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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off? WWYD?

60 replies

JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 20:17

My DP's brother's gf (who I'll refer to as SIL as it's easier) and I have not got on in the past. We've never argued it had a falling out but she's said things that have annoyed me and I've called her out on it which she hasn't liked.

Recently I extended an olive branch as DP has asked his brother to be his best man at our wedding. But now SIL has said something and it's ducked me right off!

We have a 1yo DD and when she stayed at DP's DF's house a few weeks ago, BIL and SIL went there to see her. Whilst there, FIL asked everyone to lower their recliners as DD kept banging her head on the corners. SIL didn't lift her head from her phone the entire time, despite DDd banging her head on SIL's recliner. When FIL asked SIL to stop ignoring DD and to put her recliner down. SIL did so with an attitude and FIL asked her what her problem was?

SIL responded that basically, she couldn't stand looking at DD as she looks so much like me and she doesn't care about any of us anyway (DP, DD and myself).

AIBU to be fuming about this? Hate me as much as you want but you don't take it out on an innocent baby! Angry This has only just got back to me and I don't know how to react. I'm supposed to be going out with SIL next weekend for DP's DS's birthday! Angry

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/08/2017 20:24

How horrible of her. How old is she, she sounds about 12!

Pancakeflipper · 20/08/2017 20:25

What did any of you say to her at the time?

Allthewaves · 20/08/2017 20:27

How old is she? Sounds like self absorbed teen

Original poster
JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 20:28

We weren't there, DD was staying with FIL. Another one of DP's brothers told her she was out of order and what the hell she's playing at? FIL told her to grow the fuck up and she left pretty much straight away after that.

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 20/08/2017 20:28

Shock wow! What did your BIL say?

Decaffstilltastesweird · 20/08/2017 20:29

Jesus. Yanbu. She sounds horrible.

Hortonlovesahoo · 20/08/2017 20:31

What a relief that they called her out on it. I'd be having a word with your brother about it. She sounds incredibly childish

Needcoffee2244 · 20/08/2017 20:32

YANBU!! I would never want to be around her again, how can anybody say that about a 1 yo child?! And she's coming to your wedding??? Shock

MadMags · 20/08/2017 20:33

How did you hear about this?

Did she really think she'd get away with it?? How weird!

happypoobum · 20/08/2017 20:34

What does your DP say about it? It's his job to take this up with his DB.

Handsfull13 · 20/08/2017 20:35

She sounds horrid. I'd be fuming but grateful that everyone called her on it. If I was you I'd be having a chat with DP and BIL that if she hates you so much that she is willing to physically hurt your child then she has no place attending your wedding or attending anything you organise.
I hope your daughter is ok

Spadequeen · 20/08/2017 20:39

Well that's one less coming to the wedding then.

What did your dp's brother say? How could he stay with someone like that?

Casmama · 20/08/2017 20:40

Why on earth did anyone tell you this?!?
She sounds pretty unpleasant but I would just rise above it- certainly don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you are annoyed.
It sounds like her days are probably limited if that's how the rest of the family feel about her.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 20/08/2017 20:43

Is this woman invited to your wedding? I would deffo be removing the invite from her given she has said this. I would also go NC outside of family functions as I couldn't be arsed to be around her

Borodin · 20/08/2017 20:46

We're clearly in the questions phase! Who told you this?

My immediate response would be not to worry about anything—her behaviour isn't endorsed by anyone and she'll soon feel the need to correct herself. Where was BIL in all this?

Donttouchthethings · 20/08/2017 20:46

On the plus side... It's refreshing to read a post where the family sound united and reasonable in dealing with the situation at the time. Your fil sounds great!

I would suggest you wait until you've cooled down a bit then talk it through with your dp. From there, maybe talk to your fil about moving forwards. Personally, unless she apologizes sincerely and explains herself reasonably, I wouldn't invite her to my wedding, but that's me.

mummmy2017 · 20/08/2017 20:49

Sounds like your family have your back on this, let your FIL take the heat for this one, and just thank him for looking after his DGD, maybe get a box of chocolates and a card to the best Granddad in the world.
If she does anything else than nicely ask her to stop, and make sure FIL hears you , or tell him, and let him sort it. he is on your side, and better able to deal with it without you getting the flack.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/08/2017 20:50

We how nasty. She's going to last long in your family.

Original poster
JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 20:52

Thanks everyone. FIL told us first then DP's brother (he has 4) confirmed.

It happened weeks ago now so I feel like I'd be creating drama now if DP or me brought it up. There's nothing but drama with this SIL, I thought we had put everything behind us, clearly fucking not!

OP posts:
Atenco · 20/08/2017 20:53

Why on earth did anyone tell you this?

Normally that would be my stance, but not in this case. Her feelings are out in the open, OP, and you have every right to avoid her from now on.

RebornSlippy · 20/08/2017 20:53

Well, she's a joy, isn't she? Luckily you are not alone in your opinion as she just shone a big fucking beacon on herself there. Lovely. Give em enough rope etc.

Best case scenario, her BF will get rid when he sees what a little madam he's got on his hands.

Worst case scenario, you're stuck with her on family occassions for the foreseeable.

So, the next big event is your DP's sister's birthday? What to say... Well, you can't leave it left unsaid, can you? I'd have to kill her with kindness if it were me. Something along the lines that you were very hurt to hear what she said, that you wish things could be different but understand that sometimes in life, people just don't gel. But let her know that now the rest of the family don't like her and would rather she wasn't around, you'll still be there if needs you. What with you both being 'married into the family' so to speak. Difference being you're in the much more fortunate position of actually being wanted by your new family. Whereas her... Oh dear. Sucks to be you.

Huffletuff · 20/08/2017 20:56

Wow. She wouldn't be coming anywhere near my wedding.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/08/2017 20:56

So the brother who has 4 kids, has a girlfriend who is a nasty bitch about a 1 year old? Or is it another brother who told you?

Ginkypig · 20/08/2017 20:57

She sounds horrible but I don't see what was to be achieved by telling you, the result was obviously going to add more fuel to the already strained relationship!

I don't want to say anyone was shitstirring by telling you but that's how it sounds.

Ultimately nothing you can do will change her behaviour so my advice is to just ignore her apart from doing the whole be polite when your around her thing then just blanking her from your brain when your not around her.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/08/2017 21:00

What did the brother, whose partner she is, say? I can't believe they're still together. They'd both be uninvited to my wedding.

I wouldn't worry about it being weeks ago, deal with it now or you'll have years of this shit.