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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding with a 4 month old...

72 replies

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 12:10

Posting here as not sure where the wedding board is.

Just received invite to my cousins wedding, she was bridesmaid at my wedding so v close family. It's 200 miles away in my hometown. My PFB will be 4 months old and I'm hoping to EBF. Wedding says no children - am I mad to think about attending? If I do, what do I need to consider? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

bilbobaggi · 21/09/2017 12:19

Eek! Went to a friends wedding with a nearly 4 month old and it was a nightmare! He could tell we were a bit stressed and just went into meltdown almost the whole day. He didn't like the change in routine, all the people, the noise, totally freaked him out. All depends on the baby I know but tbh he was otherwise a chilled out easy going baby. Think carefully, and if you go make sure you have an extra pair of hands who can take them off for walks to help. Just giving you a warning as I won't be doing that again. Good luck!

cautiousoptimist1 · 21/09/2017 12:21

I don't think you're mad to consider it. Most no children weddings make an exception for babes in arms but check that with your cousin first, if your baby can't go then you need to consider getting a hotel room at the venue if possible for someone to stay with the baby while you attend the wedding and can pop in and out for feeding.
Newborns are reasonable portable so it's a better age than say 9/10 months. If you're feeding you'll need to consider whether you want a nursing dress or top or not and reassure your cousin that someone would take the baby out if they were crying.

bilbobaggi · 21/09/2017 12:21

Oh just seen it a no children wedding- if you're EBF you'll need someone to babysit near by so you can nip out and see them, and also pump in advance so they can bottle feed but you'll only be able to go a few hours before you start leaking.

Huskylover1 · 21/09/2017 12:21

If the invite says no children, you can't attend, can you?

ExPresidents · 21/09/2017 12:23

I did this with my first DC. 4 months old, not invited, I was EBF. It was a few hours away. We went up with my PIL and left the baby with them with a couple of bottles of expressed milk, he wouldn't drink them, it was a disaster, I wouldn't do it again.

Sorry to rain on your parade OP but it is really hard to leave them all day and evening when you're feeding. You'd have to pump a couple of times at least or you'd be pretty uncomfortable. Would your cousin make an exception for very small breastfed babies do you think?!

coddiwomple · 21/09/2017 12:23

If the invit says no children, I wouldn't go, because I wouldn't leave my EBF.

If the wedding was open to children, I would have booked a room at the venue itself if possible, so I could have nipped in my bedroom with my baby.

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 21/09/2017 12:23

Well, if it's 200 miles away, you're ebf and your baby isn't invited I don't know how that would really work...? Is it in a hotel or somewhere with rooms you can stay in? Could you get a nanny and pop up to the room for feeds?

WineAndTiramisu · 21/09/2017 12:27

I'd ring her and ask, usually small babies are allowed even at child free weddings, as they need you to eat!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 21/09/2017 12:27

I definitely would go if the baby could come and definitely wouldn't go if the baby was barred

NerrSnerr · 21/09/2017 12:29

I would confirm if babes in arms are allowed. If not I wouldn't bother, if they are then there's no problem.

Applesandpears23 · 21/09/2017 12:34

Is baby here yet? They may not like the car so you may need to go by train. We just tried to do a 2 hour drive with a 3 month old and had to stop 4 times and she screamed most of the way. I had to get the train back. I did a couple of weddings with a 6 month old and it was grim. I wouldn't do it again.

TammySwansonTwo · 21/09/2017 12:39

We had a no child wedding but made exception for the two guests with babies without question - we wanted those people there, they came as a package, no problem! I'd have a word. Personally my twins were easy to take places at that age, they mainly slept (get a nice baby carrier if you can so they can sleep on you but get them used to it if you don't already use one), hopefully it's a venue where you can stay or at least very nearby.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/09/2017 12:40

We had a very child-friendly wedding but friends of ours came when their DDs were 18 months and 3 months and they were just fraught for the whole day. I get that it didn't help that they had two to handle, but they just seemed to not enjoy a moment of it. I think if we'd been in that situation I'd have just turned down the invite (that sounds ungrateful - I loved that they took the time to come to our wedding and was so thankful to see them, but I'd have loved it more seeing them at a later date, relaxed and happy).

If the invite says no children, you either leave your child at home or don't go. We've had friends state no children and never once have we tried to take ours even as tiny babies as it can cause upset for other guests whose DCs don't go.

2014newme · 21/09/2017 12:42

Check with cousin whether baby can attend is the first thing to do

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 12:46

Most no-children weddings make allowances for young babies.

I'm going to a no-children wedding next month of a couple I don't really know (they are DH's friends) but they are happy for me to bring our baby along.

Wreckingball25 · 21/09/2017 12:48

We went to a no-children wedding when EBF DD was four months. We checked that babes in arms weren’t included in the rule! And left before the evening do kicked off properly.

happygirly1 · 21/09/2017 12:52

Speak to your cousin, explain your situation and see if she can make an exception (a lot of people make exceptions for small babies at 'no children' weddings).

If she won't, IMO you'd have to have someone travel with you who would look after the baby due to logistics and breasts getting too full. Breasts would need to be expressed a good few times and you'd need to be close in case your baby won't take the bottle. Personally this would be all too much hassle for me and if my cousin wouldn't make an exception I'd accept I couldn't attend. I might add, I wouldn't hold it against my cousin as their wedding, their wishes but I'd expect them to also understand why I wouldn't attend without my baby.

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 14:18

Apologies if this is drip feeding! DP said hes happy to come and look after baby in hotel room at the venue. Before the wedding I'll get into habit of expressing and will see if baby can take a bottle from DP. Then can keep popping up to room to bf/express.

That was the plan anyway. I don't think my cousin understands EBF because when i spoke to her to ask about children she said 'no children' and she knows ho old my baby will be and the distance I'll need to travel. I'll speak to her again.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 21/09/2017 14:22

I wouldn't go tbh. Even if breastfeeding doesn't work out you might not want to leave your baby.

thecatsthecats · 21/09/2017 14:26

Actually, if you've spoken to her once already, there's no need to patronisingly 'explain' to her about children. She doesn't want them, said so on the invite, then again when you spoke to her.

I'm not sure you understand the word 'no'.

(And I say this as someone who has still only recently learned more about the differences of babies of different ages, and had a friend's newborn asleep on me for four hours this weekend. No still means no even if it comes from a lack of understanding, respect that, don't pester her. Her wedding is not about you.)

greendale17 · 21/09/2017 14:26

I wouldn't go

Caspiana · 21/09/2017 14:28

Are you close to this cousin? Because if you do go, it will be a massive faff and you may not enjoy it that much if you're not missing your baby. It's fair enough that you can't take the baby but you have to consider whether the hassle that involves for you is worth it, and for me it wouldn't be unless it was someone I was very close to.

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 15:16

I wouldn't patronisingly explain anything. When I got the save the date I called her and because I'm pregnant I asked if children are ok. She said they have decided its no kids. I didn't at the time explain I'd attempt EBF because I didn't know that at the time. I haven't spoken to her since so she isn't aware of feeding plans etc.

OP posts:

Crunchymum · 21/09/2017 15:17

Refuse or ask for baby to be an exception.

You can't expect someone else to travel 200 miles to babysit, nor can you leave baby with a stranger!

Crunchymum · 21/09/2017 15:20

And fuck expressing just so you can attend this wedding.

If you want to express for yourself then fair enough but do not do it just for this wedding!!!

I have had a FF and and EBF baby, the former I could have easily left for a few hours with DP at 4 months, the latter needed to be with me at 4 months.

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