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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off? WWYD?

60 replies

JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 20:17

My DP's brother's gf (who I'll refer to as SIL as it's easier) and I have not got on in the past. We've never argued it had a falling out but she's said things that have annoyed me and I've called her out on it which she hasn't liked.

Recently I extended an olive branch as DP has asked his brother to be his best man at our wedding. But now SIL has said something and it's ducked me right off!

We have a 1yo DD and when she stayed at DP's DF's house a few weeks ago, BIL and SIL went there to see her. Whilst there, FIL asked everyone to lower their recliners as DD kept banging her head on the corners. SIL didn't lift her head from her phone the entire time, despite DDd banging her head on SIL's recliner. When FIL asked SIL to stop ignoring DD and to put her recliner down. SIL did so with an attitude and FIL asked her what her problem was?

SIL responded that basically, she couldn't stand looking at DD as she looks so much like me and she doesn't care about any of us anyway (DP, DD and myself).

AIBU to be fuming about this? Hate me as much as you want but you don't take it out on an innocent baby! Angry This has only just got back to me and I don't know how to react. I'm supposed to be going out with SIL next weekend for DP's DS's birthday! Angry

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 20/08/2017 21:00

There is no way she would be coming to my wedding if I were the OP.

Original poster
JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 21:02

I don't know what the brother whose GF it was said, I haven't asked. I don't think she'll be dumped, they've been together 4 years now and he lives with her in her mums.

OP posts:
user9512736123 · 20/08/2017 21:09

I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not welcome at the wedding.

Alternatively, phone round and find a hotel with very, very low doorways and book her a room for the night before; with luck she might knock herself out by banging her head. Shame.

Gemini69 · 20/08/2017 21:11

OP you need to confront this head on... she believes she has gotten away with being rude and ignorant to you Baby girl... this is unacceptable by anyone's standards.. She's clearly poison and not to be entertained..

I'd cut all ties.. even if that meant cutting ties with your Brother x

MadMags · 20/08/2017 21:11

I'd never see or speak to her again!

ChasedByBees · 20/08/2017 21:12

I think that's worth stirring things up about again TBH. She was OK with a 1yo getting hurt because she looks like you. That's not just indifference, it sounds beyond that.

MimsyFluff · 20/08/2017 21:20

Wow if my DH brothers GF spoke to my DD's like that they'd be no holding me back even DH who is very mellow would not be held back! Who talks about an infant like that Shock DH sister is a bitch who threatened to kill my DD and myself we have only seen her twice since funeral and a wedding in 7 years

Cherrytart6 · 20/08/2017 21:22

Your DF and BIL are shit stirrers. There was no need to pass on her flippant unkind comment to you. They should have kept quiet as the comment was unessessarily hurtful. It was a pointless bit of gossip to pass on but clearly they like creating waves.

Lasagna · 20/08/2017 21:26

How old is she?

Cherrytart6 · 20/08/2017 21:30

Your BIL and FIL must have known it was a hurtful thing to pass on. I don't understand why anyone would want to pass on such a load of crap knowing it would be deeply hurtful. Yes she shouldn't have said it. It was a nasty thing to say. But it clearly comes from a space of her insecurity or jealously or depression or whatever. It's clearly to do with her issues and not you or your DD

Original poster
JanuaryOwl · 20/08/2017 21:30

I don't believe they are shitstirrers.. As what's been said is true. She's 21 but her age doesn't excuse her behaviour in my eyes!

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 20/08/2017 21:45

Invite her to your wedding but tell her that it's only parents, best/grooms men, and bridesmaids on the top table (or only 'family'). Sit her on the children's table.

chocolateworshipper · 20/08/2017 21:51

Her BF will be on the top table as he's best man. I would be speaking to the venue about the absolute worst seat possible - certainly on a table at the back and with people she doesn't know. Hell, if someone said something like that about my DC, her meal at the wedding would consist entirely of foods she doesn't like.

Cherrytart6 · 20/08/2017 21:51

Just because she said it, doesn't mean they absolutely have to tell you. It was unnecessary and pointless and hurtful thing to pass on. So yes shit stirrers.

Atenco · 20/08/2017 21:51

I can't believe the people saying that OP shouldn't have been told when this woman was deliberately and out of malice allowing OP's tiny child to get hurt.

TSSDNCOP · 20/08/2017 22:04

What is a recliner?

Your FIL and a DB told her off at the time, nasty problem dealt with in a timely fashion therefore no need to reference again.

Having said that you're appraised of the event and can chose not to invite her to your wedding, I would recommend that course of action.

No need to explain or apologise, just don't invite her.

Dina1234 · 20/08/2017 22:11

To behave that way towards a small child is very telling. Hopefully she won't be a permanent fixture in your family.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/08/2017 22:19

She doesn't sound nice.

But why the faff with the recliners (I'm assuming the footstool part)?
Why didn't your Fil stop her from banging her head? Actually engage with the child that he was supposed to be looking after.

MammaTJ · 20/08/2017 22:22

I would just ignore. The fact that you have been told means they are probably on your side anyway. Just behave with far more dignity that she could ever possess, and carry on with your life as normal.

sykadelic · 21/08/2017 00:26

My stance would be thus:

BIL is welcome at your wedding, SIL is not (not that she'd want to be there anyway). DD will be there (obviously) and if SIL doesn't even notice or care about her hurting herself, I'd be concerned about what she would or wouldn't do in DD's presence. So for the safety of your child, you will remove SIL from the her presence.

It's pretty much how I feel about DH's sister. She doesn't care about my DS (didn't visit him in hospital when he was 4m old and sick) so she is nothing to me.q1q1

KeepServingTheDrinks · 21/08/2017 01:14

Sorry to go against the majority, but I don't think you need to cut her off or not invite her. And agree with killing with kindness.

I think Ginkypig and TSSDNCOP's posts are both spot-on, plus everything Cherrytart6 said.

You can not lose by being the bigger person!

Ofthread · 21/08/2017 01:37

She's pissed off that she's not getting married.

KickAssAngel · 21/08/2017 01:48

I think they should have told you. With so many of them there, it would feel like a conspiracy if they didn't, and sooner or later someone would likely say something without thinking.

If she's likely to be around long term, just try to blank her as much as possible. Stay the other side of the room at family parties, avoid her at your wedding and just have an internal voice saying "you don't matter, lala la" if you do hear her speaking.

And pray to every god going that she splits up with your BIL.

AlrightBabby · 21/08/2017 02:02

So the brother who has 4 kids, has a girlfriend who is a nasty bitch about a 1 year old

No I think the OPs DP has 4 brothers.

Italiangreyhound · 21/08/2017 02:09

I think for now I would not ban her or do the killing her with kindness thing.

Instead, I'd just be icily polite and spend only the minimum amount of time with her. Make sure you are down the other end of the table. Try not to get into conversations with her, just the basics and le her stew in her own juices. I thin she may not be part of the family for long if she is so horrible.

Don't let your child be around her unless supervised by you or your dh.

Enjoy your day and warn the security team (aka ushers) to throw her out at the first sign of trouble!

Good luck.