtube in a cafe is because they massively changed the bus times earlier this year so she either gets there ridiculously early or really late now due to the bus times out of the village.

What we had in was porridge/cereal type foods.

She needs to stop faffing in a morning so she has time to eat.

She won't be back till 8pm tonight as she's straight from school to an activity hence I wasn't keen on her being without.

Next time she goes without.

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 06/10/2017 08:56

So she has time to walk to a cafe order coffee sit on her phone call you then she had time for a bowl of cereal and put the kettle on. She is yanking your chain and you are letting her you should have stuck to your no.

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:56

I might get a thermal cup. Do they keep warm for a few hours without congealing with things like porridge?

She's on two buses which don't allow eating and it's a longish journey (perils of living in a village)

OP posts:

chocatoo · 06/10/2017 08:57

If my DD doesn't have time for bfast I wrap her toast in foil - I can't believe you didn't have anything to make a slice of toast!

We also have a couple of tiny thermos flasks (2 because the last one to be used is inevitably in the depths of DDs school bag, unwashed!! Drives me nuts.) Don't buy fancy ones, just Tescos own brand...
I would wait until she is in the mood to listen (and take in what you are saying), then tell her how upset you felt today.

MrsJayy · 06/10/2017 08:58

Ah right it is her bus times still she needs to stop taking advantage of you that money was fora bill not a frothy coffee

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 08:59

MrsJayy I was trying to explain above. The reason she has so much time for the cafe is because the bus route changes for our village meant that she has to get to school forty minutes early or if she takes the one afterwards she is late.

OP posts:

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 09:00

Sorry xpost

OP posts:

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 06/10/2017 09:01

That makes sense re buses.

Original poster

Getreadyforit · 06/10/2017 09:02

We didn't have bread. Just those bake your own bread rolls you stick in the oven.
She literally announced it as she was walking out of the door.

OP posts:

dontquotemeondailymail · 06/10/2017 09:04

When she comes home tonight switch off the wifi... tell her the money she used for her coffee was supposed to pay the bill

HotelEuphoria · 06/10/2017 09:05

You have every right to be cross with her. If money is tight a fancy coffee because she CBA getting breakfast is out of order. Her blaming you for not connecting to wifi is ludicrous and she needs a kick up the bum.

However, even if she did have breakfast and had no money what does she usually do to pass time with the spare 40 minutes?

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