To distance myself from this friend...

[Dancingfairy]

I will quickly start by saying I am a single parent on benefits and dla and carers allowance for daughter. My friend seems to hate people on benefits and is generally quite vocal about it but seems to have got worse. On the weekend I was at her house and she showed me her pay slip and how much she is taxed and said "you can see why I'm annoyed" and that she "basically pays for me" and how she is "only" £400 a month better of by working. She also agrees with the child tax credit cap (which effects me) and doesn't think any one should get it at all and instead "forced abortions" aibu in thinking 2 very different people can't be friends and to distance myself from her?

Secret so glad to hear he got his comeuppance! People can be dreadful.

Aside from everything else horrendous about her, anyone who shows their pay slips to other people is vulgarity personified. Ditch her immediately.

I'm not pregnant but yes I have more than one child I guess that's what suzy2b is referring to

So she disagrees with disabled people receiving benefits too then I presume? Or should we all be drowned at birth?!

Cut her off compleately- but not before you tell her what a nasty, miserable, shitehawk of shiteyness she is. I now know the meaning of the term 'makes my blood boil' shes no friend!!

There are two separate issues here I think, I would try not to let one distract you from the other. I don't see anything wrong with holding certain views on the level of taxation and the welfare state, I wouldn't go as far as to scold her for those views however absurd they may appear. In political discourse you are only ever one robust argument away from having your world view altered completely and for that reason alone we should welcome a wide range of opinions and people who are willing to express them. That's healthy.

The manner in which she has expressed her views and her apparent contempt for you is a separate issue however. Holding her pay slip out and shaming you the way she did is totally unacceptable. That's not how friends behave toward one another and I don't think anyone could blame you for ending the friendship. It will end sooner or later anyway because she seems to hold an alarming level of resentment for you.

Please show her this thread!

At the end of the day, if needing & receiving Benefits was wrong, then the welfare system wouldn't exist.

I'm a single parent and receive Universal Credit & Pip for my disabilities. I can't work, therefore I receive an added payment within my UC for my child. I get grief for being a single parent, grief for being on benefits, accused of not really being disabled and challenged EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I park in Disabled, despite having a blue badge. Some people in this country are shockingly judgemental it genuinely frightens me at times

Ditch her.

The cap won't effect you though??

That's awful, OP, she's not a friend! How insensitive at the very least. I echo what PPs have said, this appears to be a friendship that's based on habit, what are either of you getting out of it???

She sounds quite awful. You can do much better. How does anyone begrudge those with disabilities help? Much less a child.

I agree with somerford - there are 2 issues. She's entitled to have her own opinions but was unspeakably rude to you.
I think telling her to feck off is appropriate.
Never occurred to me who or what I was paying for when I worked full time. She sounds bitter and money obsessed.

The manner in which she has expressed her views and her apparent contempt for you is a separate issue however. Holding her pay slip out and shaming you the way she did is totally unacceptable. That's not how friends behave toward one another and I don't think anyone could blame you for ending the friendship. It will end sooner or later anyway because she seems to hold an alarming level of resentment for you.

Exactly what I was trying to say, but somerford put it perfectly.

Her behaviour is appalling. Her taxes pay for various things, including the schools her kids go to or will go to.

Tell her that high flying career women with no children are paying for her children to go to school, and for her child benefit, and her GP visits.

Actually, don't bother, just don't speak to her again. How nasty waving her pay slip at you. Cow.

I would cut ties based on the fact that she showed you her PAYSLIP alone! Let's not even get started on her insistence on broaching a subject that she knows will make you uncomfortable. What an incredibly vulgar women.

forced abortions

Carers Allowance stops the benefit cap applying to you. Unless you mean the cap for CTC being awarded for more than two children, which must mean you have a young baby?

Yes I have a young baby and I did say the child tax credit cap? I meant the cut off for babies born after April just realised that wasn't clear what I meant.

Ahh, sorry. Thanks for clarifying. Your friend is entitled to her view, of course. But you are entitled to form an opinion of her character based on her view, and choose your company accordingly. I might if I were you.

Forced abortions?! Bloody hell. I'd cut her off for that vile comment alone. She's disgusting.

WTaF?

Send her a pie chart showing where the benefits budget is spent, and the tiny proportion that goes on disability benefits and caters allowance. Show her the annual tax credits bill, then show her the estimated amount the hmrc loses each year to unpaid tax, which would basically cancel out the entire TC bill. Point out that TCs are paid for by HMRC and not DWP because they're essentially a business subsidy - they allow businesses to get away with not paying a living wage so they can make yet more profits while even working people can't afford to support their families.

Then tell her to fuck far off and never contact you again.

Also, is she aware of the difference between tax and NI? I'd be throwing that in there too before telling her to fuck off.

She's a twat. Get rid.

I hate people who have this idea that being on benefits = living some kind of luxury lifestyle off the back of others. I’m in a similar situation to you OP, certainly not through choice. Yes I chose to have children BUT I didn’t choose for my DD to be disabled and although I love her more than anything or anyone it has changed my life monumentally including my financial/earning options.

She sounds like a absolute dickhead.

She's horrid!

I'd be reminding her ignorant head that actually the percentage of people solely reliant on benefits is less than the percentage who claim benefits as a supplement to working income.

Working tax credit, child tax credit, both top up benefits available to families under the required threshold.

Then I'd ditch her sorry arse. You don't need people like that around you.

She sounds vile.