am i being paranoid about their friendship

[maysbaby8]

partner has got very friendly with a new school mum. she is friendly with me also but not as much as with my man. she is single and has him round to do diy for her and have coffee and he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones. am i being paranoid to think there is more to this relationship? how do i approach the subject without sounding like i am a jealous cow? am so confused as i'm not really a jealous type( which is now making my mind go crazy as i wonder if its a sixth sense), but my man is and i know this would cause huge arguments if the 'shoe was on the other foot'!

I would be very, very suspicious.

Can you drive by or just show up unannounced while he is there?

Sorry OP but IMO it doesn't sound good

YANBU

and you have good reason to feel paranoid. This isn't right.

Have you actually spoken to him? Asked how the diy went, what she needed him to do, why she couldn't do it herself? I would've thought that would be a normal conversation every time he went there? Maybe offer to babysit her kids while she goes to diy evening classes, lots of colleges offer them!

Hi OP - whats your husband like? Has he got form for cheating etc? If not - then maybe its all innocent, and she needs the help. I would speak to him if i were you - just tell him your concerns and see what he says,. Good luck.

If your husband is spending time with another woman and not making overt attempts to include you in their conversations so much so that you feel left out and don't want to spend time in their company, you have a husband problem. And this person is not your friend.

Tell him to stop.

If you're not normally jealous, trust your instincts. Ask him to take the kids or offer to come too and gauge his reaction. If you go he might text and tell her, so her reaction may be harder to accurately gauge. Or unexpectedly turn up later as suggested.

Can you access his phone? I would unashamedly snoop if you have genuine reason to think something is off.

You aren't being paranoid- I'd be furious with both of them. I'd tell him straight up it's not on. But frame it as you being angry with him for being inappropriate and a shit father/husband, not you being jealous of the attention he's giving her, obviously.

I'd be hearing alarm bells too. If I were in need of help and couldn't afford to pay, and help was innocently offered, I would be making sure that the wife felt comfortable and invite her too etc. And reciprocating friendship or money.

Also, is all your own DIY up to date? Do you get time away from the kids if you need it? No excuse for him to be helping someone else more than he 'helps' in his own home.

He might be just doing it for the ego boost of being a 'hero' but he should get that from being with his own family and doing things for you.

So yes, alarm bells.

It's not just her kitchen boiler he's servicing.

I'd hate this. Your dp is sounding like a bit of a knob and both of them should know better.

You are not paranoid at all, this is totally inappropriate

I'm as laid back as they come, have long time close male friends, including exes as does DH with female friends. I would still find this unacceptable.

We had something similar with an old friend of DHs who we both knew well, when she became single with a new baby, she would invite DH around on an evening to keep her company. DH thought it harmless enough as she was an old friend, but given that she invited him, & rarely me, leaving me at home with a same age new baby, I blew my top at DH & tackled her next time she invited too.

No surprise she went on to have an affair with the next poor sod she targeted, wrecked his marriage & then dumped him for someone else. He was her best friends partner too. DH admitted how naive he had been & was shocked at how she turned out to be in the end. He's always been a bit thick at picking up the clues like this though, so your DH might be just as innocent- I doubt very much if this woman is

Having read the replies have you thought what you're going to do about this OP? x

Has he finished all your DIY? I'd be livid if he prioritised someone else's shelving over mine!

I should have added, friend used DIY & poor damsel in distress needing a mans help as her excuse to get DH round to hers on many an occasion too

You may not be the jealous type but they both think you won't suspect anything because he is telling you half the story so it makes it seem plausible to you.
They will deny it but this guy is up to something and you need to trust your gut instincts.
This sounds like a similar scenario that a friend of mine was in a few years ago.
He had used all sorts of excuses to see the woman twice a week whilst wife was stuck at home with a toddler and a baby. He even joined a gym...never been interested...as it turned out he never went.
So I babysat for her a couple of nights whilst she went and checked up on him once he left the house and sure enough she caught em at it when she went round the back and saw em through the patio doors!

Always trust your gut instinct it's very rarely wrong!

I'm another saying trust your gut. I'm not jealous type either yet when I first raised ex's inappropriate behaviour with friend and neighbour that's exactly what he accused me of even though we'd been together 10 years and I'd never been jealous. I was right they were shagging.

As a Lp I have rarely needed or asked for help from friends husbands or partners. On the rare occasion I did I happily invited the woman too and had cuppa and chat with them while the guy did the diy.

Also agree with NOBODY has that much DIY needs doing that's bull!

As you say he IS the jealous type I would definitely present him with the idea of how he'd feel if situation were reversed. And yes tell him to knock it on the head.

I definitely wouldn't like it, OP. If he took the DCs with him to play with hers that would be fine, a break for you as a pp has said. But what he's doing isn't on regardless of whether something is actually happening.

How much DIY can one person have?!