Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being paranoid about their friendship

69 replies

maysbaby8 · 20/09/2017 21:51

partner has got very friendly with a new school mum. she is friendly with me also but not as much as with my man. she is single and has him round to do diy for her and have coffee and he can be gone for quite some time while i am left at home with my little ones. am i being paranoid to think there is more to this relationship? how do i approach the subject without sounding like i am a jealous cow? am so confused as i'm not really a jealous type( which is now making my mind go crazy as i wonder if its a sixth sense), but my man is and i know this would cause huge arguments if the 'shoe was on the other foot'!

OP posts:
JWrecks · 20/09/2017 22:51

I'm not the jealous type either, and I trust my DH, but I would NOT be comfortable with that situation.

TatianaLarina · 20/09/2017 22:53

They're both taking the piss.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 20/09/2017 22:55

Is it his job, as in is he a builder?
I think it sounds a bit pally, and could become an easy situation to become flirty etc

CanIBuffalo · 20/09/2017 22:55

Focus on his behaviour, not hers.

NotTheFordType · 20/09/2017 23:00

So you're not married. What exactly are the terms of exclusivity that you've discussed with your partner ? Do you need to now revisit these given that someone is trying to get on him?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 20/09/2017 23:00

I think if it's starting to be taken for granted that when she asks, he goes and that he might be gone for some time (an hour or more) more than once a week, then it starts to feel like some sort of power imbalance.

Have you got DIY (or other) jobs in your home that he would normally be doing and currently isn't?

If someone does me a favour, I'll try and repay it. So is she sending him home with a bottle or something ever?

FeeLock28 · 20/09/2017 23:01

Can you develop a friendship of sorts with her yourself without being too glaringly obvious?

StefMay · 20/09/2017 23:14

Listen to your gut, it's rarely wrong. DIY twice a week for several hours is not a normal amount. Not all fellas are cheaters. Mine is naive and has no idea if someone fancies him and he would do a favour and never notice anyone flirting with him. You know your partner.

Share how you feel with him. If he loves you he would not want you to be upset and will stop doing it. If there is something going on he will become very defensive. Hopefully it is the former.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/09/2017 23:20

They're quite obviously fucking op and you're being taken for a mug.

blankface · 20/09/2017 23:31

Is she renting? If so, the landlord's likely to have a hissy fit at anyone doing DIY because it'll compromise his safety certs etc.

If she owns the property, send her links to youtube DIY tutorials and give her the list of Council Approved Tradesmen. because every time she asks for your DH to go over, you have other plans.

Sandsunsea · 20/09/2017 23:34

Fuck that. I wouldn't be happy with it at all. You need to channel your doctor foster here.

justilou1 · 21/09/2017 00:07

Nope. Nuh uh... No. This is not cool. I'd be mentioning it "casually" to other mothers at the school, and asking if she'd done this before. It's not cool. I'd also tell husband that if he feels flattered by the attention he's getting from single mum, then perhaps he needs some marriage guidance counselling.

maddening · 21/09/2017 00:10

How much diy does this woman need - I would be snooping!

TammySwansonTwo · 21/09/2017 02:21

Honestly, it would never get this far with me - the first time, he's helping out a friend of mine essentially with a few jobs. That's lovely. Once it becomes him spending more time with her than I ever have, and a regular thing, I'd be asking what the fuck he thinks he's playing at. Straight up. Leaving me at home with our children while he hangs out with another woman and her kids? I can't see any situation where he would do such a thing but if it ever did start it wouldn't last long. I'm all for helping out friends having a tough time but on his own, regularly, impacting your time together as a family? Just no. I would be livid - with him, not her. She may have no ulterior motives and may genuinely need the help / support or may just be lonely. He should know better.

misshelena · 21/09/2017 02:30

YANBU
I can't stand women like that. First tell DH this has to stop -- he sees her when you see her, not alone. Then I would tell her that while you don't mind because you know DH, other ppl are talking. You just don't like to be the subject of village gossip. But you would like to be friends of course, so would she like to come over for tea?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/09/2017 06:54

You need to channel your doctor foster here

Maybe series 1 only GrinGrin

Toast3 · 21/09/2017 07:07

Next time he goes round there, leave it 15 mins and then go and knock on her door (with an excuse) and see how they act or if they answer....
Hope it's all innocent. I wouldn't not be happy either. Good luck 👍

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2017 07:10

Like many women you're focusing on her, when you should be focusing on him. She's an irrelevance to you. You've already said he wouldn't be happy if you were doing it to him, so why are you letting him do it to you?

chantico · 21/09/2017 07:44

He needs to take the DC every single time, to play with hers whilst he's over there.

If he's just being helpful, that won't be a problem, and means you get a bit of time to yourself.

spermbrows · 21/09/2017 07:47

Sounds like there could be something going on between them. I'd be telling him going round there has to stop immediately and wouldn't give two shits if he got mad at you being jealous. If he reacts badly then he's out the door, that tells you everything.

ShiftyLookingBadger · 21/09/2017 08:06

Very inappropriate, and I'm not the jealous type either. Go with him everytime saying 'oh I'd love to see X too! I'll come with the kiddies'. don't let on you're suspicious. Report back!! Grin

Columbine1 · 21/09/2017 08:11

I was so grateful when a neighbour drilled a hole to fit the clothes line hook in once - as a lone parent with no-one I could ask for DIY stuff & very little money. His DW however seemed furious.

You need to talk to him. Does he have a reason to want to be out of the house ? eg is everything okay between you?

Fantasticmissfoxy · 21/09/2017 08:15

I'm not the jealous / paranoid type but this is not on AT ALL.

Tainbri · 21/09/2017 08:21

If it was my DH I would have a chat with him (I don't meant go in all guns blazing) but in my case it might be "I bumped into Kevin who I used to work with, he's split up with Lisa and has asked me to give him a hand with the ironing, so can you have the kids while I pop round" DH goes merry mad with the idea if he's anything like mine. " ok, so you don't like that idea, well there is no Kevin so now I have your attention, I'm upset about the way you're behaving with new flirty mother, if you want to hang out with her, I would like to be included, unless threes a crowd?"

TheDodgyEnd · 21/09/2017 08:26

I wouldn't like this at all OP. Personally whenever I've had that 'gut' feeling, I've never been wrong. If you're not normally jealous etc but this has your spidey senses tingling then I think you're right to be suspicious!