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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being paranoid about their friendship

69 replies

maysbaby8 · 20/09/2017 21:51

partner has got very friendly with a new school mum. she is friendly with me also but not as much as with my man. she is single and has him round to do diy for her and have coffee and he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones. am i being paranoid to think there is more to this relationship? how do i approach the subject without sounding like i am a jealous cow? am so confused as i'm not really a jealous type( which is now making my mind go crazy as i wonder if its a sixth sense), but my man is and i know this would cause huge arguments if the 'shoe was on the other foot'!

OP posts:
EC22 · 20/09/2017 21:56

How often is this happening?

junebirthdaygirl · 20/09/2017 21:57

Not on, l dont think. Probably nothing happening at the moment but inappropriape and leaving himself wide open. I would be very uncomfortable to have a married guy around for coffee etc so think that woman doesnt respect your relationship.

Heartofglass12345 · 20/09/2017 21:59

I think its a bit strange if you are at home and she is inviting just him and not you. Its a bit cheeky asking him to do DIY anyway! Does he go there very often?

Original poster
maysbaby8 · 20/09/2017 22:01

happening at least twice a week. my gut feeling is she is laughing at me behind my back. but do not want to 'unfriend' her.....keep your enemies close and all that!

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 20/09/2017 22:02

Next time she asks him over could you go too. Gauge the response to you all showing up en masse

Softkittysillykitty · 20/09/2017 22:03

Totally inappropriate.

Guiltypleasures001 · 20/09/2017 22:03

How much diy could there possibly be ffs, ide have it out with him and how he answers would tell you all you need to know.

She's not taking the piss, he is, you have. A man problem not another woman problem lovely

Aquamarine1029 · 20/09/2017 22:04

Your partner is playing with fire.

Original poster
maysbaby8 · 20/09/2017 22:07

have gone with him once but her kids were home so she wasnt bothered. she has also invited us both in together and all the kids, but i almost feel like a gooseberry and they chat about stuff that they have talked about before, so im not part of the conversation.

OP posts:
MrsMHasIt · 20/09/2017 22:11

If it was a single dad would you worry that your dp was bi? Is she attractive? Does she 'flirt'?

guestofclanmackenzie · 20/09/2017 22:12

You're definately not a jealous cow! I would be very unhappy with this and very suspicious.

It's inappropriate and disrespectful to you.

Original poster
maysbaby8 · 20/09/2017 22:14

no....like i said i' m not the jealous type. but for some reason i have a bad gut feeling about this. she is a bit flirty i think but she could be like that all the time cos i dont know her very well

OP posts:
MrsMHasIt · 20/09/2017 22:17

Can you give an example of her flirting? Does he flirt back?

Torres10 · 20/09/2017 22:24

Personally, I would be asking him WTAF he thinks he's playing at. Life is too short to play nicely when he is taking the p*.

ILoveDolly · 20/09/2017 22:25

Frankly if my husband did this I would straight away told him I thought it was weird, because it is, borrowing someone else's husband for DIY duties. It's not innocent, and nobody reasonable would do it unless they were friends with the wife and she'd suggested it. Start asking him in a jokey way how his new gf is getting on and if he gets annoyed just admit it gives you the creeps and you don't know why. If he's genuinely just being nice well, can't he be nice to you and stop giving other women his attention?

tiddleywinks27 · 20/09/2017 22:26

Can't stand women like her!

Don't care what anyone says - no woman wants their man calling round to another woman's house like this and with visits becoming more frequent! She could be completely innocent but surely she can ask someone else to help with all these DIY jobs?

I agree with what someone else suggested however - go with him next time she asks him over. He's your OH, you're entitled to join him especially if you are on friendly terms with her Wink bring some cakes and make it seem like you want a girly catch up.

I expect her face/reaction should give away how she really feels. If she seems happy to see you then maybe you've nothing to worry about but if she seems put out at all then I'd be concerned (and put an end to their little friendship!) and if you're still unsure...just continue to join him on the visits until you're satisfied that you have nothing to worry about!

You're all friends afterall, so if she's innocent then she shouldn't have an issue with you popping round too should she?! Wink

Petalflowers · 20/09/2017 22:28

Not paranoid. I'd feel cautious as well. DIY at least twice a week! They're heading towards an emotional affair.

Can you find details of DIY tradesmen? Or find DIY to do at home so dh can't go around?

You need to speak to him. Explain you feel uneasy. His response will tell you everything. He may genuinely just think he is being helpful, and doesn't realise he has overstepped the mark.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 20/09/2017 22:28

he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones

YANBU, this is inappropriate. Trust your gut feeling.

FritzDonovan · 20/09/2017 22:28

Diy twice a week? Does she live in a doer-upper, or is she one of those who can't do anything (change lightbulbs etc) for herself? No other reason for this frequency I think.
When does he go round? Evenings and weekends? Totally inappropriate taking so much time from the family.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 20/09/2017 22:30

I know it's a
Massive cliche but he is the issue

She owes you shit - and I don't like the sound of her at all

But by getting angry with her you fail to address the problem

The problem is that your DH is allowing an inappropriate relationship to develop

Ask him if you have anything to be worried about here ? Tell him you feel uncomfortable with this and gauge his reaction.

Crowdie · 20/09/2017 22:36

Big old klaxon going off OP.

This is dodgy as hell.

LilQueenie · 20/09/2017 22:40

Do you know her background? I would be concerned. The main problem is that she is flirty. You need to tell your DH how this makes you feel. His response will be telling.

Disn3yN3rd · 20/09/2017 22:42

Well it wouldn't be happening with my husband. It sounds odd. How much DIY can one person have?

lottieandmia · 20/09/2017 22:42

There is no way that this is normal - I'd be really pissed off. I wouldn't dream of asking dads at school to do DIY for me.

Tameagobairanois · 20/09/2017 22:46

Allowing a man to do DIY for you is werid. I'm single and nobody's ever done diy for me. If anybody offered I'd say thank you but no.

Don't approach it from the perspective of jealousy.

Approach it from the perspective of respect. It's not about your jealousy. It's his lack of respect. He's acting like a man who is NOT afraid of losing his family. Which is fine if he wants to lose you.

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