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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To distance myself from this friend...

54 replies

Dancingfairy · 26/09/2017 14:45

I will quickly start by saying I am a single parent on benefits and dla and carers allowance for daughter. My friend seems to hate people on benefits and is generally quite vocal about it but seems to have got worse. On the weekend I was at her house and she showed me her pay slip and how much she is taxed and said "you can see why I'm annoyed" and that she "basically pays for me" and how she is "only" £400 a month better of by working. She also agrees with the child tax credit cap (which effects me) and doesn't think any one should get it at all and instead "forced abortions" aibu in thinking 2 very different people can't be friends and to distance myself from her?

OP posts:

Peachyking000 · 26/09/2017 14:46

She sounds nasty - none of us know when we could end up relying on benefits.

MoiraRosesMeltdown · 26/09/2017 14:47

YANBU She sounds judgemental and insensitive

Coffeeisnecessary · 26/09/2017 14:47

I would definitely distance myself! She sounds horrendous!

BASTARDdryer · 26/09/2017 14:49

LTB

RobotGoat · 26/09/2017 14:49

She said all this to you knowing that you're on benefits? She actually said that she pays for you? YADNBU. Who needs people like that in their life?

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/09/2017 14:54

When I pointed out her taxes go to loads of things including the elderly etc she said she doesn't mind as you don't chose to get old but chose to have kids. (These comments came after I joined a debate group on Facebook and said I might leave as there views are too extreme as they share these views that's when she said all this stuff however over the years she's always made her dislike of people on benefits clear)

OP posts:

ChicRock · 26/09/2017 14:58

I don't really understand what either of you get from this friendship?

At the very least she doesn't like you or your life choices/circumstances much, she sounds quite unpleasant to be around.

Why do you bother?

dunraven · 26/09/2017 14:58

Does she receive Child Tax Credits and Child Benefit? Call her a hypocrite if she does.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/09/2017 15:00

It's basically one of them been friends since you were children friendships but we've gone on to lead very different lives. She sees my life and sees that I'm struggling and that (don't get maintenance but that's a different story).

OP posts:

ChicRock · 26/09/2017 15:03

I think it's time to call it a day on this one.

Dustbunny1900 · 26/09/2017 15:03

I wouldn't get too high n might if I were her, life has a way of biting the judgmental in the ass.
Get away from this bitter poison fool!

expatinscotland · 26/09/2017 15:05

Just cut her off. She's vile. I didn't think the CTC cap applied to those on CA. Or third pregnancies that turn out to be multiples.

coffeekittens · 26/09/2017 15:08

She sounds fucking foul. Lets hope that she never loses her job/partner, has her ability to work affected by sickness/disability, has a disabled child, has to flee domestic violence... the list goes on.

Get rid OP, tbh I'm gobsmacked that she actually has friends in the first place.

guilty100 · 26/09/2017 15:12

Wow, she's no friend of yours, OP. Those opinions are vile, and to voice them to your face is awful.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/09/2017 15:16

I guess she wouldn't be friends with me if we met as adults (her wage has recently gone up so now she "only" receives child benefit I had to listen to more of her rantings when that happened!)

OP posts:

SecretEscapesWannabe · 26/09/2017 15:16

Yes, cut her off.

Her opinions are poisonous and you don't need that type of toxicity in your life. I'd tell her why also.

BenLui · 26/09/2017 15:19

I pay huge amounts of tax and am quite happy if some of that is put to helping people who need it as well as to schools, hospitals etc.

I don’t receive any benefits at all but life can change extremely quickly- it’s good that we have a welfare state that supports those in need.

You friend is rude and wrong. I would walk away.

(What kind of person waves a payslip in their friend’s face )

littlebird77 · 26/09/2017 15:21

In a word yes you need to chalk this one up to experience.

Nothing you can do with such a rude and insensitive friend. No need for grand explanations or a possible confrontation just cut her off.

misshelena · 26/09/2017 15:23

You should cut each other off instead of torturing each other. Neither of you is right or wrong, you just are on different ends of the political spectrum. Though she is definitely rude.

CatsOclock · 26/09/2017 15:23

I would ask myself how I want to feel in my life, eg relaxed, happy etc. Then ask, do I feel like that when I'm with her? (I'd guess, no.) Then look for those times when I do feel like that and head towards those.

SecretEscapesWannabe · 26/09/2017 15:24

Ben I once gave a colleague a severe dressing down for doing the same to his PA. He was saying; ''Look how much tax I pay' to her when she was a single mum and waspaid far less than what he 'lost' in tax.

Somewhat satisfactorily about 2months later he was fired for expenses fiddling........ included in that was when he asked the same PA to give him her receipts for coffee she bought for herself at Costa so he could claim them back o expenses while keeping the money for himself.

I honestly would never have believed such people existed... he took the biscuit.

LoislovesStewie · 26/09/2017 15:36

Time to move on from this toxic person; your self esteem will disappear and you will be severely depressed. I always hold on to the thought that when working we are 3 pay slips from ruin. . Anything can happen to cause financial problems; divorce;illness, bad luck; whatever.Then who has to claim benefits? Tell her you aren't going to contact her anymore and why and just delete her from your life. Find other ,nicer people.

suzy2b · 26/09/2017 15:36

i am on benefits my self but if you are on benefits why are you having more children,and i think it's a good idea not getting more money for having loads of kids as some people do

SunSeaAndSangria · 26/09/2017 15:46

What a nasty person, yanbu for ditching her. Carers allowance is a paltry £62.10 a week, peanuts compared to the work involved in 24hr care. You can turn it on it's head and say you are saving the treasury a fortune by caring for your DC. Full time social care costs upwards of £200,000 a year for a disabled child.

DPotter · 26/09/2017 15:48

May have missed it susy2b , but can't see where OP says she's expecting another child ?

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