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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding with a 4 month old...

72 replies

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 12:10

Posting here as not sure where the wedding board is.

Just received invite to my cousins wedding, she was bridesmaid at my wedding so v close family. It's 200 miles away in my hometown. My PFB will be 4 months old and I'm hoping to EBF. Wedding says no children - am I mad to think about attending? If I do, what do I need to consider? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

TableMirror · 21/09/2017 17:18

Honestly, wait until the baby arrives and you may find you're grateful to be 200 miles away for a night! 😂

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 21/09/2017 17:25

Agree with table tbh. I only go to weddings of really close friends since having dc1! Not worth it otherwise. Taking her is very hard and leaving her is very expensive. Only for beloved friends for me. DH goes solo, or I do depending on who knows the couple best.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/09/2017 19:09

All sorted. She's clarified there are not to be any babies or children anywhere near the venue. Not even in the hotel room tucked away.

Yes, it was pretty clear she didn't want any children, babies included, anywhere near her wedding. It's a shame she ended up having to say it so explicitly.

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 19:21

Its ok, she also told me there is a Travelodge 2 minutes drive away so we've booked a room in there and if the baby wont take expressed milk in a bottle I can pop backwards and forwards very easily. So we've booked that, much cheaper than being in the venue and we're both so happy it can work out. I needed to clarify as it was all a bit vague..... Pleased I did was we now have a solution that works for all. Thanks all xx

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/09/2017 19:22

🙄

Head, meet wall.

2014newme · 21/09/2017 19:28

I would not go. Back and to a travel lodge is no fun.

Columbine1 · 21/09/2017 19:28

I took my DC to my DS wedding at under 2 months old & it was fine. People wanted to hold him & he slept a lot of the time. I must have gone somewhere to BF. Don't worry about it - babies are easier to take places than older children I think.

I'm glad its worked out though think yr cousin is BU to you!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/09/2017 19:29

I'm glad its worked out though think yr cousin is BU to you!

Why is she being unreasonable to not want a baby at her own wedding?

redexpat · 21/09/2017 19:38

*I'm glad its worked out though think yr cousin is BU to you!

Why is she being unreasonable to not want a baby at her own wedding?*

She inbu to stipulate no babies at the wedding but it's pretty fucking unreasonable to say no babies allowed in the rooms at the venue!

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 19:38

At least with travelodge its only £40, so I can RSVP now for myself, one person before the 1st Nov deadline.

Having chatted to my cousin she understands if I have to drop out nearer the time because baby is sick/won't travel well/doesn't take to bottle/too much hassle/velcro etc.

And nipping backwards and forwards may be a PITA but at least i will get to be there for some of it, and that means a lot to me. Would be a lot easier if baby was in the venue but happy to go with whatever she wants even if it means a bit of driving. And shes said following day to bring baby over so the whole family (huge family, loads of aunties and uncles etc) can meet and have cuddles for first time.

I suppose I shouldn't have bothered posting and just chatted to her instead in first instance, but wanted to understand other experiences of travelling with a baby considerable distance at 4 months and leaving with DP etc.

OP posts:

Scottishgirl85 · 21/09/2017 19:44

We attended a wedding when dd was 3 weeks old and another when she was 5 weeks old (dh was best man). Both were absolutely fine. I was expressing and feeding breast milk from a bottle as she wouldn't latch. I found a quite room to pump at intervals throughout the day. No problem. Don't limit what you can do just because you have a child, it's good for them to experience different situations. If you check your baby is allowed to attend I see no issue x

Spanielsarecool1 · 21/09/2017 19:48

I would go!!
I was bridesmaid at my best friends wedding when baby 4 months and was EBF. Wedding 150 miles away so decamped my parents to stay nearby, left plenty of expressed bottles and parents brought baby twice during day for a feed / to collect more milk I had expressed in toilets. Worked fine, had a great time, stayed out till the end and everyone was happy.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/09/2017 19:51

It sounds like a pain in the arse but it's technically do-able. I have a 4m old mixed fed baby now. Went to a wedding when she was 6w old and not invited. It was a late wedding so fed her at 4, had her brought to me and fed her outside the venue at 8 and then fed her when we got home at 11:30. Think she also had some formula from my mum. Would probably be easier at 4m as they feed less frequently. Not much fun for your DH though, trapped at the Travelodge.

I think it would be really rude, like a pp said, to use the days before/after the wedding to pass your baby around. I think this is a nonsense. The bride and groom get a day that's all about them, not a bloody month.

hellejuice91 · 21/09/2017 19:54

If the invite says no children you won't be able to take your baby. See if you have a friend that can look after if you express some milk and store it
Other wise don't go. If someone had turned up to my wedding with a baby they would have been turned away

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 21/09/2017 19:59

DP is a good 'un, he knows how much this means to me. He'll watch some movies, eat a picnic, have a bath with baby and probably take it out in the pram for a push around the car park. Its not ideal but its only a day. Good bonding time with baby as he doesn't get any paternity leave (self employed). Hes had two kids before so knows the art of the possible better than I do and when I suggested it was totally fine with it.

Nice to hear positive stories, good to hear ones that didn't work out so well so i can prepare for worst. I can always leave the wedding if it becomes too much for DP and then at least I tried to go and maybe got to see the ceremony, hopefully.

OP posts:

scrabbler3 · 21/09/2017 20:10

Sounds like a solution that will suit everybody.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 21/09/2017 21:49

Don't do it..just been to a wedding where a family member brought her 6 month old she had a miserable time tbf.

manglethedangle · 21/09/2017 21:57

At 4 months I couldn't have gone, DS was a bottle refuser and click sterling fed like mad in the evening. The only way I could have gone was if DS had been in a hotel room at the venue and I'd missed the evening do.

Thing is, you won't know until baby is here if a) breastfeeding will work out for you or b) if he'll take a bottle or c) if you'll respond well to a pump.

I'd tell your cousin that due to those 3 things you won't be able to RSVP until ear the time once baby is here.

People without kids/ who haven't breastfed often don't realise how tying ebf can be.

Fruitboxjury · 21/09/2017 22:07

At 4 months I think you're at the easy stage, the worst is typically first 6-12 weeks, then after 6 they're weaning and you have to take suitable food and make a mess everywhere. 4m is golden window if you ask me. They're cute and still sleep a lot, and are mostly comfortable with feeds by then.

That said, I would put money on your dropping out. She's clearly, sorry, not fussed about whether you come or not and is more worried about having babies in the venue than about having you there which is just weird.

We had no babies and children at our wedding but some special friends and family did bring kids as we didn't want them to have to choose between us and their children when there were no other options. It's her prerogative to invite whoever and whoevers children she wants but asking you to pop back and forth to a travelodge???

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/09/2017 22:27

Would probably be easier at 4m as they feed less frequently.

Erm. No. Not necessarily they don't. Both of mine were on the boob every 40 minutes around the clock at that age. Combination of growth spurts and developmental leaps meant they needed to be glued to me or screamed.

And whoever said 4m is the 'golden period' clearly didn't become intimately acquainted with the four month sleep regression and/or 20-24 week developmental-unputdownable-screaming hell-month. Memories of both of my (now delightful, independent and settled) DSs at four months old give me an insight into what PTSD is like.

Looks like the OP has contingency plans for pulling out in the event of a challenging baby, though, so keep it that way!

Sayyouwill · 22/09/2017 06:16

OP, sorry if you've already figured this out but what are you going to do with your boobs during the day? You'll still need to express roughly when the feeds would have been anyways so it would probably be easier to just nip back and actually feed.

Original poster

feelingblue123 · 22/09/2017 09:05

Hi @say - pump/go back to feed was the plan. Will have to see nearer the time how often baby feeds, how long for, if it will take a bottle, if it's quicker to pump in toilets to take pressure off or if it's easier just to get in car and go feed. I'm hoping 4 months is long enough for me to have figured it out. I have a good bf'ing support network where I live. If the baby was 3 months or less I wouldn't even consider maling the journey...it'll be winter and I'll be hibernating then. Wedding is end of Feb so feels like a good time to start getting out and about...first major road trip for us all. Drive is 4 hrs on a good day without a baby so I'll add in more time.

OP posts:

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